Dear wife is very popular with the people she cares for and she herself becomes attached to them. One is in the final stages of cirrhosis. Material things are not an issue for this woman, but she is dying bitter.

I know some people die very comfortable with themselves and the life they have lived.

Does anybody have observations on what leads to that vs. those who die unhappy? Is it a genetic attitude? Is it what has happened in life? A combination? Is it something else?

Arab Nights (imported) wrote: Sun May 03, 2009 7:39 pm I know some people die very comfortable with themselves and the life they have lived.

Does anybody have observations on what leads to that vs. those who die unhappy? Is it a genetic attitude? Is it what has happened in life? A combination? Is it something else?

In general old people who are frail and possibly in pain welcome death as a friend.

There is one thing you cannot get away from: you are a product of your time and you are pretty well anchored to it. Your thoughts, values and philosophy do not seem able to adapt to changing times. I've had this from several very old people who felt the world had moved on and left them behind. If there is no-one left who shares your experiences and has lived through the same times as you have, you come to feel an anachronism. It's as if you no longer belong.

On the other hand, if you have unfinished business death is a most unhappy event. One of my memories is of a youngish woman dying in tears because she had to leave her two kids behind. She was most certainly not ready to go and her cancer was seen as a horrible, cruel and evil disease.

One thing that I have noticed, many people shortly before their death claim to have a visit from an already deceased loved one, who speaks words of reasurance.

Whether this is merely a manifestation of a mind reconciling itself to death or a genuine contact from the next world is impossible to say. It certainly does help with the last few hours of a person's life.

So whether you welcome death or rage against the dieing of the light probably depends on your age, who you will leave behind and the amount of pain you are suffering.

Kortpeel

I could die right now, and have no regrets. Perhaps I am one of the lucky ones who has achieved most of their life goals. This does not mean that I want to die, however.

My father struggled for years to gain professional and international recognition by having one of his articles published in book form. Two years before he died at age 88, he finally managed to get his article published in an obscure book read only by researchers of medieval history.

At age 45 I was already internationally known in professional circles. Just recently I "Googled" myself and discovered that one of my articles from 25-years ago can be downloaded as a .pdf! I can still find my name listed in the index of certain books easily found on the shelf at any large bookstore.

I'm not trying to brag, I just wanted to point out that I am merely lucky in comparison to my poor father.

You do have to be careful, however, not to let your goals get in your way. I refer to the moon astronaut who committed suicide after returning to Earth. He couldn't handle returning to real life after the thrill of walking on the moon.

So just live your life as best you can. Seize opportunity and go as far as you can while you can.... And die happy.

Kangan (imported) wrote: Wed May 06, 2009 6:43 am So just live your life as best you can. Seize opportunity and go as far as you can while you can.... And die happy.

And leave a good looking corpse like I will!

Arab Nights (imported) wrote: Wed May 06, 2009 3:10 pm And leave a good looking corpse like I will!

I'd rather leave one that is wizened and used up. Perhaps I am simply penurious - need to get my money's worth....

Being just a tiny bit of topic....i believe that before we come down we make a deal with God as to the type of life we will have and what we will learn. Hear comes the off topic part...God also gives us some exit points along the way with the final exit point being mandatory! The earlier exit points only occur when you have achieved what you started out to do and learn.

I am currently caring for a gentleman who has lung cancer. He does not have much time. I have never met anyone quite like him. He is very prejudiced, chauvenistic and jealous. He lives a comfortable life. His daughter and her boyfriend are with him at night and I provide care through the days. He is not rich but comfortable.

He never says please or thank you. He holds up his coffee mug and grumbles coffee. Which is his way of asking for another cup. He has always done what he wanted to do and his wife did not always know how to contact him but he would be home at noon for lunch and dinner at 5. He was the king of his castle.

A local car dealership was forced to close and he was grinning when he talked about their loss. He delights in others failures. I do not know what has happened in his life to make him feel this way. I always try to put myself in the place of the person suffering the loss and share how that must feel. I think I take away his fun. When he talks about family it is always with him as the center. All his stories are about him as the main character.

He hates that the world is changing. He will not change with it. He misses the day where the white male was supreme. He is loathe to admit that people of all ethnic backgrounds and women have contributed greatly to the world. I have shared with him that I have great respect for women because my mother raised us with little or nothing from sperm donor dad. There are so many examples of his rigid thoughts regarding the sexes that I have neither the time nor the energy to type it all.

Everday that I sit across from him I try to bring light and joy into his life. I think he must wonder how I can be happy since I do not have all he has. Of course I am so much happier not for financial gains but the wealth of friends and what is truly important to me.

I wonder if as caregivers we should feel as responsible for the soul as we do the body. When he is ready to leave the physical earth I hope he can leave some of the hate and envy behind.

I'm not sure I believe in God, but I think that this comes down to a question of character or quality of soul. Those with a loving, giving soul, full of kindness and not judgemental tend to die well, whatever their religious beliefs or lack thereof. Bitter, hateful, judgemental people tend to die hard, no matter how certain they claim to be of their ultimate resurrection and salvation.

Transward

There is not always justice in this life.

Tugon, you, my friend are a beatutiful person.

Although money cannot buy happiness it can ease your suffering but certainly not ELIMINATE it.

Only YOU can do that.

Happiness is a decision that each of us make every time that we rise from sleep.

The trick is, once you have decided to be happy, you must be SO STRONG, that nobody or NOTHING can ever change your mind.

...

tugon (imported) wrote: Wed May 06, 2009 7:54 pm I hope he can leave some of the hate and envy behind.

The short answer is yes you do leave the petty human emotions behind.

The slightly longer answer is...IMO...if one is bitter, angry and not evil when one pass over you get wrapped up in a cocoon of God's love for a time (like a Caterpillar) and when it finally leaves your soul your released and turn into the equivalent of a beautiful butterfly except your still human.

I define evil as someone who does not feel guilty! You steel a candy bar and feel guilty the rest of your life, but do you think Charles Manson feels any guilt for having people murdered? No he does not! Evil souls do not go to heaven for they have turned there backs on God.