I was reminded today during all the festivities how a room full of people can fatigue me. After 3+ hours with the gang I felt like I had shoveled snow for 12hours. My roommate, nephew and myself are all introverts so we were all worn out. My nephew had one more large get together to attend at his mother's family. He was going upstairs away from everyone to recharge. Here at the apartment things are very quiet. I am not yet in the mood for music or TV.

I know introverts are in the minority. We are often subjected to a world where extroverts are recharging being around many as we are being drained. I need some coping tips to survive in an extroverted world. I think one thing I can do next year is arrive later and leave earlier. I thought that next year I can request a quiet space I can go to for a break. My glasses of wine seemed to help.

Any fellow introverts who have learned good coping skills for holiday parties please share. Of course only after you have regrouped from all the activities.

tugon (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:34 pm I was reminded today during all the festivities how a room full of people can fatigue me. After 3+ hours with the gang I felt like I had shoveled snow for 12hours. My roommate, nephew and myself are all introverts so we were all worn out. My nephew had one more large get together to attend at his mother's family. He was going upstairs away from everyone to recharge. Here at the apartment things are very quiet. I am not yet in the mood for music or TV.

I know introverts are in the minority. We are often subjected to a world where extroverts are recharging being around many as we are being drained. I need some coping tips to survive in an extroverted world. I think one thing I can do next year is arrive later and leave earlier. I thought that next year I can request a quiet space I can go to for a break. My glasses of wine seemed to help.

Any fellow introverts who have learned good coping skills for holiday parties please share. Of course only after you have regrouped from all the activities.

The answer is become an extrovert like I have. It can be done. Ernie

I have social phobia among the myriad of neuroses told me by inquiring therapists through the years. I usually rented a bunch of movies and spent the holidays alone watching them with great relish. This was all well and good whilst I was single and/or living alone. But during the unbearable fifteen years with three different female partners, I sought the comfort of shooting pool in the basement whilst the revelers upstairs laughed,shouted,fought ad nauseum. Or, I would simply drink the good liquor and find the t.v. room which always had an adult movie somewhere on the list of options. Taking a prolonged "number two" was good for a half hour until the knocks on the door began. Or a good walk outside was a good excuse for some semblance of personal space and quietude.

Ernie of Maine (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2009 7:32 pm

The answer is become an extrovert like I have. It can be done. Ernie

Wow, I disagree but but thanks for the attempt.

A lead lined cap to block empathic chatter will not work.

And with all the stress out there, the emotional chatter is really strong.

The only effective way to turn down the volume of the empathic chatter as makes groups uncomfortable is,

sleepers. (ref. Bab 5. they had it down pretty good)

Ernie naturally does not feel the chatter, or is better disciplined to filter it.

Best as I can explain it.

Moi

calling Mr. Bester.

tugon (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2009 9:04 pm Wow, I disagree but but thanks for the attempt.

That is the best way...you have been programed from birth by your parents and environment, and now that you are older it is up to you to challenge that programing in order to make a better you. You did the best you could with what your parents gave you, and now it is time to challenge the teachings of your parents and improve on who you are.

At your next party find someone that interests you and try to get to know them...ask them what are there interests, likes, dislikes, etc...open a dialog...remember your not trying to woo the whole world then afterwords ask yourself what went right and what went wrong so you can improve on it.

Life is a series of challenges. Each challenge you receive is a chance to improve yourself to some degree or crawl back into the hole let life pass you by! In either case one day you will pass on, and when that happens what type of person would you like to be...now is the time to start working towards that person.

IbPervert (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 27, 2009 12:16 am That is the best way...you have been programed from birth by your parents and environment, and now that you are older it is up to you to challenge that programing in order to make a better you. You did the best you could with what your parents gave you, and now it is time to challenge the teachings of your parents and improve on who you are.

At your next party find someone that interests you and try to get to know them...ask them what are there interests, likes, dislikes, etc...open a dialog...remember your not trying to woo the whole world then afterwords ask yourself what went right and what went wrong so you can improve on it.

Life is a series of challenges. Each challenge you receive is a chance to improve yourself to some degree or crawl back into the hole let life pass you by! In either case one day you will pass on, and when that happens what type of person would you like to be...now is the time to start working towards that person.

