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Trans relationships
Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:50 am
by KimiRhoze (imported)
I was in the shower and had an odd thought. For those that date/marry individuals that are MtF or FtM, I was curious if these people are gay/lesbian that want to be with a member of the same sex, but don't want to "Come out of the closet" so they knowingly chose a relationship with a trans individual to give an appearance of a "normal" relationship. Just an odd thought
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 11:37 am
by chemcast scot (imported)
I would say that if they have gone fro mtf and are now with a man they are not gay as they are now with the some one of a differant sex and they no doubt will be having vaginal sex so that would not be gay sex and the same for ftm only if they were to be with someone who is now the same sex that they are now then that would make them gay thats how i would see it anyway
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 6:27 pm
by twaddler (imported)
Love is love; to heck with the labels.
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 11:27 pm
by smoothie (imported)
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 1:03 am
by KimiRhoze (imported)
I was more curious about the people that seek relationships w/ trans people. And yeah I do agree to heck w/ the labels
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 1:39 am
by punkypink (imported)
people who actively seek?
well that's a fetish. a guy who wants a trans woman is still straight, with a fetish for trans people on the side.
someone who dates a trans person but doesnt actively seek one, more a matter of "don't mind"? that's just someone who understands the concept of not judging books by the cover.
a lesbian dating a trans woman? someone who understands what gender and genuine lesbianism is about.
In fact in the current gay community, dating a trans person would get you a LOT of crap, so no, I doubt a gay person in the closet who is also likely to be phobic as most closeted gay people are likely to be, will even entertain the idea of dating a trans person. You can't give the appearance of a normal relationship when you date a trans person. I should know. My ex-gf got a lot of crap from the lesbian community when she was dating me.
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:25 pm
by tr_80504 (imported)
punkypink (imported) wrote: Sat Oct 30, 2010 1:39 am
My ex-gf got a lot of crap from the lesbian community when she was dating me.
In my opinion that doesn't speak very well of that portion of the lesbian community, for giving one of their "own" so to speak a lot of crap . Guess that some of them need to step back and take a long hard look at them selves and there ideas.
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:02 pm
by Danya (imported)
I have direct experience with this, in dating my boyfriend 'X.' Before I say much about that, I want to note that I have read a number of articles on this subject. I've also seen it covered in a few books.
A man who seeks out a male-to-female woman to date may be bisexual. Another sort of man may unknowingly date a trans woman. After growing fond of her, and subsequently finding out her trans status, he may decide it does not matter at all. Whether she is per-op, non-op or whatever. This does not mean he is in fact gay. Instead, he is wise enough to realize he loves this person who is truly a woman. Whatever her plumbing is.
I agree, labels can be limiting and destructive. I fervently hope that a time will come when everyone can simply be. And no one will even think of labeling them. My fear is that we are living in a time when not only are we making little progress toward that happy time. Instead, we may be regressing.
As far as 'X' goes, he has a reputation as a tranny chaser. After knowing him for nearly 6 months, I have several problems with this. First, I in no way view myself as a 'tranny.' Furthermore, I think the 'tranny chaser' label for 'X' is not only inaccurate but unfair. Just as for all of us labeled GLBTIEAetc folks, this need to put people into groups can hurt us. We are also limiting ourselves when we choose or feel the need to do the same with others.
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 1:46 am
by punkypink (imported)
i think, that the usage of terms like tranny is not a good one because it identifies a trans individual as primarily being trans.
I personally am ok with the use of trans as an adjective. I use it like i would use any other adjective such as "tall/short" "white/black/asian", in that, it describes, but does not form the primary identity of a person.
So yes I agree its unfair to label X as a tranny chaser, but the injustice there is on trans people, not on X. I'd say, X is a trans chaser, just like we could describe someone as having a fetish for asians, or for height.
End of the day, a trans woman, a chinese woman, a tall woman, they're all women.
TR 80504: to be fair, i still ge
It is my personal experience that the gay community can often be even more transphobic than your normal straight folks.
Re: Trans relationships
Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 5:05 am
by butterflyjack (imported)
Danya (imported) wrote: Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:02 pm
I have direct experience with this, in dating my boyfriend 'X.' Before I say much about that, I want to note that I have read a number of articles on this subject. I've also seen it covered in a few books.
A man who seeks out a male-to-female woman to date may be bisexual. Another sort of man may unknowingly date a trans woman. After growing fond of her, and subsequently finding out her trans status, he may decide it does not matter at all. Whether she is per-op, non-op or whatever. This does not mean he is in fact gay. Instead, he is wise enough to realize he loves this person who is truly a woman. Whatever her plumbing is.
I agree, labels can be limiting and destructive. I fervently hope that a time will come when everyone can simply be. And no one will even think of labeling them. My fear is that we are living in a time when not only are we making little progress toward that happy time. Instead, we may be regressing.
As far as 'X' goes, he has a reputation as a tranny chaser. After knowing him for nearly 6 months, I have several problems with this. First, I in no way view myself as a 'tranny.' Furthermore, I think the 'tranny chaser' label for 'X' is not only inaccurate but unfair. Just as for all of us labeled GLBTIEAetc folks, this need to put people into groups can hurt us. We are also limiting ourselves when we choose or feel the need to do the same with others.
It's great to hear from you, Danya...Wise words, as usual...smooches dragonfly