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So you think you're having a bad day?...

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 2:59 pm
by emasculateme (imported)
Found this posted on FetLife...it's hilarious in a twisted sense...

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY....

check it out these actual cases....

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.

The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest.

The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it.

One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen.

While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle and the shattered patio door.

She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside.

She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.

He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business.

About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance.

The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself.

She told them.

They started laughing so hard, one slipped, dropping the stretcher and dumping the husband out.

He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm....

Still having a bad day?

Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers..

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.

Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany .

Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.

What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.

It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better????

Re: So you think you're having a bad day?...

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 3:23 pm
by Dave (imported)
The guy in he wet suit was disproved by the Mythbusters but who cares. It makes a nice story to giggle at.

The ambulance crew dropped the man in a cactus patch and there is a real news story to prove it. Don't ask me where, go look it up...

AS for Exxon and the seals - the story is an anti-environmental lie. And a dumb lie at that because had they left the contaminated animal, the whale would have died from oil poisoning. YOU KNOW -- big fish eat little fish, little fish eat smaller fish and smaller fish eat guppies and plankton... the thigh bone is connected to the hip bone, hip bone connected to the spine bone the spine bone conencted to the penis boner and humpty dumpty won't fall tonight!

I think the rest are silly fun. However, I first heard the Bomb joke about the IRA many years ago (When I was young and charming)

Re: So you think you're having a bad day?...

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 3:55 pm
by Riverwind (imported)
My son is having the after effects of a couple bad days.

It all started last week, he borrowed a three wheeler and took it into the woods, while going up a hill the trike tipped over on him, both he and the bike went back down the hill with him saving any damage to the bike by landing first, then the sun started to go down and a big big thunderstorm came in and he realized nobody knew where he was so he had to push the bike off of him then restart it with the rope pull like the type used with lawn mowers, he finally gets the bike back to its owner and limped home,

so you thing your having a bad day, well the next day he is at this same friends house with his dog, and one of the people in the park, (on disability because of to many drugs) about the same age as my son was rolling a joint when the dog went by and bumped him knocking his arm dumping that pot in his lap. He cussed out the dog, which pissed of my son so as soon as he got it all back on this tray my (dumb ass) son flipped it over on the ground, now my son weighs about 140 lbs on a great day, the other kid is about 5 inches taller and weighs about 250, he jumps my son and beats the shit out of him, like he did not hurt enough now he has new places to hurt.

He came in limping and looking for sympathy, somehow I cant give him a whole lot of sympathy when he did it to himself. He complains and I laugh, he is not happy with me.

River

Re: So you think you're having a bad day?...

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 3:56 pm
by transward (imported)
Not new, not true (mostly) but still funny,

http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/fakenews.asp

Transward