Subject: To the Guy who tried to mug me......

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your droopy pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of careers. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

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I hope this really happened

augman7518 (imported) wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2009 7:00 pm Subject: To the Guy who tried to mug me......

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your droopy pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of careers. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

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...you should of got a blowjob off the dude while you were at it! laugh:

chilli-

I don't know. It just sounds a little too much like a fanatical NRA member's wet dream.

Tramsward

I wish I had a girl (or boy) friend who could afford to buy me a $1000 Christmas present. (That's about the average price for one of those Kimber semi-autos.)

Should have had the bad man take off all of his clothes!

To the guy carrying the cross bow in the park;

When I ran up to you on the trail I'll never forget your huge childish grin. Their you stood in our public park, eyes fixed on me with a cross bow in hand. My first inclination was to run up rip it out of your hands, and yes beat you till the rage subsided. You see kung fu wouldn't save your ass. Normally I never would have thought about harming such a little man.

So I held up, stared right back and asked what the hell you were doing bringing a weapon into a public municipal park. "Hunting prey". Your stupid answer and now pychotic smeark didn't do much for me, see by this time I had steped toward you and collected some cover. If you raised your device it would be a lucky shot now. Your a bit old to be called a punk, but than age is nothing but a number. And I wasn't there to issue numbers, I wanted to administer the beating of a lifetime, you know go out in style. Yes beating your ass was gonna be a carreer ender for an old soldier. I'm sure the other judge would understand. And oh yes, back on the street, a punk ass like yourself would need a gun, being that no one has your back, punk.

So I asked you why you were there, and advised that carrying such a device was unlawfull. You felt like such a man, all confident and "well equipt". So confident that you kept advancing.

And then it happened. My intelligent normally gentle loving pitbull ran up. You see she is a bit slower, she takes her time, likes to meet people other dogs, whatever. Your energy was so bad, she immediately took a disliking. Her jaws are ten inches across, and while she was never bred to attack humans, the was bred to fight by/for humans. So now you stood there with two beings staring you down. I have to admit it was soothing to her Vanna growl. I'll bet you wished I had a gun, then it could have been painless.

No...Vanna made it quite clear that if you advanced further she was "going off". Not wanting to leave your carcus on the trail, or have my beloved doggy hurt(see Mickey Rourke), I gave you time to asses the situation. Wisely you put the weapon down. Your punny little legs trembled. Such a coward, but not completely stupid. For today you decided to live, and a dog mauling is an awful way to go. It really was Vanna's day!(I do miss her dearly)

So we started asking questions. Like "What the ##%^^ are you doing here?" and "Don't you know that women and elderly people have a right to this park also? Do you think you own the park? Maybe you think you built the park?

Oh yes you were a punk, back on the street you'd need to be armed just to cover your own back.

chilli-

IN MEMORY OF VANNA 55 LB WHITE FEMALE PITBULL 1992-2003. A MIND READER OF ALL, COMPANION TO MANY. A GENTLE BEING OF UNMATCHED TEMPERMANT, BEAUTY, AND GRACE. A FORCEFUL BEING IN OUR WORLD, SHE WAS TRULEY BLESSED AND BLESSED US ALL

chilliwilli (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 22, 2009 9:27 am No...Vanna made it quite clear that if you advanced further she was "going off". Not wanting to leave your carcus on the trail, or have my beloved doggy hurt(see Mickey Rourke), I gave you time to asses the situation. Wisely you put the weapon down. Your punny little legs trembled. Such a coward, but not completely stupid. For today you decided to live, and a dog mauling is an awful way to go. It really was Vanna's day!(I do miss her dearly)

So, Chilli, did this weaponized puke poop or piss in his panties?

Arab Nights (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 23, 2009 4:49 am So, Chilli, did this weaponized puke poop or piss in his panties?

AN-

Not sure...kinda embellished the story a bit:D

...Probably would have shit my pants if it weren't for Vanna though, and I do recall the little sick twerp slinking away.

chilli-