I have a lifelong history of gender identity issues and finally decided to change things this year. It seems like the easiest thing would be for me to get a voluntary orchiectomy now and then take a very small dose of estrogen to see how things go, with possible full transition to follow. I know I could try the chemical castration route first with some antiandrogens, but I don't tolerate medication very well. I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy the effects of the low T since I really don't like being male and all the things that come with it. And besides, if I try the chemical route first and feel like crap, how do I know whether it's the medication side effects or low T side effects? The other thing is that my job makes it so I won't have any time to recover from surgery except during winter, so if I don't get castrated soon, I'll have to wait a year, which will be rather hard given my depression history. My therapist thinks I have a valid reason for seeking an orchiectomy now and will write a letter, but I'll probably just go with Dr. A, who I've already spoken to.

So should I take the chance that I'll be happy after the orchiectomy and have it done now, or try the chemical route for the next year?

In the off chance that I have the orchiectomy and then later realize I don't like it, are there testosterone supplements that would get my T levels back to where I started?

Just from my experience and casual listening to others, your feelings (like crap or otherwise) will likely be a result of androgen deprivation, than medicine side-effects. There are a lot of anti-androgens; are you sure they are all worse than estrogen / testosterone supplements?

If you indeed have gender / body identity issues, then those probably will not change, even if you have a crappy experience with hormones. But, I think it's always best to know what you're getting into. Testosterone replacement seems relatively expensive, but maybe it will be better for you, depending on insurance.

Anyway, good luck. I completely sympathize with having life complications, and desire to get it done now, and not wanting to go through more unnecessary distress. But, it seems you're making a fast decision. Maybe not a bad one -- I'm certainly not saying "don't do it" -- if you go through, I'll be jealous ... but being unsure whether you will take estrogen or testosterone [or neither or both] afterwards probably means you have a lot to figure out about yourself.

Yes, I know I have a lot to figure out. I'm 99% sure I'd want to proceed with estrogen and do a full MtF transition, but I guess I'm just making sure that there's still a an option to stay a male for that 1% chance. Even staying as a male but eunuch with no HRT seems like a better option than what I'm doing now. Are there any guys who become eunuchs but wish they hadn't? It seems like most of the people on this site are very happy to be castrated, either chemically or surgically, and with or without hormones. Maybe it's just my confirmation bias, but it seems like castration is usually a good thing for the people who really desire it.

Sounds like you need to explore your gender/body identity issues with an expert counsellor first. If you then want to explore the effects of castration then try the chemical methods before considering surgery. To say that 'you don't tolerate medication well' is very unspecific. The main problems seem to be for those individuals who take large doses and run the risk of long term effects - for instance, cyproterone acetate is hard on the liver if you take high doses. But a lot of us find that we don't need high doses and, as purpletomato says, the effects you'll feel will be due to lowered testosterone rather than anything else (such as toxicity). So definitely try chemical methods, but before you do, please get some help with getting to the bottom of your motives.

And in answer to your 2nd post on this thread: I'd say that it is not true that most of the guys who try castration (chemical or otherwise) are happy with the results. Far from it.

I have a few friends who got severe depression from cyproterone acetate (Androcur) despite taking full doses of female HRT and who recovered completely when changing to other anti-androgens, including more effective ones like goserelin (Zoladex). My gender psych used to start everyone on Androcur and then switch them over to another blocker if they reacted badly, so I'm pretty sure it isn't just the hormone effects in that case.

I personally took it for 10 years without side effects, although my liver eventually started showing warning signs and I was switched off.

I'd recommend taking blockers for a year and not rushing it, to be honest, the difference changing your hormones makes is dramatic and you can't predict how you'll feel. Being on hormone replacement therapy for the rest of your life is expensive and inconvenient, especially if it's gel, injections or implants.

If you are taking 4-8 mg of estrodiol (estrace) per day, it doesn't take much of an anti-adrogen to knock your T down to below castrate levels. I think HRT and T-blockers are a great diagnostic tool to see how you react and feel when your T is gone and you are full of E. If you are truely a MtF transsexual, you will welcome how it feels and it's effects. Sometimes people realize it's more of a fetish after their T levels drop.

But..... I can't explain why, but everyone I know that has had an orchie or SRS has reported surges in feminization. So if you go the orchie route now, you will most likely get a faster tracked transition. Depending on your plans, that could be good or bad. Good luck and please do your homework on this so you can do whats best for YOU!

transistor (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2012 7:06 am Yes, I know I have a lot to figure out. I'm 99% sure I'd want to proceed with estrogen and do a full MtF transition, but I guess I'm just making sure that there's still a an option to stay a male for that 1% chance. Even staying as a male but eunuch with no HRT seems like a better option than what I'm doing now. Are there any guys who become eunuchs but wish they hadn't? It seems like most of the people on this site are very happy to be castrated, either chemically or surgically, and with or without hormones. Maybe it's just my confirmation bias, but it seems like castration is usually a good thing for the people who really desire it.

