Hello friends: Have reached a point where my desire for castration has gone from being a fetish and has assumed the dimensions of destiny. Am happy to relay more about the history of my journey and wonder if people would be willing to share their perspectives to help guide me on my path. Thanks!

Would especially like to be friends with anyone in California who has trodden this path.

nigel

Clarifying the evolution of this

--------------------------------

To get straight to the bottom line, i seek castration, ideally within the context of a devoted TPE LTR. That may well strike some as extreme, so perhaps i should explain the evolution of my thinking and invite Your psychological analysis of whether this is fantasy or not.

my history with body mods is as follows. In 2000, after many years of wondering about it, i decided to get circumcised and am absolutely delighted that i did: i love the look, the feel and would go so far as to say it was the best decision i ever made. After 40-odd years "intact" the feeling of being circumcised is utterly wonderful and sex is much better. In 2002, i had both nipples pierced. i liked the results a lot, but found that it was a turn off to vanilla relationships and had them removed in 2005. i am wondering if i should get pierced again or to let that be my Lady's decision. That is the extent of my experience with body modifications so far.

About 15years ago, i discovered some femdom erotica on the web that had a castration theme. Had you asked me before that moment what my response would be, i would have said, "not for me". It was a complete and utter epiphany, therefore, to be knocked out of my seat by the most powerful sexual response that i had ever theretofore experienced. It was instantaneously intoxicating, and i could not shake the images and the idea from my thinking.

From that day forward, my interest in the subject has evolved from curiosity to fascination, to fixation, to obsession. i have researched the subject exhaustively, methods, techniques etc, ranging from veterinary to surgical, and even acquired an assortment of castration devices which i use (carefully) in my masturbation play and I have been fortunate enough to have had a couple of brief D/s relationships where this was incorporated. Thanks to the internet, i have also been able to develop some friendships with Ladies who are interested in the subject. Some were curious and became increasingly fascinated. Some were already very much aroused by the notion.

All this of course has inevitably led me to ponder whether i could see myself being castrated in reality. My initial thinking, not surprisingly, was "this is insane". Increasingly, however, my thinking has evolved to the point where i could happily accept this in a D/s relationship. In fact, at times i absolutely crave it. From being anxious about it, i now feel completely at ease with the idea. i would go so far as to say serene.

i would therefore say that my current state of mind is that this may have

nigel777 (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 08, 2009 5:51 pm assumed the dimensions of destiny

for me. Which is what brings me to CM, inevitably.

My intention would be that after castration i be on a testosterone replacement regime, which would allow me to maintain physique and sexual function, with my libido being regulated by my Domme's administration of the testosterone. i do not wish to be an asexual eunuch, putting on weight, having my penis shrivel, and suffering depression and brittle bones - those are the symptoms of testosterone deprivation, which would also occur if i were chemically castrated.

i see the surrender of one's testicles as the ultimate gift: the surrendering of the very essence of one's masculinity and the highest and most noble gift a sub could make. To do that and retain health and sexual function strikes me as a perfect (and perfectly logical) outcome.

I read a big fantasy. I would strongly advise against any action to castrate. I promise you will regret it. And fake T is nowhere near the real thing.

In your post you said:

"

nigel777 (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:41 pm i do not wish to be an asexual eunuch, putting on weight, having my penis shrivel, and suffering depression and brittle bones..

"

Right there you answered your own question.

You do not desire or crave castration, you merely have a castration fantasy.

It is the fantasy that you enjoy, not the reality.

Testosterone replacement is not a recreational drug. It is for people who have low or no testosterone due to medical reasons and don't want low testosterone. You would be enduring a lifetime of hassle, cost, and grieve over having made a big mistake if you were actually to proceed with physical castration.

The craving and desire to be testicle free includes the craving and desire to be rid of all that goes with testicles and testosterone.

One would not take Siterone to reduce T level while at the same take T replacement.

Based upon what you say in your inquiry, Just enjoy the fantasy, do not obtain physical castration and thank yourself that you have done the right thing to ask for advice.

In your post you said:

"

nigel777 (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:41 pm i do not wish to be an asexual eunuch, putting on weight, having my penis shrivel,

nullorchis (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 12, 2009 3:48 am and suffering depression and brittle bones..

"

The craving and desire to be testicle free includes the craving and desire to b

e rid of all that goes with testicles and testosterone.

.

I agree with you that this guy needs to think more about it, but I dont have to crave putting on weight and brittle bones to want to be a eunuch, i think some of the negative side effects are obsticles for us to over come. I agree you have to expect them and deal with them, but not crave them.

In your post you said:

"

nigel777 (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:41 pm i do not wish to be an asexual eunuch, putting on weight, having my penis shrivel

nullorchis (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 12, 2009 3:48 am , and suffering depression and brittle bones..

"

Right there you answered your own question.

You do not desire or crave castration, you merely have a castration fanta

sy.

It is the fantasy that you enjoy, not the reality.

