Hi, my name is Quinn. I'm a 21 y/o male art student. I've been lurking the fiction archive since 2005 when I was 15. Back then I was very frightened by being strangely aroused by castration and fgm. It really changed the way I looked at my own sexuality. I'm coming to terms with those emotions and and beginning to better accept myself overall. I have no real desire to become a eunuch myself, it is fantasy, but I am fascinated with the de-sexualizing of human beings.

Incidentally, I make alot of stories that go with my artwork. I've been struggling for some time to create some type of fiction that would express the feelings I have about de-sexualization. I've written this piece from a much larger narrative I've been undertaking since I was 15.

The following is a conversation between two characters. I feel this would be appropriate to introduce myself to the board.

Abigail: I am happy to have found you, I feel as though I haven’t made love in several lifetimes.

G-Man: How did I break that streak?

Abigail: Very hard to put my finger on that one, but it is something about…about, well about you I guess. You please me, I enjoy the feeling of loneliness and solidarity when you’re inside me, when I sink my nails into your flesh, feel your rhythmic muscles churning, the pulse of your human heart, the smell of your human warmth. I don’t want to bite you and I’m not sure why but I’m not sure I ever will. It is rather thrilling to be with someone who would otherwise be my meal.

G-Man: Am I just a meat game to you?

Abigail: Hahahahaha! It is much more sentimental than that, my dear. You’re the only meat I’ve wanted to stay in my presence. I have desire for you, Gabrielé, you bring my heat a certain solace I have not felt before but the more I have you the more I crave you. I feel like you have the ability to touch something deep inside me. I only wish I could feel you in my empty cleft. It is the ghost that makes me ache horribly.

G-Man: Why do you allow me to make love to you when you can’t feel? That seems like torture.

Abigail: Beautiful, wonderful, glorious torture! You allow me to ache even more and I only hope that soon the ache will erupt and tear through my body. Gabrielé, you give me hope!

G-Man: And you give me a reason to exist, Abigail.

Abigail: Tell me I’m your god and your wisdom!

G-Man: I could not tell you that.

Abigail: And I admire you all the more for it.

G-Man: Admiration is a serious thing to consider. I cannot consider our love making as a completely serious endeavor. We are both so far form each other when we make love, as far apart as we can be even though we move in unison. I can’t say the feeling is new to me but when I fuck you I lose control of my thoughts and enter a place where no matter how hard I tear and gnaw and thrust I only fall farther away from you and all things even myself. I become no one in a world with nothing in it. I hate to admit it: I wish you could feel something like the other women and men I’ve been with. I’d like to see you twitch or coo like the other girls do just as a sign that I’m not alone.

Abigail: You are alone.

G-Man: What a curse it is to feel.

Abigail: It is a curse not to feel.

Tell me, do you wish to die?

G-Man: No, I have never wished to die. From time to time I have wanted to disappear completely but never to die.

Abigail: Funny how I could fulfill that wish if you wanted me to, but I would be filled with absolute sadness if you did.

G-Man: Are you not filled to the brim with it already? Can our bodies and our spirits ever really fill the void we both share?

Abigail: We do not share a void, dearest; I don’t ever want you to believe that. We share a bond because we are both in the same dark corner. It is only chance that diverted us from our initial courses and brought us together in emptiness. Embrace it Gabrielé, we are creatures of loneliness and no matter what we do nothing can change that. If we were to be whole we would surely die.

G-Man: How can you be so sure? I am human, I see the world differently.

Abigail: No living thing sees the world that differently, I can assure you.

G-Man: Assure me? Nothing can assure me of that. Where I have hunger you have violence.

Abigail: Hunger is violence, everything that feels hunger must consume other life in order to survive. I survive off the likes of your kind.

G-Man: But you have all the appearances and charms of my kind how is it that you’re that separated?

Abigail: Because your kind is food and drink, my entire sustenance. How can I make that clearer? Shall I eat you slowly piece by piece? I did consume a young woman slowly once but it was out of love do you see? She wanted me to eat her! I had to oblige. That was the only way we could be together. There is goodness in death, my dearest. She gave me her life and I ended it piece by tender piece and all for her. It was the best gift ever given to me and the greatest love I have ever known.

G-Man: But that is surely different from me? You can’t devour me but if you wanted to I suppose you could. Why am I so different from the teeming masses that walk by you constantly? Who am I to be spared of dinner?

Abigail: I wish I knew. However, some things are better left unknown. This makes me very venerable but I need to feel venerable because it grounds me and makes me more aware when I’m among people. You make me more acute and I am glad to have found you.

G-Man: No more of this love nonsense. It is all too much for me to realize all at once. I don’t want to be attached I want to fade like a photograph left in the sun for too long. Memories fade like that until you can’t be anything more or anything less than what you are.

Abigail: Follow it down, G-Man! Ahahahahahahaha….Tonight G-Man we will arrive at a particularly special destination.

G-Man: How much longer, Abigail?

Abigail: Oh, not much longer. Where we will go will only involve you and me. Its one of my many hiding places faraway from prying eyes and the threat of roadways and grinding engines. The hills are thick and alive with forest that no act of civilization can penetrate. We are to go where the spirits rest and where the underground is a series of blackened undiscoverable caverns that only exist for those who know. Gabriele, you and I shall be gone a long time down there who knows how long. I have once spent an entire year in this place in virtual darkness and completely alone. I do not think you could survive that long a time or even half that long a time, no I must take it easy on you as much as I can. I feel that our stay will destroy all you perceptions until all that is left is a tiny ball of human life quietly counting every breath and heartbeat. What you can’t see is that greatest enemy but your only friend.

G-Man: Shall we tread through the new fallen snow to get there?

Abigail: That is the only way, dearest. I only hope that a sickness or a tragedy does not befall you.

G-Man: Such gruesome things have befallen me since I met you. How should I expect that calamity will not play its hand?

Abigail: This is not a card game this is a journey and journeys are decided by their followers. Now prepare, we have a long way to go in each others arms by ourselves. Help me dress but first admire me because you shall seldom see me in such a state in the coming weeks.

G-Man: I hope we never find each other on this journey. My fear grows more intense day by day.

Abigail: Let the fear purify your heart.

G-Man: There is no purity in fear, only practicality: the means that every human lives and dies by. I shall prepare for the end for the sake of such practicality. I must go now.

Abigail: But where?

G-Man: To the mens washroom.

Abigail: But wont you help me dress?

G-Man: Not tonight I’m afraid. I am overwhelmed.

Abigail: By what I have told you?

G-Man: Quite the opposite. It is what you haven’t told me. Goodbye for now. We will meet again when we reach our destination.