So where to start?

I am a 23 year old male with all the genetically given and fully functional equipment of a male. After having spent the last three years trying to figure out who I am in terms of my gender (whether I am TS/TG or not), I have come to the conclusion that I am male. But, and it's a big but, does this mean I need all the "proper" equipment?

Taking this to be a place of non-judgement, I will share some rather personal things with you all. I 'experimented' with wearing women's underwear and found it to be highly enjoyable, not solely in the sexual sense but in the 'it feels right to wear it' sense as well. That said, due to my 'package' this is not always comfortable. I will say this right of the bat, I am not considering the removal of my parts based only on the type of underwear I like to wear. After having researched SRS (sex reassignment surgery) and after looking at various sources of castration after shots, I found the 'smooth look' to be very attractive for myself. This is where I am at right now, and seem to be stuck here as well .

I have taken into consideration both the options of leaving my parts as is and having them removed. If I were to have them removed I would already have some sperm banked as I do plan on having children in the future. I have also taken into consideration the fact that when I marry a women it would mean that my only source of penetration would be with sex toys. I am comfortable with all of this so far.

Sexually I am in a dead zone. I have never had penetrative sex with anyone, so I don't know how badly I would miss it. I have given oral/manual stimulation to several girls and overall I feel I get my satisfaction when I get her to the place she wants to be. I have done some assplay with myself and found it somewhat enjoyable, (I am mostly submissive though I can't say I'd want to live as a sub forever). I feel I masturbate way too much, it used to be only a few times a week though now it's up to a minimum of twice daily.

My dilema seems to be where I go from here. Do I try out chemical castration (i.e anti-androgens) for a length of time to fully ascertain my true desires? Do I need to get my T levels checked by my doctor to get a baseline and see if I have above average levels? Is it common to have the scrotum removed after an orchiectomy, in the same or in different procedures? If I were to have this done, would I have to take Testosterone or can one live without it or E? How much strength is typically lost with the total loss of Testosterone? At what point do you disclose to a partner that you are lacking certain parts down there?

If I lived in a perfect world here is what I'd be.

1. A male who has only the tip of a penis (>1inch), no scrotum, thus is completely smooth in the groin area.

2 I would be of average male strength ( I work in the Executive Protection industry, so this is kind of a necc.).

chrisjames1122 (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:53 pm So where to start?

I am a 23 year old male with all the genetically given and fully functional equipment of a male. After having spent the last three years trying to figure out who I am in terms of my gender (whether I am TS/TG or not), I have come to the conclusion that I am male. But, and it's a big but, does this mean I need all the "proper" equipment?

Chrisjames,

Good question; let me see if I can help you find an answer...

First, what caused you to start questioning your gender identity? For a lot of TG individuals, they *grew up* feeling that they were in the 'wrong body'; it started at a *very* young age.

What feels 'normal' for you? If you identify as male and you're in a male body, it wouldn't appear that you're gender-dysphoric in the TG sense.

chrisjames1122 (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:53 pm Taking this to be a place of non-judgement, I will share some rather personal things with you all. I 'experimented' with wearing women's underwear and found it to be highly enjoyable, not solely in the sexual sense but in the 'it feels right to wear it' sense as well. That said, due to my 'package' this is not always comfortable. I will say this right of the bat, I am not considering the removal of my parts based only on the type of underwear I like to wear. After having researched SRS (sex reassignment surgery) and after looking at various sources of castration after shots, I found the 'smooth look' to be very attractive for myself. This is where I am at right now, and seem to be stuck here as well .

You say you like wearing women's underwear; would you consider yourself to be a transvestite at all?

Next, when you say you find the 'smooth look' attractive, is that in an *aesthetic* sense, or is it a matter of, "This is what I *should* be"? Do you feel like your penis and testicles *shouldn't* be there?

chrisjames1122 (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:53 pm I have taken into consideration both the options of leaving my parts as is and having them removed. If I were to have them removed I would already have some sperm banked as I do plan on having children in the future. I have also taken into consideration the fact that when I marry a women it would mean that my only source of penetration would be with sex toys. I am comfortable with all of this so far.

Would a woman be comfortable with it, though? This is something that'll have a *profound* impact on any relationship you would ever have with a woman, so you'd have to keep that firmly in mind.

chrisjames1122 (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:53 pm Sexually I am in a dead zone. I have never had penetrative sex with anyone, so I don't know how badly I would miss it. I have given oral/manual stimulation to several girls and overall I feel I get my satisfaction when I get her to the place she wants to be. I have done some assplay with myself and found it somewhat enjoyable, (I am mostly submissive though I can't say I'd want to live as a sub forever). I feel I masturbate way too much, it used to be only a few times a week though now it's up to a minimum of twice daily.

If I may ask, why haven't you ever had penetrative sex? Have the women you've given pleasure to wanted to be penetrated as well?

