When I was last on eunuch.org (see my re-introduction post ... I guess my old account must have been idle purged or something), I think I tried to pretend a lot that I don't have the fetish fantasy, because, at least on these boards, my interest is more the serious reality, but I'd be lying to deny I had a "castration fetish fantasy."

Does anyone else ever struggle with the disparity?

A lot of folk seem to involve themselves for the ooh, its hawt novelty of it and I could understand that, I guess. There are people who do other things equally as permanent for the novel fetish of it, including suicide/snuff.

I cannot deny that I enjoy the fantasy of it, and find a lot of the fiction in the stories archive hawt. My RL interest, though, I feel important to maintain a very clear distinction ... if I go through with it IRL, it won't be for showing or entertaining anyone, and I certainly wouldn't go through with it at all if it wouldn't be in a medically safe and sound fashion.

Does anyone else have concerns about the mixing of castration fantasy with real-life reality?

I do have the same struggle, ia am planning my chemical castration for three moths now, i do have my first dose in the house, and have fantasy all the time

however it becomes more and more serious. some say you are not reqdy for it , some say other , every one has hes own idea on that. I do think that lots of us just do it , even when it began out of a fantasy. to be honest i am quit sure i will do it one off those days.

It is important to keep the fantasy part tempered with reality. I think it is common to fantasize about the castration process itself without considering it is momentary but the rest of your life without testicles is forever. I feel it is important to do a lengthy chemical castration trial to see how you adapt to the forever reality before it really is reality. I had a couple members here take me under their wing to make sure castration was suited for me. I am thankful for their effort and knew it was right for me before my surgery. It is easy to let the fantasy part seem so attractive if you let it. Be vigilant and make sure it is right for you first if you get to that point. But if you decide the reality won't work for you, there is nothing wrong with having fantasies about it.

What happened to me, at least this is my theory, is that I started fantasizing for some reason about being castrated. I had been cutting my scrotum open and I know now that cutting is a coping mechanism which gives a person some sort of relief or release from stress, etc. (Deliberate Self-Harm Syndrome) http://www.essortment.com/articles/self ... 100006.htm . But what's difficult to understand is "why" I started fantasizing about getting or being castrated. What was it about castration that turned me on? I still don't know exactly, but thinking about it turned me on and gave me huge orgasms. This lasted for at least 10 years, but then the fantasy turned into a real obsession. I became obsessed with the idea, I remember driving down the road one day, on my way home from work, shouting out, "I've got to be castrated!" So I planned it out and with a little help, I cut off my left testicle. (You can read my early posts about it). Was I insane for doing it? I don't know, but I did it and felt good about it initially. My remaining right testicle was atrophied already and should have been the first to go, but I waited several more years before Dr. Kimmel removed it, making me a eunuch. My testosterone levels dropped significantly after I removed my left testicle and my castration obsession went away for a long time afterward. Getting castrated was not a choice for me, but in my mind it was a necessity.

On a closing note, let's broach the subject, "What is it that causes a man to want castration? What "force" pushes certain men like us, to want castration? Why is castration reprehensible to most men (at least that's what most men say), but acceptable and desirous to us? In essence, "Why did I need to be castrated? Why couldn't I hang on to my balls? Why did I have to have them removed and or why do you, why are you considering castration?" Does it stem from a lack of not having sex? Are we afraid of sexual relationships and our brain counters by suggesting castration? Is it a higher than average amount of estrogen? Are we "castrates" some how neither male nor female? Is it a Satanic temptation by which the devil gets his jollies because demonic angels are sexless? Is it really a mental illness? Are we depressed and this is how we cope? What is it? I'm just asking. I don't think it's because of "stress" as is perhaps cutting.

Knowing that this is part fetish is what has stopped me from going any further...I have opened my scrotum up and come very close to doing, it but, stopped, since I recognized that the sexual thrill I was getting was not enough of a reason.

It seems that a lot of the younger eunuchs who loose interest after they are castrated, might be acting out an unrecognized or unacknowledged fetish... there are several younger eunuchs who about two or three months after castration, as the T cleared out of their bodies, ceased to be active here , and seem to avoid even the mention or discussion of castration...

Milkman (imported) wrote: Wed Nov 17, 2010 6:43 am Knowing that this is part fetish is what has stopped me from going any further...I have opened my scrotum up and come very close to doing, it but, stopped, since I recognized that the sexual thrill I was getting was not enough of a reason.

It seems that a lot of the younger eunuchs who loose interest after they are castrated, might be acting out an unrecognized or unacknowledged fetish... there are several younger eunuchs who about two or three months after castration, as the T cleared out of their bodies, ceased to be active here , and seem to avoid even the mention or discussion of castration...

That isn't necessarily an indication that they were acting on a fetish, though I don't preclude that possibility. Quite often, once someone has achieved a goal, the subject no longer is an over-riding or overwhelming drive/need. Interest moves to the next thing. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, and happens quite often here. Doesn't mean they're unhappy with the results, though there have been some of those, too.

My desire to have no testicles stems back to being pre pubescent. I loved the smoothness and lack of hair. I admired many of my schoolmates bodies in locker rooms. As we got closer to puberty I hated the changes in attitude and body including odours so much I just constantly daydreamed about the perfect cure. In my mind I was castrating those around me to try to retain the beauty and innocence.

I also was quite hairy and reached puberty midway average (relevant to those around me). I hated the hair as I don't like the way it detracts from the clean smooth skin tones.

Through life I have been obcesed with the idea and have huge orgasms watching it done in videos or just reading the stories.

I have fathered children, semi retired and really am now beginning to seriously plan to have it done.

I am completely adicted to masturbation and don't want to loose that so I would remain on HRT. I have become adicted to the idea of being "balless" smooth.

I think a lot of my sexual "deviation" from the "norm" stems from my early childhood...My mother caught me peeing outside when I was about 5-6 and took me inside her friends house (we were visiting) and laid me on the kitchen table, took out my penis...and with a pair of scissors in her hand threatened to cut it off...The family we were visiting had several little girls and I was humiliated in front of them, too...I can vividly remember it to this day...Later on, in early adolescence, my mother became overtly sexual, although she never actually touched me, I was obsessed sexually with her(she was a very attractive woman, and young, 18 when I was born)...Our home life was awful...dad was an alky and divorce was always on the horizon...No wonder I am who I am...Actually, I turned out better than I would have suspected...

But I suspect that the dislike of my testes and penis and cross-dressing may have come from something back there...Any other stories?

dragonfly

I dunno....I grew up in a completely good, non-screwed-up family environment and I still ended up this way. I think that people want too much to find a specific concrete cause for everything, since "stuff happens" violates common sense.

Myself, I've been a lot less active here since I mostly have what I want, to within some minor changes. 95% of what goes on here is mostly the same every day, though there is that 5%. Someone once joked that he should come up with a list for comments at academic seminars since so many comments are the same, and such a thing might be useful here.

e.g. "I think that the thought of getting my balls cut off is hot."

Instead of replying, "That might not be a very good idea because..." you could just say "23."

Interesting point graylayer...I may have turned out as I did with the Cleavers for a mom and dad...But..I doubt it..and..it is what it is...So deal with it...

dragonfly