I was curious how many people here considers themselves to be asexual? By some definitions of asexuality, eunuchs wouldn't be considered asexual so I was curious if eunuchs other than myself consider themselves to be asexual or otherwise.

This question has nothing to do with who you are romantically attracted to. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two completely different things so I don't believe it would be entirely accurate to say one is homosexual if one has no interest in sex with the same sex but still wants to date the same sex. I hope I am making sense.

Lasander (imported) wrote: Tue Jan 10, 2012 1:13 pm I was curious how many people here considers themselves to be asexual? By some definitions of asexuality, eunuchs wouldn't be considered asexual so I was curious if eunuchs other than myself consider themselves to be asexual or otherwise.

This question has nothing to do with who you are romantically attracted to. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two completely different things so I don't believe it would be entirely accurate to say one is homosexual if one has no interest in sex with the same sex but still wants to date the same sex. I hope I am making sense.

You make more sense than the labels do. Language is a slippery thing. I think people too often apply a label to someone and then assume they know all they need to know about the person. People are more complex than labels.

I grew up in the Midwest (US), where a palm tree is a palm tree. That's all you needed to know about these trees. Recently my hubby and I visited southern California, where there are something like 17 different kinds of palm trees. Who knew? Each kind is different. Different fruits (or none at all), different rates of growth, different shapes, different care requirements. Different. But to me, they'd always just been palm trees. Once you put a label on something (or someone), thinking stops.

According to my dictionary, "asexual" has two distinct meanings:

• Biology without sex or sexual organs : asexual parasites.

• without sexual feelings or associations : she rested her hand on the back of his head, in a maternal, wholly asexual, gesture.

If you're a male genetically and prefer to hang out with genetic males but have no interest in sexual activities with them, I don't think I'd apply the label homosexual to you, though why you'd call that dating is a puzzle.

I enjoy torturing my hubby sexually--beating his testicles, denying him orgasm, threatening to cut his penis off, etc.--so does that make me a sadist? I don't think of myself that way. He loves what I do, and I wouldn't do it if he didn't. Does that make him a masochist? Again, I don't think so. In every other aspect of life, he's a take-charge kind of guy.

It would be nice if we could use fewer labels and take more time actually getting to know what makes others tick. But sadly, labels are here to stay.

I suspect that everyone who identifies as asexual has a little different twist on what that means.

Sandi

C&TL2745 (imported) wrote: Tue Jan 10, 2012 2:32 pm though why you'd call that dating is a puzzle

The only reason I mentioned dating because it seems to me that for many people once sex is out of the equation then the people involved are considered only friends and cannot be romantic partners which is an untrue assumption in my eyes.

Thanks for the reply about labels. You describe my feelings about them much better than I can. It would be nice to take the time to get to know people but there are situations where labels are necessary. There are situations where I dont feel like reciting an essay to describe myself to certain people. People do get caught up in them too much but the human mind likes to put things in little boxes so it can be difficult to get around that sometimes. Why are you so full of wisdom? My thinking either changes or gets refined everytime I see one of your posts.

Asexuality thread

Definitions are always an interesting problem. If we are to talk about something, we ought to agree on what it is. If we are to discuss “asexuality,” we need an agreed upon definition. For the survey that was posted on the Eunuch Archive, we had three questions related to sexuality and sexual orientation:

1) Who are your sexual fantasies about?

2) To whom are you sexually attracted?

3) With whom do you actually have sexual relations?

There were several choices for each of the questions: only males, only females, mostly males, mostly females, et cetera, including “no one” as a possible choice. Would someone be defined as “asexual” with an answer to any one of these questions?

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org) defines asexuality as "someone who does not experience sexual attraction," our question number 2. In our own work, we have tended to use the answer to question number 3 to indicate asexuality.

We did not, unfortunately, include any question in our survey about masturbation. Is it sexual? Can one masturbate and be asexual? Again, from the AVEN site, an FAQ on the question:

I masturbate. What do you make of that?

Most asexuals are physically capable of sex. Some masturbate and some don't. Masturbation produces a pleasurable sensation and as such many asexuals choose to use it to take pleasure from their bodies. Many asexuals can only arouse themselves manually (by applying friction to sexual organs), others can turn themselves on with thought.

The distinction between sexual and asexual people is that, if asexuals think about other people during masturbation (many asexuals don't think about anything specifically sexual) it is only as fantasy. If they actually were given the opportunity to be sexual with that person there would be no attraction, or the drive would be so low as to be completely ignorable.

Some asexuals may be considered autosexual, they have the drive to take pleasure from their own body. Other masturbating asexuals do not have a sexual drive motivating them, they just do it because it's nice. The common factor is that all asexuals, masturbating or not, have little or no sexual attraction to other people.

http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def9 (http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html%23def9)

I would be interested in comments on the suitability of our survey questions and on the reactions of the members here to the question of masturbation and asexuality.

How OUGHT “asexuality” be defined?