Also, how much sexual desire do you have? You indicate that you're ok just giving women oral pleasure; have you *wanted* to have regular intercourse with these women?

Why do you feel that you're masturbating too much? Twice daily *is* quite frequent, mind you, although by no means excessive. Is there a reason your frequency has increased lately? Also, what inspires these masturbatory urges? Is there something that you fantasize about when you masturbate? And does it feel 'right' for you when you manipulate your penis?

chrisjames1122 (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:53 pm My dilema seems to be where I go from here. Do I try out chemical castration (i.e anti-androgens) for a length of time to fully ascertain my true desires? Do I need to get my T levels checked by my doctor to get a baseline and see if I have above average levels? Is it common to have the scrotum removed after an orchiectomy, in the same or in different procedures? If I were to have this done, would I have to take Testosterone or can one live without it or E? How much strength is typically lost with the total loss of Testosterone? At what point do you disclose to a partner that you are lacking certain parts down there?

I guess you'd say, "I need to tell you something...".

One thing that comes to mind is whether you might identify as *asexual*; you seem to prefer women, but at the same time, you've never consummated a sexual union.

It wouldn't hurt to have your T levels checked; that *could* have something to do with your condition, although there's probably more to it than that.

Generally, with loss of the testicles, and the loss of testosterone as a result, muscle mass is lost, along with strength. HRT can prevent that, although it's possible to have side effects, as well.

Having the scrotum removed as part of an orchiectomy is optional. Men who've been castrated because of medical conditions - prostate cancer, for example - will often choose to have cosmetic artificial testicles.

chrisjames1122 (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:53 pm If I lived in a perfect world here is what I'd be.

1. A male who has only the tip of a penis (>1inch), no scrotum, thus is completely smooth in the groin area.

2 I would be of average male strength ( I work in the Executive Protection industry, so this is kind of a necc.).

How long/large is your penis now? It *could* be surgically reduced, if that's what you want.

If you have a profession where you need strength, then you'd either want to keep your testicles or have HRT.

Hope that helps! Let me know, ok?

-YPA

I started questioning my gender after several diferent things happened. The first was my discovery of my being a submissive feminine male. I found that while I was ok with the notion of being the one to penetrate I realized that being the reciever was much more attractive to me. The second thing was the feeling that I was in the wrong body, though I now feel that I am in the right body but something is still not right with it.

Due several contributing factors (including being more feminine in school and the teasing and the self questioning that it brings, the attraction to being a submissive) I went out and looked into transsexuality. After two years of therapy and alot of introspective thinking

chrisjames1122 (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:53 pm , I have come to the conclusion that

on the gender continuim I am barely on the male side (total female mindset{-----|-*---}total male mindset).

I don't believe myself to be a transvestite as I don't get 'my rocks off' solely on the wearing of women's clothes. When I wear panties and stockings and such I don't feel like I'm wearing 'women's clothing', to me it just feels like what I'm suppoesed to wear. Granted that I am more open to freedom of expression in clothes, I did a college term paper on the subject of feminine freedom of choice and the resulting restrictions put on males.

Concerning the 'smooth look', when I look at myself there I feel sad in seeing an outward bulge. I'm still unsure of whether I am mentally ready for the loss of my 'package', and I don't believe I will be until I try anti-androgens and see if that produces a better outlook.

Dealing with a relationship, I firmly believe that God has a woman out there for me. Does this mean I am in the right 'form' for her? Who knows.

I have never had penetrative sex (me being the giver) as I have made a vow to myself that I would save that for marriage. I compromised in doing the sexual acts that I have and feel remorseful over having taken advantage of the two girls. 'Advantage' meaning that I said what they wanted to hear and did what they wanted solely so I could lose that part of my 'virginity', I am very curious (even to this day) on the female form both mentally and physically.

The two girls never asked to be pentrated as they both felt my uncomfortableness with being the 'agressor'. I would occasionally dream of being the 'uber-male' and ravaging a women as she screams in the throes of sexual ecstasty. But as the opportunities came, I would doubt myself and fear the sense of being the agressor and so I hid the half hearted desire to pentrate and focused on giving her the most pleasure I could.

I feel I masturbate too much as each time I do, I require a new deeper 'kinkier' scenario in order for me to cum. For the most part the only time I can cum, is when I think of myself being penetrated vaginally (thus the TS conundrum), though now anally is the main one. At first the mere thought of being taken by a women by way of a strap-on was enough, over the years it has progressed to where I am unable to even get an erection without thinking of something penetrating me, or without feeling 'girly' by means of clothes or actions (giving oral to the strap-on or providing visual stimulation by way of erotic striping for her). Occasionally I fantasized about being with a male, though this tended to be when I was in therapy and was engrossed with being a trans-woman.

