Hi

It's the first time that I am posting something on here and I know that this questions has been asked many time, so please forgive me!

I wanted to have my balls and my scrotum removed since I was about 13 or 14. For a very long time it was only a distant dream. Earlier this year I finally had the courage to take some more concrete steps. I found a doctor who would peform the procedure. He said that he would need two letters of recommendation. He suggeted some psychologists who would help me. So after a while I contacted the first and she was very helpful and understanding and she gave me the first letter. On her recommendation I contacted a 2nd psychologist and got the second letter.

So I now have the two letters and could go to the doctor to finally have the surgery done. But somehow I am very nervous now making this appointment. I know that this is the right thing for me to do but I somehow can't jump this last hurdle (at least not yet).

Can any of you tell me how you felt once you had all the required things in place and "only" had to make the final call to make this important appointment with the doctor? How did you feel after you made the appointment and waited for the day. What happened when the big day finally arrived? Any hints and tips about how to overcome my nervousness of taking this last step are much appreciated!!

Felixster

I would think that part of this is because this is a big decision and being human, you are worried about the results. You know life will change but as much as you know, the surgery will be irreversible and that worries you. Your mind is going "what if, what if, what if..." That sounds normal.

I presume that this will be the first time you ever had surgery. All surgery is scary.

And this will be life-changing in that you will have what you have desired. There is a difference between desiring to be without and actually living without your testicles. For some reason that change frightens you and again, that's normal.

I am going to ask "Are you absolutely sure" not because I want to discourage you, but because I want you to talk out those doubts and put them to rest.

Hello Felix,

You really haven’t given us enough information to be able to make any good suggestions for you.

Your profile indicates that you’re now 37 years old and that you live in the UK. Getting approval for castration for any reason other than cancer through the NHS is extremely difficult. Private providers are not much easier. Neither the Harry Benjamin Standards nor the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD-10) recognizes any valid reasons for castration other than medical necessity or Male-to-Female transition (although that will probably change with the next edition of each of them).

What reason for wanting castration do you have that was convincing to both a surgeon and two psychologists? Have you had a period of chemical castration as a trial run?

You write that you’ve wanted castration since about the time of puberty. What set off this desire? Was it that you knew then that you are gay and wanted to rid of sexuality? Was it that you have a Male-to-Eunuch Gender Dysphoria and identify as non-sexual (which would make your “gay” self-description seem odd)? Was it that, from an early age, your testicles have seemed like foreign objects that just happen to be attached to you?

These are three common reasons, and the advice that you receive would depend on which of these reasons, or whichever other reason(s), you have for wanting castration. Advice would depend on whether or not you’ve used chemical castration in the past.

We need to know more about you and your reasons before anyone here can offer valid advice.

J.

Hi Jesus

Yes I do live in the UK and you are right, the NHS isn't the best place to have your balls removed. I contatced a surgeon in the US (Dr Reed in Miami) and he is willing to perform this procedure.

About my reasons. I don't want to have my balls removed to get rid of testosterone. I want to put things right (if that makes sense to you). In my mind they simply don't belong there. Or as you put it: they feel

JesusA (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:27 pm like foreign objects that just happen to be attached to

my body. I don't hate them but I don't want to have them, as it simply doesn't feel right. The first shrink (we had a long conversation about my wish/ desire) called it body dismorphia (I somehow don't like that word)

I haven't used chemical castration so fa, as I said my objective isn't to eliminate testosterone from my system. I am thinking of going on HRT afterwards.

What's going through my head are lots of what if's as Dave put it. It more about what others will think, if it makes my life much more complicated in the long run, health implications, etc. rather than: is it the right thing to do/ will I reget it one day? But obviously I can't diregard the latter completely in my thinking

F

F

Felixster (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:22 pm Hi Jesus

Yes I do live in the UK and you are right, the NHS isn't the best place to have your balls removed. I contatced a surgeon in the US (Dr Reed in Miami) and he is willing to perform this procedure.

About my reasons. I don't want to have my balls removed to get rid of testosterone. I want to put things right (if that makes sense to you). In my mind they simply don't belong there. Or as you put it: they feel

JesusA (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:27 pm like foreig

Felixster (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:22 pm n objects that just happen to be attached to

my body. I don't hate them but I don't want to have them, as it simply doesn't feel right. The first shrink (we had a long conversation about my wish/ desire) called it body dismorphia (I somehow don't like that word)

I haven't used chemical castration so fa, as I said my objective isn't to eliminate testosterone from my system. I am thinking of going on HRT afterwards.

What's going through my head are lots of what if's as Dave put it. It more about what others will think, if it makes my life much more complicated in the long run, health implications, etc. rather than: is it the right thing to do/ will I reget it one day? But obviously I can

't diregard the latter completely in my thinking

F

F

I am following your account with interest especially as things stand in the UK as outlined by Jesus, and whose good advice is always worth taking notice of in my experience.

Your reply came over as being very sensible and worthy, and you have made good progress by your own effort so far. My own small contribution to your debate, is to suggest you do not worry what effect your castration will have on any body else. For one nobody will know about it unless you choose to tell them, and there are no outward signs to really concern yourself with anyway. As you are in the UK if you would like to discuss privately with myself, then feel free to get in touch if you feel I might be able to help.

Cheers

Quillman UK

...

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Quillman (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:35 pm

Felixster (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:22 pm What's going through my head are lots of what if's as Dave put it. It more about what others will think, if it makes my life much more complicated in the long run, health implications, etc. rather than: is it the right thing to do/ will I reget it one day? But obviously I can't

disregard the latter completely in my thinking...

You have to face those questions.

Is what others think more important than changing your body to what you want it to be? That's like coming out of the closet to tell the world you are gay or like changing sex. Ask people how they handled those situations.