As I understand it, asexual as an identity can mean:

1) having no interest in sex (but retains emotional/romantic interest in people of either gender)

2) having no gender-identity (but retains emotional/romantic and sexual interest in people of either gender)

3) not being interested (sexually or emotionally) in people of either gender. (but may or may not retain a gender identity within oneself)

For me, most of these definitions are spot on.

I'm not sexually attracted to either sex, but I am "romantically" attracted to both sexes. Romance, to me, does not imply a sexual relationship. It can be physical, but by that I do not mean grinding genitals together. Physical can be as simple as a hug or a cuddle. When it comes down to sex, it just gets too complicated for me, and my interest wanes. There is not much in the way of swapping bodily fluids that attracts me.

All that being said, I do enjoy an active fantasy life. I can fantasize about sex with either gender, and enjoy the thought experiment. In fact those fantasies can be quite fulfilling for me during masturbation. When the reality of it presents itself though, the fantasy isn't enough to sustain my interest. It is fine in my mind, but not in reality.

I think of it this way. I might enjoy fantasizing about skydiving, but you'll never get me to jump out of a plane. I'm somewhat afraid of heights in reality. I might fantasize about killing someone, but I'd never actually do it. I can thoroughly enjoy watching a movie about a bank heist, but I'll never don a ski mask and rob my local credit union.

Also, I collect swords. I really enjoy the balance, and beauty of the blade. I have two traditionally forged katanas that I treasure. I have swung them around, and even slashed through a few branches and cardboard boxes with them. I can even fantasize that I am a samurai of old, engaged in a dual to the death when I hold or swing them. Then I try to REALLY imagine myself hurting or killing another human being with my swords, and my stomach lurches. I could never EVER use those swords to really kill someone. I'd be sick if I accidentally nicked someone with them.

There is a very clear line between what I can enjoy in my fantasy life, and what I can enjoy in my reality. Sex is one of those things.

That is something that is hard for people to understand about my asexuality. If I can fantasize about it, why can't I do it?

The answer is, I don't know. There is something that stops me from being able to make my reality anything like my fantasy life. The simple answer may be that it simply takes too much of my mental ability to achieve satisfaction sexually. Because of my low libido, if I concentrate all of my mental ability into a fantasy, I can reach satisfaction. In reality, I can't give over all of my mental powers to the task. I have to rely on what my body can actually feel, and respond to, and that pales in comparison to what my mind could conjure if given my full concentration.

In reality, my body simply cannot feel the sensations that my mind can imagine. What my body is capable of actually feeling is a pale ghost of what I need to imagine to reach orgasm by private methods. I have to actually imagine sensations my body is not capable of to reach orgasm. I can't maintain that fiction when I try with a partner. As I have said, the whole experience becomes exhausting, and ultimately pointless.

I struggle with the conflict. I struggled for a long time, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Only accepting that I am asexual has there been a sense of understanding in myself. The reality of sex is simply something I cannot do. It is as far removed from my thoughts as is the idea of robbing a bank. I can fantasize about it, but I just can't do it in real life.

I had thoughts about castration since my 15. More than six months ago i was burdizzoed. Recently i've had my testicles and sack removed. I think i can be considered a sexless slave now.

JesusA (imported) wrote: Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:03 pm 1) Who are your sexual fantasies about?

2) To whom are you sexually attracted?

3) With whom do you actually have sexual relations?

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org) defines asexuality as "someone who does not experience sexual attraction," our question number 2. In our own work, we have tended to use the answer to question number 3 to indicate asexuality.

We did not, unfortunately, include any question in our survey about masturbation. Is it sexual? Can one masturbate and be asexual? Again, from the AVEN site, an FAQ on the question:

Do you intend to imply that someone is asexual if they have not had sex? It seems to me like #2 is a more reasonable definition. (I am virgin and do not identify.)

There was an article on Salon with some info about David Jay, might be worth a read (in general, I'm _not_ a fan of tracy clark-flory, the writer). [ http://www.salon.com/2011/08/20/asexuality/ ]. It mentions some cases where asexuals do not derive sexual pleasure similar to most people (different / not present "high").

I have had sex with women to hide being gay.Did not go well.Had sex with men .At first it was great.I've have lost interest in sex all together.I masterbate once every 4 to 5 month with no wet dreams inbetween.I am romantically still interested in men.So I do consider my self asexual.The thought of castration does not even turn me on.Just wish I could have it done or if this is a good enough reason to have it done.

purpletomato (imported) wrote: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:34 am Do you intend to imply that someone is asexual if they have not had sex? It seems to me like #2 is a more reasonable definition. (I am virgin and do not identify.)

There was an article on Salon with some info about David Jay, might be worth a read (in general, I'm _not_ a fan of tracy clark-flory, the writer). [ http://www.salon.com/2011/08/20/asexuality/ ]. It mentions some cases where asexuals do not derive sexual pleasure similar to most people (different / not present "high").

Sexual attraction is not sex. Someone who is virgin may still experience sexual attraction(lust) towards someone else.