Last night I got an obscene phone call from someone who claimed to know me off of a gay dating website. This is impossible, as I've never given my phone number out to any of the hundreds of men I've spoken to online. It was (in all likelihood) one of my friends' friends playing a cruel joke on me.

But I've had enough. For six years, now, I've lived as a homosexual and I've hated every minute of it. And while I've never actually engaged in any sort of sexual behavior, I know that it is simply not something for me. Right now I'm pre-op for a gastric bypass surgery, and as soon as I've lost all my excess weight, I'm going to go to the cleanest body modification shop in my town and have myself castrated. And, if possible, I'll have the nerve endings in my penis severed, severing any and all possibility of sexual pleasure. My life has been lived in a state of sexual malaise, and there's only one way to end it. I chose to be homosexual for six years, and it became an addiction, a cancer. And the only way to deal with a cancer is to cut it off. I am an antisexual- all sex, for me at least, is horribly, horribly wrong. All I want is to live a quiet, peaceful and meditative life, but sexuality is standing in my way. The end of this terror is coming soon.

I cannot, I will not, live life as a sexual creature. Sex is something that makes otherwise smart, responsible people weak minded and dim-witted. I know, I've been there. And there's no way in Hell that I will live in a world where I can engage in sexual activity. People are starting to invade my life, whether they're real or imaginary, they're coming. I will punish them all through sexual inaction.

Only I will remain.

Well, whatever your motive, no " body mod shop" exists that does castrations. That would be highly illegal. Underground cutter are dangerous and also illegal. Best that you go to the MD in Atlanta that will indeed do this, legally and safely

Milkman (imported) wrote: Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:37 am Well, whatever your motive, no " body mod shop" exists that does castrations. That would be highly illegal. Underground cutter are dangerous and also illegal. Best that you go to the MD in Atlanta that will indeed do this, legally and safely

Whatever it takes. I will not be terrorized by the homosexual community, or my friends or my own sexuality. If it were up to me, if I ran the world, I'd have scientists, genetic engineers and technicians working on a way to take the pleasure out of sex. Think of all the problems that could be solved with sex taken out of the picture. No Muslims raping their wives, no Catholic Priests molesting boys. The population would go down drastically because nobody would want to engage in a sex act without pleasure to procreate. There'd be no need to censor sexual images in film and television because no one would be aroused by them anymore. It would be a great world to live in.

Do you know what has made sex so ugly for you? Many people enjoy sex and would not want that taken away.

In your earlier post you mentioned being gay was a choice. I find that offensive. I am gay and it is as much a part of me as for someone who is straight.

I also have to say rape is not about sex but power and control. Men who molest children are pedophiles and that is an illness and a crime. Gays do not molest children but pedophiles do.

tugon (imported) wrote: Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:20 pm In your earlier post you mentioned being gay was a choice. I find that offensive. I am gay and it is as much a part of me as for someone who is straight.

I didn't mean to offend you, homosexuality isn't a choice for everybody. For me, it was a conscious choice that I made in high school. It turned into an addiction and the addiction spiraled out of control. No, not every homosexual is a pervert, but many of them are-- I've been on just about every gay dating site on the internet and I can tell you it's downright ugly. If you want to get real specific, I was actually forced into choosing homosexuality, because most of my friends were gay and I felt the only way to fit in was for me to be gay, too. But they all pushed it to the limit, having sex anonymously with men from the internet or even having sex or performing sex on animals. That's not who I am, I've never done anything like that, and by God, I never will. Sex is a cancer on the scarred face of society, and the only way to get rid of cancer is to cut it off. The same can be said of many heterosexuals and so-called heterosexuals who go from bar to bar and port to port, having anonymous sex with whores and prostitutes.

I am an antisexual, and I don't think that's a choice-- for six years I forced myself to be something I wasn't and I think that's bad. Right now I'm reading a book that's changing my life: "Crash," by J.G. Ballard, the author was either severely sexually disturbed or a devout antisexual. It's about how our dependence on technology has given birth to a perverse new sexuality. In the book, it's all about the sexual excitement people can get out of being in a serious car crash, but it applies very much to today's society, as well. The book, although written in 1973, parallels humans bizarre new sexuality with the internet. It's a world where anything is possible, where you can log in, chat anonymously with hundreds of people who may be real, may be illusions, where you can hookup and have sex at a 'meeting place,' yeah, I've been around, you dig?

