Personal Development

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Moi posed a simple question about my post on Colombia which actually got complicated when I got to thinking about it (Gotta stop thinking, too much work). His observation was that I seem to set myself up for all the 'irregularities' that working overseas bring - or something like that.

In thinking about it, it occured to me that I use it to bring about a lot of changes in myself. I feel like a completely different person than I was at 16. What I was looking for was how other people address such changes in themselves.

I am probably what shrinks would call something like impulsive. I just want to throw some stuff in the pickup and run. That is OK for a weekend trip somewhere close, but it doesn't work at all if you are going to travel for hours and maybe a day or more to get to work. It is terribly embarassing to get there and not have basic stuff that any idiot would know that you need. The embarassment would be so acute that I force myself now to be organized instead of jump and run.

I am paid to put a definite opinion on paper with a program and budget if I like it along with my signature. It is there for anybody to take a popshot at, which of course happens. Like a lot of people, I find it a lot easier to do things verbally and not be forced into definite conclusions. I make myself do that now and have gained the confidence that my opinions are worth no less than anybody elses.

I cannot remember what shrinks call it, but I have an exaggerated sense of self. I am very self-conscious and that ruled my life for most of my years. Even common situations where I make understandable mistakes can make me blush. Travelling overseas guarantees you will be trying to solve things when you do not even understand what is being said that well. Thru sheer persistance, I think, I have just ground that down to controlable panics.

I grew up in a small farming town in Idaho where Mexicans did a lot of the hard work and, of course, were dumped on because they were different. I mean, they were dark and spoke a different language and were dangerous looking and all. Now I have pretty well mastered conversational Spanish and had to laugh twice when Latinos in South America told me they did not like Negros because they were dark and dangerous looking. Anyway, I have gotten to the point that I am totally comfortable with most people in other countries. I have no problem being 100 km. from the nearest white guy.

I have found that as all those pieces fall into place, I am controlling or have changed what were some of the silliest things I limited myself with. The end result is actually exhilerating. I look forward to new challenges because I feel like I can master most things the world throws my way. It is that excitement about the world that I encredibly enjoy.

Now, I would like to ask what has worked for other people to change themselves as they grow older?