Changing a light bulb
Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 9:35 pm
I edited this list down quite a bit. Many of the references in items I deleted are very dated. Others I found a bit too biting to retain. I have included no source because I found this on a number of web sites.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
A': 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on how much the light bulb wants to change
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
A'': Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a software problem.
A': None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A tree in a golden forest.
A': Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
A'': One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb.
A''':None. Zen masters carry their own light.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the definitions are of the form ``A <...> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks.''
A': Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
A': It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
A'': Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never was any light bulb.
Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
A': It's out?? Sell my G.E. stock NOW!
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
A': 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on how much the light bulb wants to change
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
A'': Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a software problem.
A': None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A tree in a golden forest.
A': Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
A'': One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb.
A''':None. Zen masters carry their own light.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the definitions are of the form ``A <...> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks.''
A': Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
A': It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
A'': Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never was any light bulb.
Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
A': It's out?? Sell my G.E. stock NOW!