I strongly believe that three is room for both men who wish to be eunuchs and testosterone free and those that wish to have testosterone. All the answers in this thread have thus far assumed that since this particular person wants to remain masculine with the use of testosterone, that they are fantasizing. That is not always the case, and you do a disservice to the broader community by making such assumptions.

I think you need to get out of your rut and realize there are many of us who wish to be a eunuch and on Testosterone. You need to wrap your heads around the fact that some of us find the physical presence of balls distressing, but like the testosterone they produce. I can certainly wrap my head around the fact that the reason you did it was to eliminate libido, and that is a good reason as well.

I am a eunuch on T, and am very happy with my castrated body. I suppose had I come in here and said the same things the original poster is saying before I was castrated, that you would have all been clamoring that I was into the fantasy of it all.

My concern with the individual in question is that they are seeking it to be more submissive in a relationship. I've written him privately and said that it's o.k. to seek castration but that the decision needs to be their own, and that they should not do it to satisfy another person. They need to be the better part of 100% sure about this before they do it because there is no going back. Doing it because *they* want it is important to avoid fulfilling another persons fantasy at the risk of having to live in an unwanted eunuch body the rest of their life, and that is the point I made to them.

So to the non-T eunuchs, I can accept the fact that you did this to eliminate your libido, etc., you guys need to start accepting that there are some of us out here wanting this because we're uncomfortable with the physical presence of our testicles. Eunuchs come in many different forms and come to be so through varied wants and desires.

--LT

I could be wrong, but I think most non-T Eunuchs are supportive of T-Eunuchs.

According to the survey stats, about 1/3 of the members here are BIID eunuchs or wannabes. That means guys who want the nuts gone, but wanna keep the T. It is a reality. Get used to it folks. We're here despite the abhorence of T by some members!

Losethem (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 15, 2009 11:57 am I strongly believe that three is room for both men who wish to be eunuchs and testosterone free and those that wish to have testosterone. All the answers in this thread have thus far assumed that since this particular person wants to remain masculine with the use of testosterone, that they are fantasizing. That is not always the case, and you do a disservice to the broader community by making such assumptions.

I think you need to get out of your rut and realize there are many of us who wish to be a eunuch and on Testosterone. You need to wrap your heads around the fact that some of us find the physical presence of balls distressing, but like the testosterone they produce. I can certainly wrap my head around the fact that the reason you did it was to eliminate libido, and that is a good reason as well.

I am a eunuch on T, and am very happy with my castrated body. I suppose had I come in here and said the same things the original poster is saying before I was castrated, that you would have all been clamoring that I was into the fantasy of it all.

My concern with the individual in question is that they are seeking it to be more submissive in a relationship. I've written him privately and said that it's o.k. to seek castration but that the decision needs to be their own, and that they should not do it to satisfy another person. They need to be the better part of 100% sure about this before they do it because there is no going back. Doing it because *they* want it is important to avoid fulfilling another persons fantasy at the risk of having to live in an unwanted eunuch body the rest of their life, and that is the point I made to them.

So to the non-T eunuchs, I can accept the fact that you did this to eliminate your libido, etc., you guys need to start accepting that there are some of us out here wanting this because we're uncomfortable with the physical presence of our testicles. Eunuchs come in many different forms and come to be so through varied wants and desires.

--LT

DavidB (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 15, 2009 4:39 pm I could be wrong, but I think most non-T Eunuchs are supportive of T-Eunuchs.

As to the specific passage I took exception to in my initial response, it was the one by nullochris that said:

DavidB (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 15, 2009 11:46 am

nullorchis (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 12, 2009 3:48 am The craving and desire to be testicle free includes the craving and desire to be rid of

all that goes with testicles and testosterone.

Maybe that was the case for nullochris and various others, but that isn't a statement that can be made with such a broad bush as to include everyone who wishes to be a eunuch. I certainly didn't fit that description, and now 4 years post-castration I'm happy with my genital configuration and the fact that I'm on testosterone. Those parts of my body I considered a foreign growth are gone.

The medical community may finally be waking up to the fact there are men who desire to be eunuchs and that a standard of care needs to be created for them. Unfortunately, all I've seen thus far from them lumps all men desiring to be eunuchs into the "libido reduction" sort, and completely ignores the fact that there are eunuch identified men with body identity integrity issues and not libido issues. The new manual is suggesting that *all* men desiring castration should be treated with a round of chemical castration first, something that is very chilling and frightening to guys like me that did not wish to lose libido, but instead wished to lose those dangly bits we didn't/don't feel belong between our legs.

By saying everyone who wants to do this has to undergo chemical castration first, they are not working to solve the entire issue. They are actually harming guys like me and driving us underground into the hands of the cutters.

Of course, how is that much different than it is today? *shrugs*

As Losethem pointed out. There is no size fits all when it comes to being an eunuch. For those who chose. Being an eunuch has their own self made world. Eunuch's live to a different drum beat. Our choices is our own. Do not try to judge us on what you think a eunuch is. For many being a physical eunuch is just the removal of the testicles. What the person has between the ears is what can drive the persons choices.