Discounting all the fake statistics on the average male penis size, I feel myself on the small side as I am only in the 4-5.25in range when hard. There have been times when, due to cold temps and such, that my penis has retracted to the point it barely is visible. I feel elated when this happens, though the sight of my hanging balls do ruin the picture.

Thanks for the help.

I'm no expert but it sounds to me like you should explore you gender identity. It sounds very female to me (I'm NOT an expert)

I think many male to female transexuals have an aversion to their male parts and this maybe the part your focused on?? Without prying can I ask? Have you worked with a therapist who deals with GID? I think it would be worth looking into this more. If "sex" to you is penetration for example that seems like a serious desire for transition. Being transexual does not mean you can't also be Lesbian but from what you say that may not even be true.

Think very long and hard about this. Work with some professionals. You might find the whole living in female mode (and using a female mix of hormones) for a year to be an excellent test to see if this what you really need / want.

YOU CAN'T MASTURBATE TOO MUCH?

If you are rubbing it raw you just need more lotion!

My unconscious suspicion is that you have a church background.

OK, it is conscious now. You want children? No penetrative sex but have abused women? You want a smooth groin? but not really?

Hell, try chemical castration for a few weeks, see that it doesn't really take away the desire, Or maybe it will for you. As our old friend Andrew said, "Your mileage may vary."

But if this experimentation doesn't help and you find yourself under religious dogma, become dyslexic and loose the DOG!

Guilt and shame are drilled into young men about sex and masturbation by preachers who are themselves paranoid about there own behaviors.

I'm not advocating masturbating on a downtown corner. Nor am I saying get every girl you see pregnant. THE WORLD HAS TOO MANY PEOPLE ALREADY.

Find somebody to LOVE. When you do that and you think you have enough love to share then consider children.

You wont find love if you don't love yourself first! I'd try getting rid of your guilt and shame before getting rid of your balls.

Woah, george2u2 by no means have I ever abused a woman. I meant only that I felt that I had taken advantage of the two girls by the fact that while I did like them and wanted a relationship, my ulterior motive was to lose that part of my innocence, referencing my complete lack of seeing the female form and being able to please a girl.

And yes I do have a 'church background', I am a proud professing Christian. I am remorseful for the sins I have commited but my God is a forgiving god. I will not bring direct conversations about religion into this forums, though if you care to talk via email or PM I would be more than happy to.

I also don't see where the confusion is on me wanting the 'smooth look'. I do want that, I am as certain as I can be. My doubt lies in knowing and being able to live with the FULL consequences of castration/nullification.

I do agree with you in that I must first love myself before I can truly love another person. I am and probably will be in a time of introspection and ultimately making a decision on exactly who I am and coming to terms with that.

MRt, for the last two years I was with a therapist who specialized in the LGBt community. I felt that I was not a true TS for the following reason:

While it is in my head, I felt that due to my body size (esp. hands and feet) that I wouldn't pass. Yes all TS persons feel this but I considered that and looked into what my size would be and it would make things extremely diffucult.

There are several small things which for me when combined added to my personal confirmation that I was not TS but a male with female tendencies.

Well I probably should shut my yap but... Passing? Is that the test? I don't think so. Take a day and look at all the women you see. How many of them "pass" well. In other words women come in a wide variety. Not many look like supermodels and if your did transition you would be what? Average? A tall girl. Hell I was in love with a girl well over a foot taller then me and later in love with one I could rest my chin on. THATS a very poor reason to not consider transition.

I mean if your "wired" female? Then anything short of that is going to be wrong.

And there's where I'm stuck. Do I have feelings of being female but am truly just a very curious male. If I'm male, do I need all the equipment to be self considered a male?

Probably the only thing that's gonna help me come to a final conclusion as to my situation is more therapy and alot of inward thinking. Just wanted to see what others here think, as this isn't really a thing I can share with all my friends or even most of my close friends.

chrisjames1122 (imported) wrote: Wed Jan 13, 2010 5:35 pm And there's where I'm stuck. Do I have feelings of being female but am truly just a very curious male. If I'm male, do I need all the equipment to be self considered a male?

Probably the only thing that's gonna help me come to a final conclusion as to my situation is more therapy and alot of inward thinking. Just wanted to see what others here think, as this isn't really a thing I can share with all my friends or even most of my close friends.

One of the few things the Internet is good for. You can talk about things like this. I really think that talking to a therapist who does GID would be of value. Trying to figure out if this is real or just a complex fetish for example is so important. As to finding a therapsit - Maybe ask your doctor for a good one. This is also good if you do decide to go in that direction because you will need to work with your doctor on things like hormones etc.

The good thing about the standards of care (ducking) is that the one year of real life is a good test so that you don't make changes that can't be undone.

Yeah I def. like the standards of care. Means even though by nature I'm very hesistant in permanent decisions such as this, I'll be completely sure when the time comes.

Thanks Mr. T.