Taking the Plunge.....Again

[plix (imported)]

After nearly three years on TRT, I have decided to quit. This is something I have been considering for some time, and I have numerous reasons behind it. One of them is I realized that I have been surgically castrated for five years, but I have never lived the life of a eunuch. For pretty much the entire duration I have been on hormones. I think it's about time I try out being a eunuch. Over the years people have said that castration was not right for me. How do they know that? How do I know that? The only thing that is certain is I will never know if I don't give it a shot.

I stopped using Androgel on September 13, 2010. My goal is to go one year with no sex hormones of either kind. So on September 13, 2011, it will be time to evaluate my goal. The first step will be to see if I actually accomplished the goal, and if I did, I will need to determine how I feel about it.

According to the Androgel prescribing information, upon discontinuation of Androgel, T levels remain within the normal range for 48 hours and return to pre-treatment levels on the fifth day after the last application. If that is correct, my levels should already be below normal and should return to eunuch range tomorrow.

Items of Concern:

1. Weight Gain: Obviously I will no longer be able to eat whatever I want. Even if I did put the effort into eating right and getting plenty of exercise, I will probably still gain some weight.

2. Diabetes: I believe there is enough evidence to suggest that T plays a role in protecting against diabetes. Does that mean lack of T causes diabetes? Not necessarily, as lack of protection does not mean the event protected against will absolutely occur. But the medication I take for anxiety is suspected to possibly contribute to diabetes, and that may not be a good combination with the lack of T. I will want to monitor my glucose levels.

3. Osteoporosis: This is not a big worry for me (and believe me, that's a good thing - not may things out there are not big worries for me), but I suppose it is something I should be concerned about. Being a big believer in keeping things natural, I will try to get my calcium from foods. That should not be hard to do. A baseline bone density scan would be nice, but I have been down this road before - insurance will probably not cover one for an individual who is not a post-menopausal woman.

4. Looking Younger: This reason alone is almost enough to keep me on T. The older among us would love to look younger, but when you are young, you tend to want to look your age. I do not expect to look as young as I did when on E, but I will probably look younger than I do now. I will just have to try to accept that even if I don't now, someday I will probably appreciate it.

What I am Hopeful For:

1. Decreased Libido: This is one of the reasons I was brought to the table (excuse the pun) five years ago. For the first couple of years on TRT, I complained relentlessly about libido not coming back. But now it is, and I have my reasons for wanting it gone again. The interesting thing is back then I did not remember what it was like to have a libido. Now I don't remember what it was like not to have one.

2. Reversal of MPB: I have an area of significantly thinning hair at the vertex. However, it is not completely bald. Is it too late for the hair to thicken up? We'll find out. At worst, I don't anticipate further hair loss. And believe me, MPB is not a reason I am going off T, though stopping it will certainly be a welcome bonus.

3. Decreased Shaving: I absolutely hate to shave. Obviously the facial hair is not going to disappear, but it would be nice to not shave as often.

4. Reduced Body Hair: Over the last few years I have become, to put it nicely, quite hairy. Chest, abdomen, back, shoulders, arms, neck - it's everywhere. With that much hair I probably cannot expect total elimination, but a reduction would be appreciated.

5. Happiness or at least Acceptance: I hope to at least come to accept my status as a eunuch. Becoming happy with it would be even better.

Don't worry. It has been well established that I am not a woman, and I have no plans to go on E. This is merely a quest to accept what I have done to myself and possibly learn to enjoy it.

[tugon (imported)]

I have to say this is the second time you have surprised me. The first time should not have been a surprise but this time, surprise! As a no T eunuch and loving it I am not sure if it is right for you. I worry about depression for you.

I think we will talk before I say much more. You can imagine some of what I am thinking and what I wished for you in life. I hope stopping T is not an easy way out from what might truly make you happy. Reducing needs reduces the risks trying to get the needs satisfied. I am running off at the fingers so I will stop. Talk to you tomorrow.

[bobbie (imported)]

I think I know you some. You have gone through many experiments playing around with several hormones over the years. You know the effects and side effects from your post. You have also meet members from the site in person. Think about how many of us are not taking any hormones? Now think about how many take some level of testosterone. Taking some level was most of the people you know. They all take the hormones because of the side effects. The effects that was effecting their life's enough to want to change it again.

Taking your change to the eunuch level will just not work for you. You have been their before. You did not like the effects. You like most need to have some hormones in your life. Go on a low level of testosterone. I do not know but would think in the 100-200mg level may work well.

Making radical changes is just hard on the body. Remember some of the body changes may not happen to a great degree. If you are very hairy with T then you will still have good amount of hair withouy T. You mentioned some of the health benefits. But there are some health down falls. I have meet many eunuch's over the years. Very good number of them had some degree of osteoporosis. Yes the wreaking if the bone that is very common with older women. At your age you have a life chance of getting it. You would need to drink about 3 1/2 8 oz glasses of milk a day to get around 1000mg calcium a day. (Note I got osteoporosis just after 2+ years on androcur. Yes I was taking more then 1000mg a day and still got it. Was on prescription to help reverse the bone loss.)

