continuing my journey...

[Sad Lizard (imported)]

So, it's been a while since I last wrote here.

For a while I had this glimpse of hope: I had gathered enough courage to think about getting physically castrated. But then I found out that if you are not strictly transsexual (I'm what you could call a person who doesn't have a gender at all), it's almost impossible to get surgical operations done to you. So, now I'm back where I started.

Actually no, I'm even worse than that: I may not be able to even get the doctors prescribe me anti-androgenic drugs. So that means I get nothing at all. And to think how willing the doctors are to perform surgical operations that are supposed to expand your malehood or femalehood (the penis enlargement surgeries and the breast enlargement surgeries, ugh! I think I'm starting to loathe doctors) and still not willing to operate on those who feel they really need their testes removed... that makes me sad and frustrated.

Well, so, first I'm gonna get my doctor to send me to transdiagnosis tests so that they will confirm that I indeed am transgender, then I hope that it would somehow help me.

But, suppose I am not allowed to either be castrated or chemically castrated, then what do I do? I don't have much money, so ordering medicine through online pharmacies is not an option at this point of my life. But is there any other way. I've heard of injecting testes with alcohol and some other things, but I don't know if I can do it alone and I know no one who is willing to help me. So am I completely out of luck here? Are there any low-pain-high-success-rate-methods for trying to castrate one self? Or are there some low-cost online pharmacies that would be willing to help me? And can Depo Provera be ordered through an online pharmacy? And if it can, where can I find someone willing to inject me or do I just have to learn to do it myself? And how do I learn to inject myself with DP?

Alot of questions from a frustrated and disappointed person, but I do hope someone would be willing to answer some of these questions.

[bobbie (imported)]

Welcome back

Have you tried to get help in Denmark? Think they were more willing to do sex change then most western countries. May be more open to castration of choice.

There are many threads about testicle injections. They list all the possible risks. The risk can be very high if something goes wrong.

This site may sell to you.

http://www.inhousedrugstore-europe.com/ ... era-t.html

[Sad Lizard (imported)]

Welcome back

Have you tried to get help in Denmark? Think they were more willing to do sex change then most western countries. May be more open to castration of choice.

There are many threads about testicle injections. They list all the possible risks. The risk can be very high if something goes wrong.

This site may sell to you.

http://www.inhousedrugstore-europe.com/ ... era-t.html

Thank you Bobbie for the link. It seems like relatively cheap after all to buy the DP from inhousedrugstore. But how often would I need to inject the 150mg shot - and also, how would I learn to inject it (I've never injected anything in my whole life, so I really am at loss here? Should I ask my doctor about it (say, I could tell her something like "let's assume a hypothetical situation where I would get Depo Provera through other sources than finnish hospital..." and so on)?

Yeah, I know, I'm really uneducated about all this. I just don't know much about it at all.

[Fletch50 (imported)]

Hi,

My doctor here in the UK (a transgender specialist) has accepted M2E as a transgender issue and has informed me of 2 surgeons who he beleives may carry out the castration procedure (albeit very expensive).

My point though is that slowly but surely nongendered is becoming an accepted gender. As you may already know there are posts on this archive suggesting that M2E will be recognised as a transgender issue by medical professionals later this year (if memory serves me right). The upshot of this is that if this does come about more and more medical professionals will look more favourably on M2E choices. So dont give up and make sure you take any drugs responsibly and make sure bloods are monitored.

Fletch

[ramses (imported)]

Self injecting DP is very easy and many here including myself have done it. Just order it and there are many people here that can walk you through it. If you don't want to become more feminine you will want to add some sort of anti-oestrogen to your regimine which can also give you some protection from osteoporosis as well as killing your libido even more.

It sounds like several people here have had success with injecting high proof drinking alcohol into their testicles to kill them (rubbing alcohol will maim or kill you though, very poisionous) but it will take about 10 different injections. IF you go that route, please read all the safety precautions here to lessen the likelyhood of ending up in the emergency room from pain or infection.

Also, make sure you can live without testosterone before you do anything permanent. If you can't afford anti-androgens then you probably can't afford to buy T if you find that you can't live without it.

Good luck with your quest and keep us posted!

[Paolo]

Ramses makes a good reminder - if you're going to inject alcohol, you want the DRINKABLE kind like they serve in a bar or the liquor store.

Rubbing alcohol is NOT for internal use! As stated, it can and will maim or kill you.

[bobbie (imported)]

You are looking at a permanent none reversal choice with alcohol. You can not undo what you do with alcohol. No second chance. Keep in mind that a good number of people just can not handle the loss of testosterone. The effects are far different then they though they will be. You can not really compare there experience with every thing you will get. It effects each person a little different. You will experience depression to some degree. The depression can be far worse if you find the the castration choice was a mistake.

