I've been gone from EA for quite a while. I've been dealing with a second back surgery last December and legal matters with my former employer. I have recently stopped taking pain pills and I'm sleeping without Ambien, kind of. About 10 days ago, I stopped the testosterone. I had been taking a fairly large dose, for me, to hopefully help my bones heal. I'm also done with my legal matters. We settled out of court, because there was beginning to be a possibility of a very bad outcome. We're not happy with the settlement, but at least we came out on the plus side.

I decided, with my endocrinologist, to stop the testosterone because the gender dysphoria was hitting me real hard. He wanted me to take Evista for my bone health, but that wouldn't have helped my GD. So after not tolerating the Evista very well, I was able to talk him into estrogen therapy. Since I am 57, I thought it would be better if I had a transdermal product. I have read where a lot of people have trouble with the patches, so I asked him if I could use EstroGel. He didn't even know it existed. It gained FDA approval last year. After doing a little research, he decided that it would be a good option for me, so he wrote me a prescription. Yesterday I had a blood test for all the pertinent data. He wants me to be checked again in a month to see how it's working. This morning I applied my first application of estrogen ever and I'm rather excited about it. I am hopeful that this will help bring my body and soul together. I'm just sorry I didn't do this 37 years ago before getting married and having a family. Well, maybe not. I have a pretty good family, I just don't want to hurt them. I do have a new therapist to help me. I know most in my situation have a female therapist, but mine is a straight, Christian man. He has helped other adults and children with transgender issues and seams very supportive of me.

I don't really know where this is all going, yet. I know where I would like it to go, but I don't know if I'm up for the ride. It's too bad I'm 6'4" tall and not very good looking for a girl. :-\

Dear Hairless,

I'm glad you're taking action to help you feel comfortable with who you really are. Sounds like you've been through the wringer for quite some time.

I do not know how you look. From what I have read, though, many trans folks think they do not look passable when they often are. Some natal women aren't really passable by standards many trans folks would apply to themselves.

Besides, if necessary there are some things that can be done to become more passable.

The truth is, the most critical component of passing is confidence.

You're height is not outside the bounds of natal females, although it is certainly on the high end.

I am 57 and very glad I have transitioned, male-to-female.

Even though I am going through a very stressful time with my career, or possibly lack of a job soon. Being true to myself gives me some of the strength I need to get through this difficult time.

I wish you the best.

Hugs,

Danya

Hi Danya,

Thank you for your insight. You're right about my having a difficult time for a while. Right now, I'm just tired. I imagine it's too many chemical changes in my body at once. I hope things settle down soon. Does the energy come back, or is this something I have to learn to live with?

I've started to read your thread to get some knowledge of you. I thought it interesting that not only are we the same age, but also the same religion.

I'm still considering names, but leaning toward, Sandra

Hairless (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:45 pm Hi Danya,

Thank you for your incite. You're right about my having a difficult time for a while. Right now, I'm just tired. I imagine it's too many chemical changes in my body at once. I hope things settle down soon. Does the energy come back, or is this something I have to learn to live with?

I've started to read your thread to get some knowledge of you. I thought it interesting that not only are we the same age, but also the same religion.

I'm still considering names, but leaning toward, Sandra

Hi Hairless,

I'm taking a quick break from doing remote work for the office.

I suspect the energy will come back for you. A factor in this may be how long you've been taking estrogen. Exercise definitely helps for any low energy condition, whatever the cause.

I haven't had much time to exercise in months, but I'm typically very energetic.

I like the name Sandra. Actually, I have a special affection for it.

Hang in there and ask for support or answers to questions.

I've got to get back to work.

Hugs,

Danya

Best wishes to both of you.

It takes a lot of guts to be who you really are.

T.

This might be a difficult journey, but if you feel more female, then it is better to start and at least see where this leads. Since you are a eunuch, you can always go back on T and re-masculinize if being so tall and I assume, rugged looking does not make you comfortable trying to pass as female outwardly.

Hairless (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 14, 2009 4:07 pm I don't really know where this is all going, yet. I know where I would like it to go, but I don't know if I'm up for the ride. It's too bad I'm 6'4" tall and not very good looking for a girl. :-\

It doesn't matter dear, you're cherished for who you are inside. Looks are for the superficial people. To those of us who really know what makes a person, you are who you are.

Hi Hairless,

Welcome back to EA. I hadn't heard from you in so long I was beginning to wonder whatever happened to you.

I know that this must have been a very difficult decision for you to make and it may be a difficult journey, but based on my own experience it is one that I'm glad I did. I have never been happier in my life and I sincerely hope that you will also find this same happiness.

You always have your friends and "sisters" here at EA to lean on if the going gets tough, so reach out to us anytime the need arises.

Give the estrogen time to work. You'll be surprised at the changes it will make in your appearance, both body and face. As far as your height goes, I'm 6'-0" and in my heels I'm up around 6'-3". The other day I was leaving a restaurant after lunch and a natal female walked past me and this girl had to be 2" taller than me and she was wearing flats. Women come in all sizes now a days so don't be too concerned about your height.

Your energy levels will come back up as your body begins to adjust to the estrogen. The time involved depends on your metabolism. For me, it was about 3-4 months.

If I can ever be of any help or should you have any questions, please do not hesitate to send me a PM. I'll be the first to profess that I don't know everything, but sometimes it helps to speak with others who have already traveled this path before.

I wish you all the best!

You are all right about there being tall women. Last year I saw a lady in the local hardware store that was just as tall as me. At least I don't have the usual heavy build that many males my size have. Erica, I have heard that the feminizing effects of estrogen can be amazing. I hope it can do something with this face. I look in the mirror and wonder if FFS is the only way to go. I'll just have to wait and see what transpires. Since I'm on a disability pension, I don't have a lot of money for surgery's. I would love to get a hair transplant, but if what I read is correct, it would be about $10,000. Then there is the electrolysis to remove the facial hair. What's that cost, $5,000? At least I don't have the body hair problem. Epilating for so many years has pretty much taken care of that. I've been looking at wigs on line and that brings me back to the face again. What hair style would help me look OK. I have the German head thing going on. I think that being on the pain med's for so long hasn't helped my appearance either. I look like I haven't slept in a week. At least that goes along with the way I feel. Then, if all this isn't enough, there's learning how to walk, talk and dress. I didn't know there were so many ways to size clothing. What's the story with shoes? I wear a 12b in a man's shoe. I guess that's a 14 in a woman's shoe, but what width? Are they sized the same for width?

What's a girl to do. What should be at the top of my list. Most women get to take their whole lives to learn this stuff, mines about 2/3 over.

Then there is the problem of coming out to family. I still have a 15 y/o daughter at home and my wife thinks this would destroy her and my other kids. My therapist says I need to tell everyone. I know he's right, but my wife blows up every time the subject comes up. She's known about me for over 10 years. In some ways, she wants to be helpful, but only if nobody knows. If it wasn't for family, this would be a lot easier. The unfortunate thing for me is, that family is about all I've got. I guess if the estrogen does it's thing, somethings got to give sooner or later.

Erica, I need to get caught up on your thread also. I know you have gone through some very rough times. Is your spouse still supportive? It's sad that we have to go through so much pain to be able to be who we are.

Your wife probably doesn't give your daughter enough credit. I don't think it would destroy her in any way. Your children needs to know that no matter who you are you're still their loving parent. A family's unconditional love should mean something afterall.