What made me hate sex so much? I was molested by a female social worker when I was 12 years old. She often showed me pornography and even assaulted me once. Ever since then, I've only masturbated out of habit, not because it brings me pleasure. In fact, it brings me no pleasure at all! All it does is milk my prostate and relieve a little bit of tension, but I get no physical pleasure out of the act itself. I stopped watching pornography, as it sickens me. People doll themselves up, making themselves pretty, and for what? To titillate others? No. It's simply to show off. It's to say "I'm better than you," and "You'll never be this hot." But what they don't know is that, in time, their pretty pink flesh will turn gray with age and they will succumb to the agony of time.

What else can I say? I hate sex, and if it were up to me, it would be abolished from every mind, every thought and every possibility. I don't want to live in a world where people live their lives for the thrills, the sexual thrills. "Crash," has taught me so far that sexuality left unchecked by regulations is a dangerous and horrible thing. People can hurt themselves, people can die. Sure, that can be said of any activity, riding a roller coaster, watching TV, anything, but sex is different-- they preach it to children on television and sell it to teenagers in magazines. There's nothing in this sexual world that I desire. And frankly, I don't see why anyone would want to engage in anything like it. I've never had sex, I've never done anything sexual, I was born a virgin and I vow I'll die one as well.

I just looked at your profile, and I see your in your early 20's. There are a couple things that you should try before doing something that can not be reversed, and you have a lot of time on your hands, with a bit of luck 50 plus years.

First seek out a therapist, talk it over with them so you understand your feelings, because I see a lot of anger in you and its not a good way to go through life. As for your sexual preference, there is time to fix that, change that, or do away with it, TAKE YOUR TIME.

That phone call you got may have been and most likely was someone you don't even know, some guy just making prank phone calls and happened to get you, who ever it was, was just trying to get under your skin, and has most likely forgotten all about it. You took it personally, when you should do the same, blow it off.

I am sorry this happened to you, but this is the world we live in today, it doesn't matter what others think of you, it really doesn't, it only matters what you think of yourself.

I wish you the very best, get some counseling it helps, I know as I have done this myself, but don't do something rash that you could later regret.

River

Riverwind (imported) wrote: Sat Mar 26, 2011 9:04 am I just looked at your profile, and I see your in your early 20's. There are a couple things that you should try before doing something that can not be reversed, and you have a lot of time on your hands, with a bit of luck 50 plus years.

First seek out a therapist, talk it over with them so you understand your feelings, because I see a lot of anger in you and its not a good way to go through life. As for your sexual preference, there is time to fix that, change that, or do away with it, TAKE YOUR TIME.

That phone call you got may have been and most likely was someone you don't even know, some guy just making prank phone calls and happened to get you, who ever it was, was just trying to get under your skin, and has most likely forgotten all about it. You took it personally, when you should do the same, blow it off.

I am sorry this happened to you, but this is the world we live in today, it doesn't matter what others think of you, it really doesn't, it only matters what you think of yourself.

I wish you the very best, get some counseling it helps, I know as I have done this myself, but don't do something rash that you could later regret.

River

I know I'm young, but in the age of the internet, you grow up fast, as you're exposed to all kinds of pornography at a very young age. My father, a Baptist, insists that God made me the way I am and that it's not a sin to be homosexual. But he's also told me that at the age of 23 (my age, now) he took a trip to Canada and happened upon a convenience store, where he saw some magazines with attractive-looking women on them, and upon thumbing through said magazines, he found what he described as being "the most sick, twisted, vile and evil sex acts I could imagine," and he'd seen his share of Playboy, but that this was just sickening. But the morality in this tale is that back in 1980, that kind of thing was only available in magazines which could only be sold to adults who knew what they were looking at. But today, the internet has given birth to a new sexuality, what I call the 'youngest sexuality of the brainwashed Millennials.' Anything is available readily on the internet, and although I, or anyone else can choose not to look at it, we feel compelled to do so, because it's a part of this new sexuality.