These are certainly statements of faith or one who is genetically programmed for sociability,

http://science.howstuffworks.com/geneti ... /twin1.htm

or maybe a disciplined or non empath.

Moi

victim of my genes, still my parent's fault

"Inside this Article

1. Introduction to How Twins Work

2. The Other Minnesota Twins

3. Baby Making 101

4. It's Like Looking in a Mirror

5. Shared Lives

6. Other Types of Twinning

7. See more »

7. Make Mine a Double

8. Secret Language

9. Shared Thoughts

10. Lots More Information

11. See all Genetic Science articles

The Other Minnesota Twins

Marshall Brain’s identical twin sons at birth

You take it for granted that you are a totally unique person, different from everybody else on Earth. And you understand that everybody else is also unique.

On a most basic level, identical twins are fascinating because they challenge this truth. They are unique people, of course, but they're eerily like each other.

Consider the extreme case of the "Jim twins." Identical twins Jim Lewis and Jim Springer were only four weeks old when they were separated; each infant was taken in by a different adoptive family. At age five, Lewis learned that he had a twin, but he said that the notion never truly "soaked in" until he was 38 years old. Springer learned of his twin sibling at age eight, but both he and his adoptive parents believed the sibling had died. The two were finally reunited at age 39. The similarities the twins shared not only amazed one another, but researchers at the University of Minnesota as well. The very fact that you had twin siblings separated at birth bearing the same name, both 6 feet tall and weighing exactly 180 pounds is pretty incredible. But there's more.

In her book Entwined Lives, Nancy Segal lists the following shared characteristics:

* As youngsters, each Jim had a dog named "Toy."

* Each Jim had been married two times -- the first wives were both called "Linda" and the second wives were both called "Betty."

* One Jim had named his son "James Allan" and the other Jim had named his son "James Alan."

Twins Days in Twinsburg, Ohio

Touted as the world's largest annual gathering of twins, since August 1976 this familial fête has taken over Twinstown with tournaments, talent shows, twin contests and more. For dates and schedule information, check out the official festival Web site.

* Each twin had driven his light-blue Chevrolet to Pas Grille beach in Florida for family vacations.

* Both Jims smoked Salem cigarettes and drank Miller Lite beer.

* Both Jims had at one time held part-time posts as sheriffs.

* Both were fingernail biters and suffered from migraine headaches.

* Each Jim enjoyed leaving love notes to his wife throughout the house.

Of course, before you start thinking about science fiction movies with pod people, the Jims, like other identical twins, are not carbon copies of each other. Some obvious differences were discovered during their participation in the "Minnesota Study of Twins Reared Apart," including:

* Each styled his hair differently; one Jim wore it combed straight, hanging down over his forehead (think Beatles circa 1961) and the other Jim wore it combed back and sported sideburns (think Johnny Cash circa 1957, but with longer 'burns).

* One Jim more clearly conveyed himself through speech, while the other was better suited to writing.

* While both Jims had been married twice, one Jim had taken vows with a third wife (called "Sandy")

Photo courtesy Microsoft Clip Art

Identical twins

While not all as eerily similar as the Jim twins, many more instances of uncanny likenesses can be found among twins who were raised apart. The CBS news show 48 Hours interviewed five sets of identical twins who were raised apart, including the following:

* Also known as the "giggle twins" (because they "laugh and fold their arms the same way"), Barbara Herbert and Daphne Goodship spent the first four decades of their lives apart. In the time following their reunion, they've discovered some remarkable parallels in their lives -- both had miscarriages followed by the birth of two boys and then one girl.

* Identical twins Tom Patterson and Steve Tazumi had very different upbringings. Raised in a Christian family by two janitors in rural Kansas, Tom still managed to choose the same career as his brother. Steve, who lives in Philadelphia, was raised in a Buddhist household. Both men own body building gyms.

* Debbie Mehlman and Sharon Poset were also raised by families of different faiths. But nature versus nurture prevails in some interesting ways with these women. They both have the unusual habit of crossing their eyes when they get excited.

