I have an extremely frustrating/troublesome problem with my sexuality that I was curious if anyone else is familiar with. As a gay guy, I am probably every straight man's nightmare, in that I develop almost irresistible crushes on straight guys. Perhaps it's the 'forbidden fruit' theory, or the 'fear of commitment' theory that causes this, but it is driving me CRAZY!

I know virtually every gay man has had a crush on a straight guy at one time or another, but I'm talking about almost exclusive crushes on straight guys. There is a straight guy that I've known for 10 years, who is married and is now a Methodist minister, and I'm crazy in love with him (in a total fantasy way, of course, I've never done anything with the guy). It's just that he is so sweet, and nice, gentle and thoughtful -- UGG, I can't stand being this way.

Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone out there shares my misery.

MyWorld.

Here we go with more traumas of tugon. I to spent many years interested in straight men. I was always looking for a man whom I could please and he would not want to please me but would be kind and we would be friends. I now know childhood trauma kept me from wanting a mutually satisfying relationship. This of course may not apply to you but I was afraid of being with a gay man because I did not want someone who wanted to please me. I hope with your involvement with the EA you can sort out your avoidance of gay men. There are some very loving and kind ones out there.

Well, I don't think gay has anything to do with it...

As a straight man, I'm currently in a sort of emotional affair with a woman online who is happily married and will likely never get to meet. However we chat online 12+ hours each week for the last 6 weeks...frustrating and fulfilling at the same time.

Batman

MyWorld08 (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 29, 2008 6:13 pm I have an extremely frustrating/troublesome problem with my sexuality that I was curious if anyone else is familiar with. As a gay guy, I am probably every straight man's nightmare, in that I develop almost irresistible crushes on straight guys. Perhaps it's the 'forbidden fruit' theory, or the 'fear of commitment' theory that causes this, but it is driving me CRAZY!

I know virtually every gay man has had a crush on a straight guy at one time or another, but I'm talking about almost exclusive crushes on straight guys. There is a straight guy that I've known for 10 years, who is married and is now a Methodist minister, and I'm crazy in love with him (in a total fantasy way, of course, I've never done anything with the guy). It's just that he is so sweet, and nice, gentle and thoughtful -- UGG, I can't stand being this way.

Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone out there shares my misery.

MyWorld.

I am a bisexual male, and I honestly believe that we ALL of us have had some sudden imfatuation and even long term crushes on people who are clearly not going to have any interest back in us. It is only natural in my opinion, perhaps not convenient to have your emotions and passions pulling you every which way, but that is just the nature of being a human. It would be OH SO convenient if we could totally control our emotions, but then they would not be the wild, untamed, wonderfully creative aspect of our personality.

By the way, you are NOT "

MyWorld08 (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 29, 2008 6:13 pm every straight man's nightmare,

" au contraire, you are a straight man's wet dream. Believe me, I know, there was a time when I was "staight" (or at least I acted very straight and homophobic) and even though I pretended to be disgusted with the thought of homosexuality, there was always that voice in the back of my head telling me that I did in fact have some strong attraction to other males.

While most "straight" men will strongly reject any homosexual advances, there is no denying that ANY sexual advance is a serious ego booster for a man.

I really would never want to tell anyone else how to handle their personal life (my own is very fouled up so I am not one to give advice here) but I sort of feel that when someone really strikes you in the heart, even if there is no possibility of them ever being interested in you, you still sort of have an obligation to tell them that they are for some reason or another very attractive. I don't mean like any vulgar or trashy comment or anything like that, and certainly not a pushy advance with some "try it you'll like it" line, nothing like that, but you should let the object of you affection at least know that something about him (or her) is exceptional and outstanding.

So I say that it is all quite natural, and if anything you should be proud of the fact that you at least HAVE passions, love and feelings. Those passions for now at least are not tamed, and I wish I still had my wild passions like you do. Enjoy those feelings, even the frustrating times, at least you are alive and you can still feel alive.

