Hi to everyone who takes the time to read this.iv been visiting this site for about the last 10 years but untill recently had been too paranoid to make an id or post. So I found it about time for introductions. Im a 30 yr old married white male ( at least on the surface anyway ) and I live on the east coast of the usa. In my early to mid 20s I had done some trials with chemical castration and feminizing but stopped about 6 to 9 months in when I met my wife. Early in the relationship a jealous ex informed her I like guys and trannies...and at that point I spilled the rest of the beans....a little cross dressing and snm.......even my dislike for my testicles, and she still loved me enough to marry me. About a year ago I explained my desire to be a eunuch and feminized ( she new I disliked my balls but I never really spelled it out for her before that ) and told her about my previous run with the chemicalncastration and hormones.......my bouts with the elastrator and the alcohol injections. After 5 years of marriage these were the only secrets that remained. Ihave truely bared my soul to her and she is still with me so that's a good sign. Her only real issue with all of this is her own insecurities, fearing if im feminized I will no longer want her. I have been on depo provera now for a little over 2 months and take 4 mg estrofem a day with the occasional transdermal gel pack and injections. I have never felt closer to my wife as I do now and I communicate my feelings much better and am a far more attentive lover and I have awsome skin. I think she may get to like the new me. ( or should I say the real me ). im not sure exactly where in the gender spectrum I fall or where ill end up when this is all said and done but I sure as hell ain't a man. Not sure what I am really. Maybe a boy one day and a girl the next......I think ill just be me and see what happens

kyennamo (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 10, 2011 7:38 pm im not sure exactly where in the gender spectrum I fall or where ill end up when this is all said and done but I sure as hell ain't a man. Not sure what I am really. Maybe a boy one day and a girl the next......I think ill just be me and see what happens

We're exactly on the same page about this identity issue. hehe. I really want to be feminized though i have no strength to face the consequence yet. I am still attracted with girls too, though my desire to have a feminine body keeps on getting stronger. how's your transition going now? I'd love to read more from you and i wish you all the luck

kyennamo:

I just finished reading Terri's multi-year blog thread (http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=8265), and think you might identify with and/or benefit from reading her individual experience. Her spouse wasn't nearly so understanding, but considering all her varying personal and individual experiences, you might appreciate it, very much.

Hi kyennamo,

Well done for joining in. It always seems a shame when guys can't tell their spouses of their interest in castration. My wife has been very supportive and understanding, and I'm very pleased to hear that your wife is so supportive. Now that you've mostly come clean with her and she's accepting you for who you are, it's probably worth telling her everything, and promising to keep her informed in the future. She sounds like an understanding woman and she'll be reassured by your honesty. It sounds like she's handling your feminisation very well, but she probably needs reassuring about your orientation. For instance, she might worry that you'll start wanting to have a relationship with a man.

Riven (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 12, 2011 5:06 pm Hi kyennamo,

Well done for joining in. It always seems a shame when guys can't tell their spouses of their interest in castration. My wife has been very supportive and understanding, and I'm very pleased to hear that your wife is so supportive. Now that you've mostly come clean with her and she's accepting you for who you are, it's probably worth telling her everything, and promising to keep her informed in the future. She sounds like an understanding woman and she'll be reassured by your honesty. It sounds like she's handling your feminisation very well, but she probably needs reassuring about your orientation. For instance, she might worry that you'll start wanting to have a relationship with a man.

I always look forward to and like reading Riven's comments and advice on this site.

Riven (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 12, 2011 5:06 pm Hi kyennamo,

Well done for joining in. It always seems a shame when guys can't tell their spouses of their interest in castration. My wife has been very supportive and understanding, and I'm very pleased to hear that your wife is so supportive. Now that you've mostly come clean with her and she's accepting you for who you are, it's probably worth telling her everything, and promising to keep her informed in the future. She sounds like an understanding woman and she'll be reassured by your honesty. It sounds like she's handling your feminisation very well, but she probably needs reassuring about your orientation. For instance, she might worry that you'll start wanting to have a relationship with a man.

she is very insecure and does receive constant reassurance but my orientation is what scares her. although i make it very clear, my orientation wont change. its the same now as it was then. i had those needs before, but i love her and am committed to her, so whats different now.

kyennamo (imported) wrote: Thu Jan 13, 2011 6:09 pm she is very insecure and does receive constant reassurance but my orientation is what scares her. although i make it very clear, my orientation wont change. its the same now as it was then. i had those needs before, but i love her and am committed to her, so whats different now.

What's different?

I think it's very difficult for a woman not to feel rejected when her partner expresses a desire for castration.

My wife and I realise that my interest in castration was at least partly a reaction to her loss of interest in sex. On a conscious level I understood that her loss of interest was due to approaching menopause, but it's affect on my subconscious was to make me feel sexually rejected. We'd been discussing vasectomy and half jokingly agreed that castration would ensure our infertility and cure my sexual frustration at the same time. The idea appealed to her because it might stop me wanting to stray. She also enjoyed the idea that I would make such a sacrifice for her. I think that last idea is the one that allowed her to overcome any feelings that my wanting to be castrated might be a rejection of her.

(Many thanks nonamesplease. I enjoy your posts too. )