Hi, I am new here. I have an issue where my wife of 20 years has seen her libido more or less shut down in the last couple of years. We're both 50. I have always had a strong libido except during a brief bout of illness.

I am extremely frustrated over this. While she still lets me "have her way with her" about once a week, it is extremely unsatisfying and ego-destroying. My wife is otherwise healthy, athletic, and still sexually attractive to me.

For religious reasons, sex outside our marriage is not possible. For the same reason, castration, which is seen as a form of mutilation in a healthy male, isn't either, although that's ultimately what I would like to pursue. But since I have a normal libido, I have turned to porn and frequent masturbation to cope.

Moreover from what I read here, a "test drive" in the form of chemical castration is warranted before doing something irreversible.

I guess I am wondering if I should attempt chemical castration; preferably with my wife's blessing. I can use Androcur, I am not in the US so it is available here.

I've done a lot of reading around on this board... in fact for months before screwing up the courage to post. From what I understand, Androcur dosage requirements will vary from person to person, and so too will the effects.

I basically want to shut down my libido. Completely. I don't care if I can never have an erection again, in fact I would prefer that. I suspect that would please my wife as well. I understand that if on rare occasions she would need "it", Caverject might work. Note that the illness I alluded to earlier did result in a mild degree of erectile dysfunction although I can usually still achieve penetration; my penis has shrunk from about 6" erect to 4.5" when it is as hard as it can still get.

What isn't clear to me from the board is whether I will experience further shrinkage (good).

I guess I am looking for support from the community here. I am 100% heterosexual, but would like to become 0% sexual, or certainly no more than maybe 10 or 20%.

Do you think going on a course of Androcur first as a test drive would help? I am thinking 200 mg starting dose then 50 mg once castrated, as maintenance. How long would I have to stay at 200? I have some liver worries because of the past illness.

Would I achieve the desired major reduction in libido and potency?

One big worry I have, is that I am an avid cyclist, and typically do long fast rides. I don't compete, but I would hate to lose the ability to cycle or keep up others on a ride. I am concerned about muscle mass, strength and endurance loss.

These last few years have caused me to build up a lot of frustration and anger, I would like to see some calm restored to my life, and the obsession with sex shut down.

Please help!

John

If you are set on a course of Androcur, since you are in a place where it is prescribable, please do so under the direction of a physician. Definitely do a "test run" before doing anything else.

First, though, I would strongly recommend that your wife undergo a full physical, including hormonal. She may have a physical issue with her sex drive. Perhaps also a counseling session or two might be in order. It is not uncommon for sex drives to vary in a relationship - exploration of all the alternatives is preferable to any precipitous action. OTOH, if you are interested in castration, and like some, use the wife as a justification, explore yourself, and your needs before action.

Kristoff speaks truth in his post. You should take his words to heart.

Speed

Thanks. I should perhaps fill in a few blanks. The first is concerning

SexlessC23 (imported) wrote: Thu Oct 09, 2008 2:53 pm the illness I alluded to earlier.

It was a metabolic disorder, since successfully treated and corrected. One of the effects of that disorder, is hypogonadism. In the year or two prior to diagnosis, I gradually lost sexual function, my testes and penis shrank, and I lost most of my libido. Moreover, I lost considerable erectile function, to the point where I had NO nocturnal erections, and stimulated erections were very weak making intercourse either very difficult or impossible and when possible, not very pleasurable for either party. I also lost a lot of penile sensitivity. I'm sure some of you here recognize those symptoms

I got lucky and was diagnosed, by fluke, before the damage became permanent (most men are diagnosed when it is too late as the testes are gradually destroyed, as well as other organ systems; left untreated the disorder is invariably fatal). Most of the changes have been reversed: my libido returned to normal (verified by measured testosterone levels and my own experience), my erections have improved (I get night erections again, though I have not recovered full erectile ability, only about 80%, and still sometimes need erectile aids to "perform" adequately or maintain an erection). One thing that did not improve is penile size, I lost about 1.5" of erect length and that appears permanent.