Transistor,

You need to slooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww down!!!!!!!

You act as if changing your gender were like selecting a new suit. You look at it, try it on, see how it fits, or how it will fit and if in the end you change your mind, you just don't buy it. If you believe yourself to be in gender confusion, you should get some therapy. Sort out your feelings before you take any drastic actions. And if you have a 1% doubt? That is way too much doubt to be considering surgery.

99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999%

is how certain you need to be to have surgery. You can't transition in one step. It takes a lot of steps. Eunuch and transsexual are not the same thing. It isn't one of those things where you can say, "

transistor (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2012 7:06 am I'm 99% sure I'd want to proceed with estrogen and do a full MtF transition, but I guess I'm just making sure that there's still a an option to stay a male for that 1% chance.

"

Here is the way to do it if you have a 1% to deal with. 1) Get a therapist that specializes in gender therapy. 2) If you both agree that you should proceed with transition, start with the appropriate amounts of both testosterone blockers and estrogen. After a trial period and before you begin to grow breasts you can change your mind and stop and basically go back to the way you are now. And after this trial period, you will know if it's right for you to proceed or not. And you are the only one that can know.

3) The Real Life Test. Live as your desired gender. Come out to friends and family and be prepared to say goodbye to some of those, perhaps all of them.

4) If you choose to continue, your will develop breasts, your hair on your body will become finer and softer, your skin will soften and get drier. Your hips will widen just a bit, your body fat will redistribute to look more like a woman. You will need to have facial hair removed by either laser or electrolysis. Both are expensive and somewhat painful. Your voice will not change so you will need to learn to talk like a woman. And of course, you will be sterile and unable to have children of your own, unless you bank sperm.

If you are not transsexual and are a eunuch you will find out in the course of your journey. There are no shortcuts or easy ways to do this. There are people who feel they got too enthusiastic about gender change and no one stopped them. They regret transitioning and not being able to have kids. Granted, it is but a very small part of one percent, but it still happens. Forever is a long time and it's doubtful you will feel the same about the world in ten years as you do know. You will learn things that will change your perspective. Your beliefs are not etched in stone. They are this malleable thing that resists change but if you keep hammering on it, over time it does change.

Good luck on your journey.

Elizabeth

Wonderfully put, Elizabeth...I've been thinking of having an orchiectomy for years...I took a test online to find out my gender and it turns out I am trans-sexed... I've been cross-dressing for many years, and recently am almost out of the closet..I wear fem clothing out and about without make-up or wig...I know that to really work this out, I need the assistance of a professionally trained analyst, but those test results feed my desire to eliminate my testicles and go on estrogen.. I'm 66 years old, and tired of wasting time. I may not have much left...Like the old Clairol ditty: If I have but one life to live , let me live it as a blond(eunuch)...Jackie

Thanks for all the advice. I guess I didn't explain some of my background. I'm married, have young kids, they all know about my trans issues and have been supportive of me dressing at home for over a decade. Several close family members, some friends, and a handful of coworkers know about my desire to transition and are supportive. I've been seeing multiple therapists psychologists who specialize in gender issues, and they all agree that I need to move forward with transitioning, but only one thinks an orchiectomy is advisable now. The others think I should do the HRT trial. The only doubt is that it will probably be difficult for me to feel totally comfortable and confidant in the world during and/or after transition, and it would be nice to have the option of backing out and going back to presenting as a man if things get bad. Of course, most days I feel completely depressed and trapped because I'm stuck in a male body. So it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario. I have absolutely no desire to go through the rest of my life as a male, but I'm totally fearful about transitioning and becoming an ugly, funny-looking tall woman with big hands, feet, and shoulders who will never really look like a woman. It's that fear of failure that's keeping me from pursuing my dream.

That's very sweet, you are very, very lucky to be supported by your family. I'd be careful not to push things too fast, you don't want to lose their support.

Your dress doesn't need to "correspond" to your body -- this notion is all a construct of western gender boxes (or mostly, I guess less visible undergarments like bras are partially born of necessity). Nor does it need to exactly correspond to your hormone choices.

As far as passing as female, I think facial changes are probably most critical (e.g. shaving the brow bone -- people look at eyes a lot, and facial hair removal / scalp hair regeneration). I have no first-hand knowledge, but my guess is facial changes might make you seem as a very different person (people recognize faces), so I'd be careful not to alienate your family soon. If you can, consider doing what improves your self confidence, worry about looking "congruent" later.

Maybe the nicest piece of advice comes from other transgender people I've met: [biological] women come in many shapes and sizes. My mother has larger hands, and comparable feet to me. Start looking at women critically, you'll probably find someone close to you in build, who you still unquestionably judge to be a woman. There's a difference between wanting to be beautiful (it's mostly a cultural standard), or be seen as a woman / other gender.