This thread conjures up some old memories for me. I apologize in advance for the incredibly long post here, I just have a lot to say and I am really not a good writer, so I am a wordy writer.
I would like to direct your attention to a television program I saw a few years back, I am sorry to say that I cannot remember the name of the program, so maybe it is pointless to "direct your attention" to something I cannot precisely recall. I HOPE that someone reading this will be able to recall it or retrieve it from a google search or something.
(Post script here: Sorry, maybe I should have done a little research myself... before I wrote this screed.... I'll just shuffle off here... uhhh... hmmm.... )
http://adoption.about.com/od/adoptionri ... ncases.htm
http://articles.latimes.com/1997-02-21/ ... id-polreis
The television program was about an adopted Russian boy (his adopted name was "David"), maybe three or four years old who was alleged to have killed himself by hitting his penis with his own fist, hit it so hard that he died from medical shock that night. But it seemed equally possible that his adoptive mother beat him to death, and that she made up this story of the boy hitting his own penis. She was charged for it, and convicted of manslaughter I think, she was sentenced to 8-10 years I think... DAMN! I should have recorded that damn TV program.
Maybe it was an episode of "Snapped" on Lifetime TV, they highlight the high profile cases of women who have "snapped" mentally and been convicted of serious crimes. Maybe it was "American Justice" or some other show like that, I cannot remember the particulars, I just remember that the program showed extremely compelling bits of evidence on both sides...
It seemed at first that it was a very clear case of horrible child abuse, that the adoptive mother was a sick psycho, and that she killed this poor little boy who had some behavioral problems, and she killed him in a very cruel and brutal way...
Then, they showed the Russian orphanage where the little boy was from. It was a dreadful place, infants left unattended for hours, cold, drab place with no colors, not any visual or auditory stimulation for their developing minds. This sort of apathetic neglect of a developing baby has been linked to very severe mental disorders as the child develops. There was even a child psychologist who had testified on behalf of the defense of the adoptive mother, and it turns out he had testified several other times in cases involving Russian children from this very same orphanage. Many of these Russian orphans who had been subjected to this neglect were plagued with very severe behavior problems. David's case was the most severe and "high profile," but similar bizarre behavior seemed common in these Russian orphans from this particular orphanage.
In the end, I just could not decide myself. Was the adopting mother a sick murderer? Sure seemed that way at first.... But the boy "David" had on several previous occasions hit himself in the genitals, and many of the other orphans from that horrid place had also had many very severe problems like this.
Now, to answer your two questions...
1. My own experience, I do not really feel comfortable speaking of it, but here goes. My earliest memories of becoming aware of my sex, when I was about three or four, are of total revulsion I felt looking at my own penis, I really hated it! It looked to me to be a very ugly thing and I did not like it on my body. I seriously wanted to be a girl then, I wanted NOT to have that ugly/stupid looking thing popping out of my body, I liked the smooth look that girls had and wanted that look myself. I would sneak into the bathroom while the rest of the family was watching TV, and get the box of Band-Aids, and try try try to tape that ugly thing down, I seriously though I might be able to become a girl if I could just get that ugly thing taped down... Well, after about a week of this, mother noticed that we were going through Band-Aids at a startling rate, she knew I was using them but not where I was using them, and I did not tell her. She just put the Band-Aid box out of my reach and said if I needed a Band-Aid, I would have to ask her in the future.
Eventually, that disgust I felt about my penis seemed to subside a bit. I eventually understood that it would take a lot more than taping it down to be rid of the ugly thing.
It seemed so dreadfully late on in my life when I FINALLY got to read some of the things that are characteristic of transgenderism. I only began to understood my childhood behavior when I read some of Dr. Harry Benjamin's work, on the internet. I think I must have been 38-40 years old at the time, when I saw that my childhood disgust with my genitals was a classic sign of transgenderism... and then a LOT of other things became very clear to me about myself, like why during my childhood I preferred to sit to pee in spite of my older brothers' teasing me about it, like why to this day I HATE most spectator sports...(etc. etc. etc.) DUH! Took me long enough to figure that one out!
I know, my "Band-Aid" and taping efforts are not self harm and genital mutilation, but I came damn close several times and would have if not for the pain. IF I observed genital mutilation or harm in any other child (boy or girl), I would strongly suspect that there was a transgender influence causing the behavior, though that is not the only cause I would consider.
OK, I think I have written more than enough in response to the first question.
2. What would I
Paolo wrote: Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:55 pm
do with a boy who harms his own genitals...?
Above all else, I would NOT do anything extreme, I would try to speak to the boy on the highest possible intellectual level, "talk to him like he were an adult" or at the very least let the boy know that I respected his right to have his feelings.
Most destructive behavior (i.e. "harming") is an outward manifestation of fear and or hate, and I would try to find out what it was that the boy feared or hated.
He MIGHT hate his male sexuality, but this self harming behavior could very well be caused by a bullying incident, the boy may be expressing his hatred of the bully by placing that hate on his own weakness and impotence in how he may have dealt with the bully, he may hate a teacher or have some other conflict in his life, that is causing the outward display of hatred of his own body and genitals. So, the key here is to find out what exactly it is that the boy hates or fears.
Once I knew, and the boy himself understood what it was that he hated or feared, we could address that thing. But I would make every effort to let the boy know that his feelings were valid, not perverted or wrong, that he was entitled to his feelings, but that the outward behavior of self harming (A CLEARLY SEPARATE THING) would need to change.
IF, the thing hated was the boy's sexuality, his masculinity, then I would discuss the transgender options, and let him (or more accurately her) know that there are much safer and better ways down that path.
If the hatred was from something else, and I really emphasize that self harm to genitals is not caused exclusively by transgenderism, then we would address that issue as appropriate.
