What makes a man seek castration? Why do some men follow through with it? What's inside the eunuch wannabee's mind that pushes him to get castrated? I've been self-analyzing myself to try to figure out why I had to become a eunuch. It is a mystery, can you help me solve it? Hash

I whish I knew as well

Speaking for myself (it's fantasy for me, not desire)..

All my life I've been fascinated with being turned into a female..not that I'm a real gender dysphoric, I don't feel like a woman trapped in a male body. I just fantasize about becoming female or feminized (breasts and the like). What if I woke up tomorrow with breasts and a vagina and could become pregnant?

I think eunuch is an off-shoot of that. What if I woke up without the little guys tomorrow..what would THAT feel like. After a month..a year..etc What would it be like to see and feel(?) my penis shrink over time. I don't have the penectomy fantasy that some do or desire..at least it's not losing willy and keeping the boys...I wonder about the nullo feeling..

WHY? The best reason I can tell for the female stuff, is because I think on some level it bothers me that I won't ever know what it truly feels like to be a fertile woman. By the same token, I won't ever get myself castrated (unless a health crisis dictates obviously)...so it is something I don't know and will never know what it feels like.

Batman

I think for each person there is a different story.

I think I know the ultimate underlying reason I have always desired to be physically castrated, although I went through various stages of "logical" justification.

First, after entering puberty I got kicked in the balls, as happens so often.

It wasn't an accident. Some mean bully did it "for fun" to pick on me.

Reason #1: Get rid of the damn balls and you will never suffer that kind of pain again.

Then, I developed horrible acne. Somewhere alone the way I "learned" that this was caused by masterbation. I beat off all the time when in puberty, 2,3,4 times a day. I never believed the "you will go blind" line of crap. Although my eyesight was, and is, so bad, I can't see anything clearly without my glasses.

Reason #2: Get rid of the damn balls and when you masterbate you won't get acne. (And maybe get better eye sight). Little did I know that castration would also eliminate masterbation.

Then, not far into puberty, probably because I was an ugly kid with thick glasses, buck teeth, and acne, I was shunned by all the girls and I began having sex with other boys. I was not the one to initiate this. A neighbor boy started it, but it was good, and one thing led to another. Thus, I "became" gay. Whether or not I was born gay, or just developed that way, I have no idea. Over time the thought of having straight sex was repulsive. But, being gay was a social no no. I loved gay sex, but I hated being gay.

Reason #3 for wanting to be castrated: Chop them off and I won't be gay anymore. There was no information available in those days about male sexuality, testicles, testosterone, hormones, etc. so I had no idea what the consequences would be from physical castration.

Time marches on. I'm still gay, and I have abused and tortured my testicles throughout my life. I love having them but I have a fixation about getting rid of them. I still want to be physically castrated I guess to be rid of them for once and for all; to kill my libido, to do what I wanted to do so very long ago and throughout my entire life.

I of course realize that this castration complex is out of the ordinary so I never talked about it with anyone, no way, no how. Which is why this place is such a wonderful outlet: to learn and to share, anonymously which is as much of a mental relief as ejaculation is a physical relief.

I do not want to get rid of my castration desires. I want to fulfill them.

I don't fear what biological changes will occur, I look forward to that.

My big fear is that when I finally do accomplish my lifelong goal will I feel fulfilled, relieved, accomplished and at ease. Like when you finally reached the end of the book, read the last page, there was nothing else to do but close the book and file it away, a job well done. But will I then feel like I need to move on to another book? Will something else develop that I must have. Castration is my only body modification desire. But once that has been accomplished will any deep seated and underlying psychological problems still be unfulfilled that might cause me to develop some new desire. I hope not.

I won't be able to face that fear until I finally reach the last chapter.

I do know I don't want to die until I finally do what I have always wanted to do; get castrated. Hard to say which will happen first.

But at least I am a castrate, so to speak. My T count is clinically low and my nuts are small, hard, and numb (because of years of abuse). So I feel as though I have half way accomplished my goal.

At least I don't hurt anyone else, by telling them, or by doing anything to them. I live a straight looking straight acting life. Once people learn I am gay they can't believe it. Little do they know I am also a eunuch wannabee. I want to keep my friends, so nobody who knows me will ever know of that desire.

That's my story, the whole story. Visiting this web site has actually helped me to think these things through and come to admit stuff I never actively thought of or would admit to myself (or to the message board). Earlier on when using the message board I wasn't completely honest; not to deceive, but I didn't want to be honest even to strangers. I suppose there may be more stuff hiding from me, and me from it, but I came out as much as I can this time.

What's your story?

Wow nullorchis, that's quite a story. I was battered by bullies in grade school and high school started out the same way, though I had a "Ralphie" like episode (The Christmas Story) that kept the bullies away and gave me more confidence. I think I started to have more castration fantasies after I was married, but my wife was not demeaning. She has never treated me like Oswald's wife (Kennedy assassin - read his life story). That's another reason why my castration desire is a mystery, though I think it might have something to do with a stress outlet. Still looking for answers. Hash

..............

Hash (imported) wrote: Sat Nov 08, 2008 6:04 pm I think I started to have more castration fantasies after I was married, .................



. Still looking for answers. Hash

There you go. You found your answer. You got married. That will surely do it. If you don't really crave and enjoy hetro-sex, gettin rid of the family jewels will solve that issue.



Elsewhere I have posted that perhaps our tiny tots are trying to escape and they are sending glandular messages to us in an attempt to help them get out.

Or it could be that they are suicidal but don't have the balls to kill themselves so they are trying to get us to help them do it.

I wonder about the heterosexual man,

seeking surgery and wishing to remain

heterosexual.

Is it all about giving up ladies ? Or somewhat ?

Hash (imported) wrote: Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:42 pm What makes a man seek castration? Why do some men follow through with it? What's inside the eunuch wannabee's mind that pushes him to get castrated? I've been self-analyzing myself to try to figure out why I had to become a eunuch. It is a mystery, can you help me solve it? Hash

Hash, this question was fresh on my mind tonight, low and behold you have a topic on it.

As i was showering after masturbating tonight i caught thought of what my body has become. Then i began to contemplate why i had done what i have done. Why did i have my testis removed?

The reasons are many. I wanted not to become more than i already was. The thought of being a gay man scared me. I am not that and never felt that i was. In a way i hope to stay forever young. At a young age i began attracting much older men, who would pursue me for sex. I liked the attention, yet as time passed i started to ponder why men had sought me for sex alone. one of the reasons i came up with was my genitals. so i thought to have them removed.

Is anyone feeding this poor child yet?!?!

The majority of the reason that I sought castration was religious. Here I was Gay and I was a real Christian. Those two things are like opposites. So many Christians feel that homosexuality is a learned trait and can be changed. How wrong. Either you are Gay or you aren't. So somehow, I new I had to make my peace with God. And my way of making my peace with God was to become a Eunuch. I no longer have a sex drive. I am no wanting sex with anyone. The act of sexuality is like a foreign thing to me now. I am content and happy to love everyone. Psychologically, I am so much more at peace with others now. God is still #1 in my life. My life is so much more relaxed now.