I am a straight married man, I had my first ever depo provera three days ago (Aug 10). My intention is to share and discuss with people having a similar situation. Here are some facts:

I am in my early 40s, living in Mexico, married for more than 10 years. I love my wife and I plan to pass the rest of my life with her. I have never cheated on her. She has a very conservative christian profile, thus, we never made love until we were married, her sex drive has always been low. 4 years ago she found that she was hypoglucemic and she was in risk of turning diabetic if she were not having a diet and also if she got pregnat. This fear made her begin for the fist time into contraceptives as well as antidepressant. I believe this is a lethal combination that completely killed her already lowered sex drive.

I believe she is very kind and into some extend she undestands my urge to have a more active sexual life, therefore she complies to have sex once (she never initiates), twice a month but without touching; I cannot even put my hands in her breast because she feels it completely unpleasant and can even discourage her. The act is completed in no more than five minutes and in 50% of the cases she has an orgasm.

In my case I am completely healty and because this situation I started to think of having an affair or an adventure, something I never thought before. At my work there are very pretty women which worsens my situation. I think about sex many times daily. If I go on a business trip I please myself at least every night in my hotel. This situation is killing me and I am really tired of it.

I have spoken with my wife but the fear of getting pregnant one more time just freaks her out. And since her sex drive is 0 or very low I believe she is just fine with it as I have read from other memebers of this community, in other words I believe she is completely fine without the drive. She has never suggested vasectomy (maybe because her religous believes) and I am not sure this will be the solution (remember natural low sex drive and antideppresants).

Putting in a scale her strengths and weaknesses she is an extraodinary woman.

In many occasions she had complained about me speaking nothing else but having sex with her and also about me rubbing the "morning wood" in her body all days. My decision to go on depo is to see if by lowering my sex drive to a level where I am not thinking in sex all the time but, being calm with my female co-workers, avoid thinking of potential affairs and at the same time being able to have it when the ocassion arises, I match her her level and we ease our relationship.

I am aware this can lead to a sexless marriage but if this works for us I believe we can be happy. I have not tell her of this "run test", but I am thinking of talking again with her and if the discussion is good enough I may bring the issue to the table. I`m thinking of telling her to have some testoterone to increase her libido but I don`t know if this will really work without major side effects.

I decided to go with only one shot of 150 ml since I don`t want a complete castration and depending on how I feel and some tips of the community members I will have the second between week 4 and 8. For the moment I decided not to take Androcur because having a shot is lot easer to go under the radar. I intend to post weekly updates on how I am feeling.

In particular I invite men with the same or similar situation to share their thoughts and experiences and of course everyone is also invited. Thank you.

There are quite a few of us married men who are either chemical or surgical eunuchs to match lowered sex drive. With me it was either leave or re-commit. The good thing about d-p and other chemical castration is you can taylor the dose to your needs. Just be patient, it takes several weeks to lower drive. There are many posts on dose in the various forums.

Good luck,

Don

july,

I am currently looking into aspects of the Christian faith as it may apply to eunuchs. I wrote a paper over on the non-fiction board that may be of interest.

A question I have out of curiousity. You did not say in your post what religion you embrace. You only said your wife was a conservative Christian. (Unless I missed it.) Have you looked into what your church espouses as to a man becoming a eunuch in the circumstances you detail?

I thank you in advance.

Regards, Glenda Jones

I don't think that I would be going through this without my wife's knowledge and support. She is content that she no longer has to provide sex against her desire and she feels safe knowing that I won't suddenly ask for it in the middle of the night as we lay in bed snuggled together. There is no longer the sexual tension that previously existed between us. So far, we have both been very satisfied with the results.

As a libertarian, I think people should be allowed to do what they want as long as they aren't harming other people, but I don't think the scenario you described is a good reason to reduce your sex drive.

I see little mention of your wife trying to work with you other than conceding sex once or twice a month. Her reluctance to let you touch her breasts could stem from a body image issue or negative views toward sexuality. Personally, I think marriage counseling or seeing a sex therapist is more appropriate than medicating yourself at this point. Marriage involves sacrifice, but with sacrifice there should also be communication.