[Milkman (imported)]

Have you read the literature on HGH, and it's benefits in low testosterone men? I know one eunuch who has done very well without T by using it

[graylayer02 (imported)]

Dude, I know you. You were a wreck when totally without T. With me I'm happiest with a low dose (like a half dose a day instead of a full one). Maybe a gradual reduction to zero dosing would work, but I'm worried you'll crash badly.

[twaddler (imported)]

Weight gain may not be a certainty. For me, I only can gain weight when I take an estrogen. Without hormone replacement I can eat to any excess and not gain weight; with it I my base weight seems to jump up 20lbs.

[plix (imported)]

Have you read the literature on HGH, and it's benefits in low testosterone men? I know one eunuch who has done very well without T by using it

I have heard about HGH, but I imagine the chances of find

ing a doctor who is willing to prescribe it are slim.

Weight gain may not be a certainty. For me, I only can gain weight when I take an estrogen. Without hormone replacement I can eat to any excess and not gain w

eight; with it I my base weight seems to jump up 20lbs.

During my previous tries to go without T, I went from 120 to 160. Forty pounds may seem like a lot, but when you consider I was at 120 before that, it doesn't seem so bad. You could tell I had put on a little weight, but I still did not look bad. I am now back to 145. I have not altered my eating habits significantly since my castration, other than I eat more than I did when living in the dorms in college.

[plix (imported)]

I'll admit I have changed my mind a few too many times since my surgery, but this last stretch was about three years - for me that is incredible. Also, I do want to point out a couple of significant differences between the past and now.

1. I was on E.

2. I was trying to be someone I am not (a woman).

I tend to view my current plan as different from anything I have done before because of those reasons. In some ways, my new experiences could be worse, as E was likely shielding me from many of the effects of castration. But since this time around I will not try to be that person I know I am not, I remain hopeful that the details will go well this time.

I really do not remember what it is like to be without T, and I will admit I am scared. Will I be able to handle life without hormones? I hope so, but if not, I always have the option of resuming T therapy. In any case, m

y goal is to go one year with no

hormones before making any decisions. My previous record is about three months, and while that starts to give an idea of what life as a eunuch is like, I don't consider it long enough to get a solid understanding.

As of right now, I am experiencing minimal effects. It has been six days since my last T application, and these things take time. So far I have noticed the near disappearance of spontaneous erections and some decrease in nocturnal erections (but it is still respectably hard in the morning). Erections are still easy to stimulate, and libido is still alive and well. I will be watching for total loss of morning wood and tenderness of nipples. Once those happen, I will consider the effects truly underway. I do not seem to get hot flashes or susceptibility to changes in energy, so I am not terribly concerned about those. I have had some trouble sleeping these last few nights, but that could be due to just about anything.

I am trying to recall my original motivations for going back on T. I know I discovered I am not a woman, but was there anything else? I should have started this blog years ago

I do appreciate the concern. It is nice to know that there are people here for me in case things do turn out poorly

[binky69 (imported)]

I certainly wish you all the best and hope that things go well for you without HRT. I, too, did the same thing and managed to go without any T for 8 months. Like anything, there are pros and cons. Give yourself about 3-4 weeks and the inevitable hot flashes will appear. At least you're doing this over the fall/winter so maybe it won't be so bad. I did it over the summer and heat, humidity, and hot flashes do not add up to a good experience. Having a hot flash outside in 95 deg heat was awful.

As for the weight gain, that's enough of an issue, but more importantly for me was not the how much, but the where. You can expect changes in your body shape with the fat moving down to your butt and hips. Over time you'll find your pants fitting differently (or not fitting at all) and for me that was a big problem. And although I thought the idea of having no libido would be something desirable, once it happened it really felt strange.

Although I still shaved almost every day, my beard certainly became much softer and easier to shave. I didn't notice too much of a change in body hair (that probably takes much longer) but it did seem to lighten a bit and become softer as well. No T also seemed to wreck havoc on my sleep patterns. I started waking up in the middle of the night unable to fall asleep again. For me, however, the worst part was the joint pain. Every morning I woke up feeling as though I'd been hit by a bus. Pretty much sore all over. So that was the final straw for me. Amazingly enough, it only took a couple of days on androgel and the soreness totally disappeared.

Of course only you can decide what is right for yourself. Each guy is different, but I think it's really important to know what you may experience so you can be prepared. Best of luck to you!

[tugon (imported)]

I hope this goes well for you. I am comforted by the fact that you will still have T on hand if needed. I am glad you will be keeping this blog.