I'm in therapy, right now. My doctor, who specializes in psychosexuality and is openly gay himself, wants to do something called "EMDR" or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy on me, but I'm afraid of the whole thing in general. He says it will drag out painful memories and allow me to feel so much less pain. If you've ever seen the movie "Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier," you might remember the Laurence Luckinbill character, Sybok, who has the magical ability to make a man face his pain and then draw strength from it. He does this trick to most of the crew of the Starship Enterprise, but when he comes to William Shatner, aka Captain Kirk, Kirk says "No! I need my pain! My pain is what makes me the man I am!" And that's sort of how I feel about the whole EMDR process, if I didn't have pain, if I didn't have suffering, I might cease to have a personality. Being an aspiring writer, I don't want that to happen, as most writers draw their strength from their pain, they use their pain, they embrace it and write beautiful things out of it. If I didn't have pain, I would just become another brainwashed Millennial, working at Staples.

The phone call I got was probably from someone I knew, as they knew my name as soon as I said "Hello," and when I had a friend text the number, which was local, the prank caller mentioned a few people I know who might be texting him anonymously, then I threatened to call the cops on this person (I've narrowed it down to three people who might have been behind it.) and they said "Sir, what are the cops going to do for you?" But then they got freaked out by the friend who I had anonymously texting them and left me alone. I'm pretty sure it was my friend, we'll call him... "Brian," who works as a peddler at a local adult bookstore. He peddles smut for a living, and he knows about my escapades I had online over the years, and his morality is so warped that he probably thought it would be funny to text me from some unregistered phone (Yes, I looked it up, and there were several online complaints about the number.). Whether it was him, or one of my friends, or a stalker who somehow acquired my number, I will not be terrorized by porn peddlers, perverts or homosexuals.

As I've said, I lived my life for six years as a homosexual, and I wish I could go back in time, and cut off all relations with the homosexual community I had, the sick, twisted individuals who forced me into becoming homosexual. But I can't, and now there's no going back, so I'm left only with an extreme option- I have to make an example out of myself, I have to show these people who terrorized me that I mean business. And if that means going to a licensed doctor who can remove my testicles or sever the nerve endings in my penis, then so be it. I'm so desperate to get rid of sexuality that I'd go to a street cutter, so long as they had a good reputation. I appreciate your concern, but I'm on edge, here. Sexuality has never done me any good, and never will do me any good and I say damn it to Hell. My anger runs deep and seated well inside the walls of my mind and by God, I like it that way. No one can tear away what I am, I've never enjoyed masturbation, pornography or the idea of sex in general, so it's a cancer, and like I keep saying, the only way to kill a cancer is to cut it off.

You didn't like your previous life so you are going to do something permanent and irreversible to change it.

NOPE! Stop right there. YOU ARE NEVER LEFT WITH ONE OPTION.

Get a new apartment. Change your clothes. Buy a new car but do not permanently alter your body. That's not going to fix the problems in your head.

Before that, get a therapist you can talk to and work out the problems in your mind.

Everybody has behavior they regret. In the next six years you may look back and still regret your years behaving homosexual but the worst would be if you regret permanently altering your body in haste.

Dave (imported) wrote: Sat Mar 26, 2011 10:01 am Everybody has behavior they regret. In the next six years you may look back and still regret your years behaving homosexual but the worst would be if you regret permanently altering your body in haste.

Why would I regret it? It's the greatest thing I'll ever do.

This place, this web, this internet makes me sick. I only keep coming back to it out of addiction. Soon, and very soon, I might add, I'm going to give it up. I managed to go for three months without a computer over the summer of 2010, and if I can live through that, then by God, I can make it a whole lifetime without it. I feel the only way to atone for my behavior is by permanently altering my body, by removing the tools that allowed me to do what I did. Sure, I could get rid of the computer, not cut my balls off and live quietly without the constant 'hum' of technology, but I'd still be able to wander into a gay bar and hook up with some strange man I don't know and have anonymous sex in one of the bathroom stalls. I'm not going to let that happen. They say television will change your mind, well, the internet will change your body. It's through the reshaping of the human body by the internet that I've come to the conclusion I am at now.

Why not try chemical castration first? The only reason NOT to do this is if you have sexualized the castration procedure, which is something that I realize I have done. If your goal is to live without sexual desire, this is the rational first step.