There are online resources for asexual individuals. Perhaps she might find them worthwhile so she could read others' experiences and challenges. It might help her realize the toll her low drive is taking on your marriage.

I don't know both sides of the situation, so I can only assume there are significant points I'm missing that account for her reluctance (besides an initially low sex drive perhaps worsened by antidepressants). Nonetheless, what precedent does this set for solving problems in your relationship? You might feel resentment that you must give up on your desires simply because she won't.

Just my thoughts.

First of all thank you all for your answers and support.

Some thoughts and answers to the questions you posted:

1. Communication. You are right I should have talked the issue with my wife but I was afraid (yes I know thinking for her), she would not allow me to do the run test. I really needed to do it in order to "feel the difference" and decide if it is something I would want to continue and if so speak of it with her.

2. We are catholic. In particular I have not done any research about this topic and unfortunately I do not have the time to do it.

An update. It has been 10 days since the shot. After day 7 I began experiencing a calmness I never felt before. Erections have decreased and Yesterday I left for a 4 day trip to South America; as in previous ocassions my wife initiated sex (the reason is pretty obvious), and although I had an erection I was not able to have an orgasm. This freaked me out a little bit maybe the reason was because I was suffering of testicular soreness and because I never thought DP were going to kick in so fast and with that effect. I will continue to monitor the situation but what I can tell you is besides this event I feel really calm during this business trip. Regards to everybody.

I can attest that DP can make it VERY hard to ejaculate. I can remamber going til I thought I would collapse before I got off. Then there were times when after my wife got off, i faked orgasm so I could stop.

THIRD WEEK UPDATE

No more soreness after the trip to Southamerica. I came back a week ago and since then I have waken up with almost zero erection or very small one. All mornings my wife had asked to cuddle with her for many minutes and no erection. I am convinced that if worked I can have one but at the end nothing.

If I can keep this and at the same time have sex that would be really great but I am aware that I have some weeks to come to undestand how DP will coninue working in my body.

So 3 weeks with no sex, just cuddling and huges; although I would like to have some I have not minded that she had not started so far (except when I was living to S.A.) and this is a very big change since before DP I would certainly be frustrated.

Another big change is that I am starting to believe that sex can potentially become a vice. Why I say this, because even my body is not asking for sex and/or masturbation I still have some moments when my mind (maybe due to rutine or habit) is asking for it. I will monitor this situation and let you know my thoughts over the next weeks.

I hope more people with similar cases will share their expience. For me this is a way to process my thoughts and also to give out my findings.

I think you may notice other changes that happen with castration. Mood swings, energy loss, mental clarity. You may find it more difficult to decide things and of course the lowered sex drive.

In an earlier post you made a comment about increasing your wifes Testosterone. We tried this and are very happy with the results. I think "guilt" of having sexual needs is very common. I don't think there is any reason to have them for your wife. Sex within your marriage is a good thing. Pregnancy is a concern of course but are you not open to sterilization? I think castration is far more likely to be against her religion.

I also want to ask you to communicate with her. How do you "know" she is against sex to this extent? I've had some ED issues and talked with a lot of women married to men with erection problems and not a single one says "Oh good I'm glad we can't have sex!" they all feel that sex is an important part of their relationship. If you feel "denied" but never speak up its your own fault!

And if your really do have a problem where you have more needs then she does what is wrong with masturbation?

SIXTH WEEK UPDATE

I am glad to inform that the last 5 weeks since I started to feel the effect of DP I had no need to have sex, I thought about sex 50% less and had two times sex with my wife (she is the one that suggested or started); the last time I asked if her body was asking for it or if she was worried about “fulfill her wife’s duties” the answer was “kind of both”. In both cases I estimate a 75% of erection good enough for both to achieve orgasm.

Just two days ago I started to feel a mild need of sex, I do not know if this is temporary or if the effect of DP is diminishing. Although I really LOVED the way I felt the last 5 weeks and I am tempted to give myself another shot I want to verify when the effect of DP will be gone. After that I am convinced I will talk with my wife, tell her my experience and discuss options including among them having a vasectomy so she can stop having contraceptives or going with an endocrinologist to lower testosterone.

Once again I want to thank you all for your support and for encouraging me to talk with my wife. As always I will keep you posted. Please keep posting your thoughts.