The Minnesota study even included a set of triplets. Although raised separately, Bobby Shafran, David Kellman and Eddy Galland shared similar personalities. According to the book Entwined Lives, all were described as, "intelligent, extraverted and slightly rambunctious." Bobby and Eddy were the first to meet, reunited by one of Eddy's college friends. Upon seeing a newspaper photo of his brothers, David immediately contacted his siblings and the triplets were fully reunited.

It's obvious from these twins' stories that genetics are certainly a factor in shaping who we are. In the next section, we'll see how such close genetic matches actually form.

Twins Studies

The Minnesota Twin Study is probably the most well known twin study to date. It's a four-part ongoing medical and psychological review of:

* Identical twins reared together

* Identical twins reared apart

* Fraternal twins reared together

* Fraternal twins reared apart

Through this study comes information about how our environment and genes work together to influence everything from attitudes, talents and abilities, to job selection, to falling in love, to aging and health. Research so far indicates that characteristics like personality are primarily related to genes. For more information about the study and its results, visit the Minnesota Twin Family Study Web site.

Previous Page Next Page

Inside this Article

1. Introduction to How Twins Work

2. The Other Minnesota Twins

3. Baby Making 101

4. It's Like Looking in a Mirror

5. Shared Lives

6. Other Types of Twinning

7. Make Mine a Double

8. Secret Language

9. Shared Thoughts

10. Lots More Information

11. See all Genetic Science articles"

Usually I would not copy / paste but I understand it is Board policy when offering a link. Moi

Why is it that "introvert" is viewed as some sort of short-coming?

From my perspective there is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted any more than there is nothing wrong with being tall, short, blond, or bald.

When thrust into a crowd of people where social interaction is common one of the best defenses is to engage people, eg. if you don't know them, ask them questions such as if they work, where, married?, children? where born? past schools? interests, hobbies, etc. Get them to talk about themselves and listen. This re-directs the spotlight away from you.

If you know the people, eg. relatives, ask about recent events, same job?, any vacations? - where? anything else that is new or plans for next year.

This helps prevent you from being a shrinking violet or wallflower who just sulks into the background which actually focuses attention on you - the last thing you want.

You can retain your introversion while at the same time be engaging.

When you show an interest in other people they like this.

Even if they don't learn one thing about you, they will be more inclined to like you than if you just sit on the couch like a sleeping dog.

An additional benefit is that you will learn a lot about other people.

This helps you take your attention off of yourself and re-directs that energy to an activity that you control.

Just ask questions, pay true attention, and move on.

If someone starts to ask you questions you have a choice to respond, or make some excuse that you see a long long friend, have to help someone, need to use the toilet or what ever. Make the exit as graceful as possible so as to not offend.

You are not out to make friends. But the more people you know, the more people who know you (and think at least a little positively of you) the better off you are in this world. Getting ahead, getting a job, is all about relationships and who you know.

If you just flat out enjoy and want to be a "loner", it is your choice, but you need to realize that this comes with great sacrifice and what you stand to loose will most likely be greater than the perspiration you loose when you get up the gumption to engage other people and ask them questions and show some interest in them.

As I am reading the responses this morning I am wondering if people think I am talking about shyness. I am not shy but my brain processes as an introverted brain. When I speak I have mentally prepared what I am going to say. If something upsets me I need a day or two to process why it was upsetting for me. As an introvert my brain processes information differently.

Even yesterdays party which was all family was exhausting. As we were making an early retreat you could tell the extroverts by their continued desire to be around everyone. I wish I had thought of bobberlove's good tip about locking myself in the bathroom for time to regroup if not to poop.

I do doubt if I can change my brain. I have no desire to change my brain when I can limit my attendance at large social events.

Believe me I know anxiety and panic attacks and when they hit the only thing you can do is take your meds (if you have any) and find a quite spot to be alone.

However, In a nutshell your options are...

1) learn to live with it and conquer it

or

2) Stay home and let it conquer you.

Learning to live with it allows you to have a life and make a few friends. Your brain is you which means it can be modified, but you have to take small baby steps in order to conquer it.

Stay at home is easy and pretty dull unless your going to write your thoughts down and turn it into a novel somehow.

You need to ask yourself what you want out of life and who you want to be when it is your time to leave, then figure out how to get there.