Two days ago, I had my first consult with my psychiatrist. It is normal that after the first intake, they have you in a discussion to find the best way and best person to help you. As he was resuming our one hour talk it was clear that he was thinking about an indication for a long period.................

Somebody ask me to tell my real story, to show myself, I agree......

What you see above is my way to tell the truth to people that might want to think bad about me.

Maybe you think or hope that my problems are that big.

I will tell the truth...

He promised me that he will try to find me the best psych they have to answer my questions about castration, they will try to hurry, so if possible, we can meet and talk before my operation, and the long term is indicated because after the operation it could be a good thing for me to have somebody I feel comfortable with, to discus any changes if needed.

He made me happy, that was exactly what I was asking for.

I do have two appointments with the urologist...06-02-09 and 06-16-09 and it is a damned good feeling to have this background with the psychiatry

I am willing to tell my story, and my real feelings, but that means that I will not only show how to scorn justice, I will call them names, show what they are doing to children. Doing this, I don't want to hide behind a fake name.

It's me, and they know me. 1986 - 1987 I was with my full name in the newspapers, and I had something to say they didn't like.

Last week ( my story in the Spits was well timed) there was a lot in the news.

A girl from the "Bolderkar" She wants to summon against the state and the school. Maybe other dutch people here like to tell or send links.

After the fathers went out free, being separated from her daddy for about a year, all those child protectors liked to forget about her...not even a sorry

Like one said in my thread before, it is about power, not about protecting or care. Now the little girl has grown up, and she doesn't accept it.

Another story about ex wifes sending their husbands to jail by nice stories, maybe some hundred innocent people in jail

There is a change coming, people don't eat the shit anymore

I have been waiting for that change and working on it as much as I could.

In 86-87 I could do this on my own name, and this moment I still can do this. It will not affect my family contacts, it will not affect my friends, and it will not affect my job or the people I am working with.

I like to say goodbye to the name "NOMOREHOTBUTT"

In a few days you will see me as a new member under my own full name.

I want to be me, I want to be recognized as I slap justice in their dirty face.

And no, I am not a kettle of anger, I am doing things I think they need to be done.

Together with my name you will see an avatar of a Vietnamese Dragon:....

It is one of the friendly kind like you can see in "the Neverending Story"

I will ad the same avatar to "nomorehotbutt" so it will be easy to recognize the threads and postings.

And I promise you all that at the first posting I will try to show my understanding for the victims (and survivors) of abuse in a nice way

People told me to many times, that I cannot change the world on my own....

I do believe in that power that goes with the wind in the spring, and makes everything alive, set up every mind to making love. I believe that just that little touch of the wind is the power behind big changes. I like to be that wind.

Maybe people were right, maybe I cannot change the world on my own, but I am going to try it, the least I can do is try........

loveUall

Jean

Dear Jean,

I hope you will find what you are looking for. Personaly I wouldn't use my full real name, but I can understand your feelings about this point. Good luck!

Peter47-NL

Peter47-NL (imported) wrote: Fri May 29, 2009 6:39 am Dear Jean,

I hope you will find what you are looking for. Personaly I wouldn't use my full real name, but I can understand your feelings about this point. Good luck!

Peter47-NL

Thanks, you're a good friend. And please don't worry, if I wasn't sure I could handle this, I wouldn't do it.

I only need to look around, is there any-one else who can go this way, asking for castration, getting the support of family and friends, no need to worry about the boss and so on. I told you, the truth and love are HIS powers

I made a mistake once as I thought that I should separate love and sex:

love for the children and seeking sex with adults. In the wrong moment, it was me who had no feelings for the love part with an adult.

loveUall

Jean

Just let us know who you are! Jean...aka no morehotbut. And more power to ya!

Thanks Kristoff, this way it works okay.

And don't forget, if later I attack your position as a worker in the corrections........ I do love you

loveUall

Jean

Jean, wish you all the best and be strong on your jouney.

Eef

In the Netherlands, we do have our famous flower:....

THE TULIP

Looking at the young green leaves, you will see a bud rising soon. Even before it shows any of its colour, it is a promise of beauty

As it starts to open the flower, it is at its highest beauty, and full of colour

You can tough it, feel it, kiss it, even cut it and put it in a vase, it will show its beauty to all the world.

Only if somebody steps on it, it is over, leaving a broken bud....

Maybe there will be a poor attempt to show what colour it should have become, or the leaves grow more strong as there is no flower to feed

But that promise of beauty will be broken forever by the disrespect of one careless person who stepped on it

I love all these flowers, and anytime I see a broken one, I have to bow, to see if there is anything I can do. And every time it hurts, to find out there is so little I can do.

I am just a no-good horticulturist, I love all those flowers so much, I never can sell them

loveUall

Jean

I know I'm not getting something just not sure what it is.

estragen (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 01, 2009 12:37 pm I know I'm not getting something just not sure what it is.

Well, let me thank you for being that honest.

I made a promise before as I started this thread:

Jean Op den Kamp (imported) wrote: Fri May 29, 2009 3:26 am And I promise you all that at the first posting I will try to show my understanding for the victims (and survivors) of abuse in a nice way

They are so hard to reach, I tried it with a flower, a tulip.

Of course I wasn't talking about a flower, but I put my life, my feelings and my opinion in to that tulip.

The tulip is a human, a child growing up, being a big promise of beauty and on its way to flower in to life and feel great.

Abuse, in whatever way can destroy this forever, one may never feel great anymore

Why??? If you just look around on this board, you will find out about people who got raped hard, but also about some-one humiliated by his parents, or one who went for a haircut, and never will forget about the hairdresser riding his cock on his knee.

That is where I see the real damage: not the kind of action, but the disrespect payed to a young innocent child. Sometimes, it is even the lack of any action that courses the damage

Somebody steps on the tulip, the damage is forever.

I love them all, and if I hear or see this damage, yes, I like to bow.

What is going on in my mind???

If I see or hear any of these stories, in my mind I see them as the little child they were when it happened, and my love for them makes me want to protect them. But I am to late, and I cannot change what happened to them.

That hurts, and it makes me feel guilty. Is that feeling reasonable??? For me, as long as I don't reach them with my respect, and I don't succeed in preventing new victims, I have no problems with this feeling. I accept it.

The tulip story shows my opinion: It is the disrespect that harms, not the kind of action.

At Vietnam, many times, outside drinking something, I am counting in english with a lot of children. And to make it easy, we count the fingers. If we come up to eleven, it means con tray (boy) and if we have to stop at ten it is a con gay (girl). Every one can see, all have fun, and the next is waiting.

If one becomes a priest, teaching children to sleep with their hand over the blanket, shower with their underwear on, telling them about hell if they tough themselves down there, and the same person ends up at night sitting at the side of their beds, with his hands where they shouldn't be....that is disrespect, and the damage will be considerable.

One point in the tulip story tells something about me, and I guess that was hidden to well. Only some-one who knows me very well would have recognized this.

I fact, I am a horticulturist. After my school, being still very young, I started my own company.......About five years later I had to stop. Yeah, I could do it, I could be a businessman, I could be making money, but I couldn't lie....

Jean Op den Kamp (imported) wrote: Sun May 31, 2009 8:53 pm This wasn't me, I felt unhappy as one can feel...............

I love all those flowers so much, I never can sell them

Maybe now you understand: I do love them all

a simple message, and I hope if they forget about this story, they remember that somebody handed them a tulip

loveUall

Jean

Like Estragen, i have no idea what anything here means.