In short, I found the hypogonadal state very much to my liking, it was calm, I loved not waking up in the morning with a painful hard-on, and especially, being able to relate to women as persons and not objects of sexual desire. Another blank to fill in: I have a mild degree of gender identity issues (took the SAGE test), and have always been ambivalent about my genitals. My wife is aware of these issues though they bother her very much. I found that when I had a fulfilling sex life, those issues were kept very much below the surface. Now that my sex life is very unsatisfactory, they are resurfacing. I expect or rather hope that with no sex drive, these feelings will soften like my erections

My wife is probably starting menopause, but she's an "all natural" sort of girl and made it clear she will let nature take its course and will not do anything to soften the changes (such as hormones) including changes to her sex drive. So I have to swallow my lumps. And I have no desire to go outside my marriage.

Hence the test drive for castration. I should also point out that medical supervision won't be a problem: my wife is a physician and in fact was the one who diagnosed my disorder. I hope to get the courage to bring this up and ask for a prescription for Androcur, and also appropriate tests to ensure that I don't have any problems.

I just want to add my two cents and Echo Sister Kristner. Find out what is going on with your wife first. If she is simply in menopause ask about bioidentical hormone replacement. If she becomes more sexually active then one of your problems is solved.

You will probably notice that she will feel better. Less anxiety, depressions, mood swings. Hot flashes etc etc etc.

If on the other hand you join her I think that regardless of you being able to notice it the quality of your life may well degrade. At low levels I felt a lot of anger, depression like symptoms, mood swings, lack of energy in short I would wake up and say "Oh, not another day of THIS!"

Don't self medicate whatever you do. Speak to a doctor. If your getting erections that are painful seek medical help.

My wife and I are both on HRT and life is Goooooood!:D

I agree wholeheartedly with MRT. Your wife's doctor should actually be prescribing hormones, and I'd suggest Estratest which is both estrogen and a small about of testosterone. If your wife loves you, I'd suggest you encourage her to go to counseling, if she doesn't, you could tell her that her lack of response is causing you to think sexually about other women, that might cause some sparks initially, but it may also change her thinking. Regarding castration, yes try chemical first, if your wife is unmovable. I have a friend who's about 54 and his wife is 60. She lost her libido too and it's caused them a lot of problems in their relationship. She isn't doing anything either, shame. Well that's my two cents!

I've been the route of asking her to assess why she has no libido. She refuses any kind of HRT; she acknowledges she has no interest in sex. She is moreover a physician herself (physician: heal thyself...). She believes that HRT has more drawbacks than benefits based on her practice.

To be frank, the loss of my libido would not be a great tragedy to me. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. There are many other interesting things to do in life.

...

SexlessC23 (imported) wrote: Fri Oct 10, 2008 12:31 pm To be frank, the loss of my libido would not be a great tragedy to me. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. There are many other interesting things to do in life.

My observation is that the usual reason a woman really looses her libido. She comes to the conclusion that there are more important things to do in life and puts sexual pleasure last on the list if at all. I've seen it time and time again with many couples. They also start to avoid all kinds of physical intimacy since they believe that a man cannot engage in physical intimacy without wanting it to end in a sex act. A shame really. Physical intimacy especially leading to an orgasm can be so satisfying, positive, and healthful.

SexlessC23 (imported) wrote: Fri Oct 10, 2008 12:31 pm I've been the route of asking her to assess why she has no libido. She refuses any kind of HRT; she acknowledges she has no interest in sex. She is moreover a physician herself (physician: heal thyself...). She believes that HRT has more drawbacks than benefits based on her practice.

To be frank, the loss of my libido would not be a great tragedy to me. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. There are many other interesting things to do in life.

I don't know if this applies or would help, but there have been lots of studies in recent years where a small amount of Testosterone gets women's libidos up and running again. It wouldn't be the same deal as HRT in the traditional sense.

Batman

Maybe I can slip some into her tea

Coinflipper is right, I can't get so much as a hug out of my wife. The only intimacy she allows is a quickie maybe once a week or if I'm lucky, twice. I was even told during more than one time to "hurry up and get it over with". Didn't do much for me I must admit.

I long to actually make love to her, you know, where both are satisfied. Except it's now, "I long to make love to a woman". Any woman. It's a longing that is sure to get me into trouble as I am a lousy liar.