As for health and HRT therapy, there are people on the EA who have experienced all that and can give you explanations and consequences.

I can only provide you with my own experience. At first when I started contemplating castration, I had fears and anxiety. But my desire to be castrated eventually pushed those fears away, there was some anxiety, not about being castrated, but about the pain of it all. I was so consumed and driven by my desire, that I took matters into my own hands, not a good thing to do. You can read my posts from a few years ago. Anyway, I partially castrated myself and then had Dr. Kimmel finish the job, but my remaining testicle was essentially dead from years of abuse. Male doctors aren't often understanding, so I only use women. They're more compassionate. My current female physician is in her later 50's, when I first went to see her, she told me, "I've seen just about everything, so let's see what we're dealing with." So I slid my pants off and she looked and felt around for a few moments. Then she said, "Well, you're definitely castrated." Then we talked about what I needed and she prescribed some compounded testosterone at my request. Upon leaving I remember saying, "The world would be a better place if more men were castrated," and she said, "I think you might be right." That kind of shocked me, but that was the extent of our initial conversation.

Dave (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:53 pm As for health and HRT therapy, there are people on the EA who have experienced all that and can give you explanations and consequences.

Thanks Dave

Can anyone here tell me about his experiences after becoming a eunuch. How did you cope with HRT and did you experience any health problems? Any comments help!

Felixster (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 4:04 pm Thanks Dave

Can anyone here tell me about his experiences after becoming a eunuch. How did you cope with HRT and did you experience any health problems? Any comments help!

It has been a little over a year since I became a eunuch so I have earned a couple pearls of wisdom to give:

I always wanted to be a eunuch and chemically castrated myself for years. After the final cut I found that I could not live without any T so I went on Androgel and remain on it today.

Androgel is absolutely positively NOT, NO WAY a replacement for the T that your body produces with testicles. It comes close but there are differences.

For example my body seems to absorb the T differently depending on who knows what. So my T levels swing around probably more than most people who are on replacement gels. As a result I end up either with too much T or too little T at times. So one day I'm Superman, ready to leap..... you know the rest, and then then the next day I can feel horrible and fall into depression. Watch out for the depression. Never expericened it until I became a eunuch.

Also due to the hormone swings sometimes acne and oily skin becomes a problem. Nothing like a back full of zits on a hot day. Oh and don't forget about the empty sac. It sticks to everything in hot weather.

I have needed more dental work in the last year than in past years. There is supposed to be a relation to this but it may be coincidence.

Positives:

When the hormones are just right (which is most of the time) I notice nothing. I guess that is the best way to describe it. If you have testicles do you notice your hormone levels? It will be the same on replacement hormones.

When the hormones swing a little high I become Superman. But sometimes having an erection that lasts all day can be an "issue". And other times it can be a lot of fun.

I shoot blanks forever. Really, really think hard about this. And when you dismiss this statment because you don't care about fertility think about it a few more times. Castration is 100% permanant.

I walk with my legs closer together. The wear pattern on my shoes actually changed just a little so the outer heel doesn't wear as fast as before. I am not absolutely sure castration was the cause but the shoe wear is a fact.

There are also many unexplainable differences between what your body produces and replacement T. It has been discussed here before but it is an experience that can only be felt but not explained. Some of the effects are good and some are bad. Some around here call it the "Eunuch calm".

I hope this helps in your decision.

Felixster (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:22 pm About my reasons. I don't want to have my balls removed to get rid of testosterone. I want to put things right (if that makes sense to you). In my mind they simply don't belong there. Or as you put it: they feel

Quillman (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:35 pm

JesusA (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:27 pm like foreig

Felixster (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:22 pm n objects that just happen to be attached to

my body. I don't hate them but I don't want to have them, as

it simply doesn't feel right. The first shrink (we had a long conversation about my wish/ desire) calle

d it body dismorphia (I somehow don't like that word)

What you have described is sometimes called “Body Dysmorphia,” but more often today called Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID). While it is not yet in either the DSM or the ICD, it is very likely to be included in the next edition of both. Dr. Michael First of the Department of Psychiatry at Columbia University is working on a draft for inclusion in the DSM-V. He seems convinced that a desire to remove the testicles, penis, or both should be included in the diagnostic description of BIID and that professional help should be readily available. (A colleague and I are currently working on a draft for MtE which was requested by the sub-committee working on GID. We have some hope that a very conservative editorial committee up the line will accept it.)

I spent quite a bit of time talking with Dr. Reed at the WPATH meeting in Oslo last June where he attended one of my presentations on voluntary eunuchs. He seemed, at that time, willing to work with individuals who were MtE, though not with those with BIID. I’m pleased that he seems to have changed his opinion. (For others here who are reading this, he does insist on TWO letters from qualified psychiatrists or psychologists who hold PhD degrees.)

While those with BIID are happy with being male and only want to have “foreign objects” removed, you need to be aware that HRT does not replace all of the hormones that testicles produce. It’s close, but not complete. There are plenty of Archive members who have practical experience and who can fill you in on the details of what to expect. Some are extremely happy with the results; some less so.

Unless you plan to spend a great deal of time on nude beaches or in the dressing room of gymnasia, there’s no reason that anyone whom you don’t tell about it need ever know that you have had the “offending parts” removed. Even in those places few, if any, are likely to notice and most of them will be far too polite to ever ask. Only your partner, who needs to be a part of your decision, needs to be involved and to know.

Your concerns need to be directed at yourself. How are YOU going to react after any surgery? Even though you have convinced two professionals of your need, have you truly though through all of the ramifications? Once you have worked through all the scenarios (probably with some help from the members of the Archive who have already been there), you will either be very comfortable moving ahead or significant doubts will arise and you will decide against.

It can only be your decision.