Do not think you have even mentioned your reason of wanting castration. That needs to be explored far more. All too often castration is really just a fantasy. Very high percentage of people in the site are only in here for the fantasy or fetish. Good number can not separate it from fact and fiction. The only true way to decide if is truly a desire and not a fantasy is chemical castration for at least a half of year.

[Sad Lizard (imported)]

You are looking at a permanent none reversal choice with alcohol. You can not undo what you do with alcohol. No second chance. Keep in mind that a good number of people just can not handle the loss of testosterone. The effects are far different then they though they will be. You can not really compare there experience with every thing you will get. It effects each person a little different. You will experience depression to some degree. The depression can be far worse if you find the the castration choice was a mistake.

Do not think you have even mentioned your reason of wanting castration. That needs to be explored far more. All too often castration is really just a fantasy. Very high percentage of people in the site are only in here for the fantasy or fetish. Good number can not separate it from fact and fiction. The only true way to decide if is truly a desire and not a fantasy is chemical castration for at least a half of year.

First, thank you all for your answers.

Second, I do not think I would ever dare try injecting my testicles with alcohol on my own. The risks are just too high and I don't have faith in myself to do it properly.

But having considered everything you said, I do think I'm gonna try to manage with chemical castration.

And bobbie, yeah, I actually realized that I haven't talked much about my reasons. So I can assure you it is not because of any fantasy or a fetish. I hate cutting, I hate the thought of injuring myself physically, and I actually am very frightened of physical pain. So I'm not doing it for anything like that.

I actually feel I am not a man nor a woman - and the only two things that make me virtually a male are my testicles and my hormones. So it's either one of those, or hopefully both, that I would need to get rid of to feel the most comfortable. I believe I will be much more stable and also happier if I get rid of those disturbing factors.

Well, that's about that... Oh yes, about anti-estrogen. That's actually new to me. I didn't realize I might need or want that too. But yeah, the less hormones, the better - whether it be T or Estro. So, are there any online pharmacies in europe that would be relatively cheap, reliable and also provide both DP and anti-estro?

Thank you in advance

EDIT:

Oh, and, yeah, I'll have to see how my body reacts to the loss of hormones. I am pretty confident that I can manage depression. I've done that previously (I've had some mental health problems), so I am very confident in myself at the moment.

[bobbie (imported)]

I wish I had a dollar every time I heard someone say that they fully understand the full effects of castration. I would be so rich. I have heard so many say that 'they can handle depression'. 'I done it before and can do it again.' I think somewhere between a third and half of all eunuch's end up one some HRT. Could be either testosterone or estrogen. The physical and mental changes were more then they wanted to live with. C

hemical castration for at least

6 months should always be considered.

I am not picking on you. You are so much like so many I know and have meet. Just want to help you understand the results of a wrong choice. Castration changes your life forever.

[Sad Lizard (imported)]

I wish I had a dollar every time I heard someone say that they fully understand the full effects of castration. I would be so rich. I have heard so many say that 'they can handle depression'. 'I done it before and can do it again.' I think somewhere between a third and half of all eunuch's end up one some HRT. Could be either testosterone or estrogen. The physical and mental changes were more then they wanted to live with. C

[quote="bobbie (imported)" time

=1267225680]
hemical castration for at least

6 months should always be considered.

I am not picking on you. You are so much like so many I know and have meet. Just want to help you understand the results of
[/quote]
a wrong choice. Castration changes your life forever.

I can understand your concerns and I've taken them into account along with everyone elses opinions. It seems like the safest option is to first go with chemical castration, and see how that affects me.

I do hope everything goes as well as I think it'll go. I certainly don't expect it to be easy either. But I've started to prepare for it. I strongly believe that exercise is the best possible way to fight depression and I've really started to increase the amount of exercising: every day I do about a half hour yoga session. Then I do a mixed cardio/muscle training for three or four times a week for something like half hour to one hour. Then I try to do some rigorous HIIT training about once or twice a week. And also on tuesdays and thursdays I usually go to a Tai Chi class. So I'm getting prepared for what ever might come.

But in the end, if I don't even try and see how it's like - if I just give up right now - I'll never know if my life would have been much more stable and happier in the end. So, I'm anxious to try it. Although I don't believe I can start yet: first of all, I don't want to start before my transgenderdiagnosis, because they will test my hormone levels during that and I want to give them the right impression. And secondly, I am a bit overweight and I've heard that when the T levels drop, it's gonna be even more difficult to stay in shape. So I want to get to the proper shape and have a proper exercise routine before I start using the drugs - then it will be a lot easier to keep me in shape.

At least that's the pretty picture I have in my mind of how things will go. Yeah, I might be in for a horrible surprise, but I'm willing to try it.