Cryptorchid with castration fantasy
Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 11:59 am
Hello everyone. Long time reader, first time poster. Allow me to introduce myself.
Apparently, after I was born, my right testicle did not descend as it was meant to. I'm not quite sure how long this went undetected, or whether the doctor(s) thought there simply wasn't a testicle there. I haven't really questioned my surviving parent about it too deeply.
All I remember for certain is that when I was perhaps 5 years old, maybe 6...possibly as old as 7...I had surgery to put the testicle "in its place".
That right testicle has never been as big as the left one, and it stays up higher to the body than my left one.
When I was 16, I discovered a lump on that testicle. I had to to go to my general practitioner, who referred me to have what I think was an ultrasound done on the testicle. But there was a week's wait in between. We had just learned in high school about testicular cancer, and so I spent that week absolutely freaking out and worried that I would end up having my balls cut off.
After a few days though...I stopped worrying so much and realized that I wouldn't be bothered so much if I didn't have balls. I even realized that the idea kind of excited me. I'm not sure if this is some kind of sexualized hold-over from the young experience of having surgery on my genitals or what, but I because aroused at the thought of having my balls removed.
The lump, it turned out, was just a cyst. I've had a few more ultrasounds or sonograms or whatever (they put gel on my nutsack and wave a cold metal probe on my balls) and although a couple more cysts have appeared, there is nothing medically alarming and the doctors do not see fit to remove the testicle. I even asked once. I said that the anxiety of constantly worrying about cancer appearing was causing me physical distress, but the urologist was unwilling to recommend an orchiectomy.
So here I am. 30 years old, and I've spent nearly half my life with a sexual desire to be castrated. For now, unless I find a medically necessary reason to go further, it shall remain a fantasy...but it's good to know that I am not the only one out there with similar interests.
For the sake of information, I am a gay male, a "bear", so to speak. I consider myself fairly masculine and have no desires in the sexual reassignment or feminization areas. And even if I were to be castrated I would desire to remain masculine. I suppose that would require testosterone therapy.
Well, that's me. Hello
Apparently, after I was born, my right testicle did not descend as it was meant to. I'm not quite sure how long this went undetected, or whether the doctor(s) thought there simply wasn't a testicle there. I haven't really questioned my surviving parent about it too deeply.
All I remember for certain is that when I was perhaps 5 years old, maybe 6...possibly as old as 7...I had surgery to put the testicle "in its place".
That right testicle has never been as big as the left one, and it stays up higher to the body than my left one.
When I was 16, I discovered a lump on that testicle. I had to to go to my general practitioner, who referred me to have what I think was an ultrasound done on the testicle. But there was a week's wait in between. We had just learned in high school about testicular cancer, and so I spent that week absolutely freaking out and worried that I would end up having my balls cut off.
After a few days though...I stopped worrying so much and realized that I wouldn't be bothered so much if I didn't have balls. I even realized that the idea kind of excited me. I'm not sure if this is some kind of sexualized hold-over from the young experience of having surgery on my genitals or what, but I because aroused at the thought of having my balls removed.
The lump, it turned out, was just a cyst. I've had a few more ultrasounds or sonograms or whatever (they put gel on my nutsack and wave a cold metal probe on my balls) and although a couple more cysts have appeared, there is nothing medically alarming and the doctors do not see fit to remove the testicle. I even asked once. I said that the anxiety of constantly worrying about cancer appearing was causing me physical distress, but the urologist was unwilling to recommend an orchiectomy.
So here I am. 30 years old, and I've spent nearly half my life with a sexual desire to be castrated. For now, unless I find a medically necessary reason to go further, it shall remain a fantasy...but it's good to know that I am not the only one out there with similar interests.
For the sake of information, I am a gay male, a "bear", so to speak. I consider myself fairly masculine and have no desires in the sexual reassignment or feminization areas. And even if I were to be castrated I would desire to remain masculine. I suppose that would require testosterone therapy.
Well, that's me. Hello