Okay hello all ... Alittle bit about me.

I am a 21 year old Male to Female Transsexual, I'm studying in university Based on a quick flip through of your forums I'm not the first of my kind who you've encountered. I'm a final year university student (Biology)

I live here in the UK however I've previously had bad experiences with transphobic GP's Although I've got a nice one now.

Low on options at the time and no official channels I self-medicated Estrogen and Hormone blockers (Spiro) although I considered castration... I moved through my physical transition electrolysis training my voice name change and so on. Now I live full-time as a female these days and I've been on HRT 10 months or so I think I'm reasonably passable these days.

Castrating myself is both a practical and emotional matter and I'm very serious.

As I'm self medicating and my GP has protocol to follow he needs a certified GIC approval which will at it's current rate take another 9 months ontop of the 10 I've already waited. He just tells me to stop self medicating which I won't do.

So I'm dependent on Questionable black market websites and dodgy drug dealers for my Hormones and T suppressors. and I'm subject to there personal whims and I've been exploited because of my medical needs.

Castrating myself will liberate me from these people and situations and set me free.

Beyond that I hate my testicles... Those two disgusting glands they've ruined my life and turned me into garbage. My voice will never change back despite my training I still feel it. They stole my teenage years leaving me a suicidal scarred mess from self harm Anybody I tell about my past will cringe away in horror at me and never consider me for a relationship. Hell

even when "comatose" through T-blockers they still govern my life and compromise me through my continued need of suppressor drugs.

Killing/Destroying them won't give me back what's already been stolen off me but it's an important emotional step in me reclaiming my life.

I intend to castrate myself through a Burdizzo clamp method. However scientific papers on this issue are limited I come to your community to ask for your experience on this method sizes of clamp needed for a human where to look and where to find someone willing to pull the trigger and help me.

You should go to the search function and look up burdizzo. No one especialy likes it because it fails more than it works.

Read this thread: http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthr ... t=burdizzo

There are numerous threads on chemical castration and feminization. I don't take hormones. Others can discuss them from first hand experience.

Welcome, Pebbles! Congratulations on starting soon enough to make a significant and permanent difference in your life. I'm 53 and only wish I had the resources now available when I was a teenager. Alas, the internet wasn't available, nor were chat rooms or message boards. While it's ideal to start at age 16, you've still prevented many of the worst effects of testosterone.

If you don't mind needles and hypodermic syringes, may I suggest ethanol injections instead of burdizzo or banding? Read the topic Ethyl Alcohol Teste Injections (

Dave (imported) wrote: Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:50 pm http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=1

6839) by Danielle in the Eunuch Central forum.

Caith721 (imported) wrote: Sun Nov 21, 2010 6:58 pm Welcome, Pebbles! Congratulations on starting soon enough to make a significant and permanent difference in your life. I'm 53 and only wish I had the resources now available when I was a teenager. Alas, the internet wasn't available, nor were chat rooms or message boards. While it's ideal to start at age 16, you've still prevented many of the worst effects of testosterone.

If you don't mind needles and hypodermic syringes, may I suggest ethanol injections instead of burdizzo or banding? Read the topic Ethyl Alcohol Teste Injections (

Dave (imported) wrote: Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:50 pm http://w

Caith721 (imported) wrote: Sun Nov 21, 2010 6:58 pm ww.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=1
[/q

uote]
6839) by Danielle in the Eunuch Central forum. The NHS refuse any kind of treatment for young trans-teens the youngest they will offer any treatment is 18, Prior to that your just forced to endure your puberty and be mutilated the NHS is primitive and draconian in this regard.

I have nothing but respect for older TS transitioners my pain was so bad I tried to kill myself twice in my life, You must have been phenomenally strong to hold on as long as you did.

I definitely won't be banding I need scrotal material as intact as possible for SRS in the future it might take the NHS 3 years before I even get anywhere but still I'd like to be complete downstairs one day.

Your idea of alcohol injection is very interesting thank your right it is better than my current plan.

My Estrogen 90% of the time is the injectible kind I have my own sterile needles I get from a medical supplier dead cheap.

the needles for E injection are intramuscular 1.5inch 21guage needles.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v63/D ... NEEDLE.jpg

This big!

So yeah I've hadto by necessity become pretty at ease with huge needles that combined with all that electrolysis and those are burning hot needles that are begin driven into your face over and over for 2 hours. *sigh*

However even better when I first brought needles I brought the wrong kind I got 3/8inch 26guage needle and it wasn't enough to inject Oil into muscle.

Those unused needles of mine however will be perfect for this

Hmm the concern is telling the GP I'm casually seeing. He already knows my past and my hostility towards my male genitals and if I goto him with degenerate scarred clumps in my scrotum he would never buy the "I have no idea what happened Captain " excuse... Hrmm Thank you I will do additional research.

Society as much as your balls stole your teen years, truth be told. The ignorance of society, the pandering towards superficial beauty and appearances, detracting from what's really important, which is who a person is on the inside.

Give me an ugly kind person any day, over a selfish, ignorant looker.

Are you on Susana..org under the same name?

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:53 pm Are you on Susana..org under the same name?

Yes that's correct and I do recognize you Stacy. Thus now you know I self medicate and follow this risky route and this additional twist to my story It's not something I'm permitted to discuss in that community there reaction against me would be predictable I'd hope you will have discretion.