DeaconBlues (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 29, 2008 10:42 pm I am a bisexual male, and I honestly believe that we ALL of us have had some sudden imfatuation and even long term crushes on people who are clearly not going to have any interest back in us. It is only natural in my opinion, perhaps not convenient to have your emotions and passions pulling you every which way, but that is just the nature of being a human. It would be OH SO convenient if we could totally control our emotions, but then they would not be the wild, untamed, wonderfully creative aspect of our personality.

By the way, you are NOT "

[quote="MyWorld08 (imported)" t

DeaconBlues (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 29, 2008 10:42 pm ime=1222675980]
every straight man's nightmare,

" au contraire, you are a straight man's wet dream. Believe me, I know, there was a time when I was "staight" (or at least I acted very straight and homophobic) and even though I pretended to be disgusted with the thought of homosexuality, there was always that voice in the back of my head telling me that I did in fact have some strong attraction to other males.

While most "straight" men will strongly reject any homosexual advances, there is no denying that ANY sexual advance is a serious ego booster for a man.

I really would never want to tell anyone else how to handle their personal life (my own is very fouled up so I am not one to give advice here) but I sort of feel that when someone really strikes you in the heart, even if there is no possibility of them ever being interested in you, you still sort of have an obligation to tell them that they are for some reason or another very attractive. I don't mean like any vulgar or trashy comment or anything like that, and certainly not a pushy advance with some "try it you'll like it" line, nothing like that, but you should let the object of you affection at least know that something about him (or her) is exceptional and outstanding.

So I say that it is all quite natural, and if anything you should be proud of the fact that you at least HAVE passions, love and feelings. Those passions for now at least are not tamed, and I wish I still had my wild passions like you do. Enjoy those feelings, even the frustrating ti
[/quote]
mes, at least you are alive and you can still feel alive.

hi deacon interesting post but i have to disagree with you on the part about it being every straight mans wet dream. You're right it is not our worst nightmare and but it is not our wet dream. When i was 19 i worked with a gay kid and we became friends we got along well and all. but he asked me to prom and i had to say no. here is why it is not desirable for a straight man to be crushed on by a gay guy. people start to talk about it. and in a workplace rumor mill "jason asked randy to prom" becomes "randy asked jason to prom" then "randy went to prom with jason" and not long after that "randy is gay."

each man has his own hangups on why he wouldn't want to be questioned as being gay. His pastor because he has a reputation to uphold in his church and to his wife. 19 year old me--- because it would get in the way of my fishing in the company pond.

You are not alone in having problems with "crushes." I've been banned from fishing at my favorite spot many times....

I have been going to a nearby clinic and my case worker there named Tom (not real name) and he is very, very nice! I have dropped all sorts of hints, but alas he is straight...

Another time at the grocery store this gorgeous male from eastern Europe, and I would always pick what ever lane he was working at (no matter how long the line )

Hey guys, thanks for all the insight and encouragement. Maybe one day I'll have the guts to tell other guys that I care about them, or that they are special. For now, I suffer in silence. They guy I know who is a minister, I certainly used to talk to him a lot before he was married, so I hope he at lease knows that I 'like' him. I was even invited to his wedding, and I went. But after that, I was so downhearted, I have stopped emailing/writing him. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years, now.

Not to worry, there are plenty of other straight guys in my office to begin obsessing over. It IS unfortunate that we can't control our emotions and decide who we are going to fall in love with. Maybe that is why I just want to turn those emotions off, not forever, but a long time.

Anyway, thanks again for all the feedback.

MyWorld08 (imported) wrote: Thu Oct 02, 2008 2:19 am Hey guys, thanks for all the insight and encouragement. Maybe one day I'll have the guts to tell other guys that I care about them, or that they are special. For now, I suffer in silence. They guy I know who is a minister, I certainly used to talk to him a lot before he was married, so I hope he at lease knows that I 'like' him. I was even invited to his wedding, and I went. But after that, I was so downhearted, I have stopped emailing/writing him. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years, now.

Not to worry, there are plenty of other straight guys in my office to begin obsessing over. It IS unfortunate that we can't control our emotions and decide who we are going to fall in love with. Maybe that is why I just want to turn those emotions off, not forever, but a long time.

Anyway, thanks again for all the feedback.

Take care of yourself. I think most of us have had or have crushes we cannot share. Thanks for the thread.

MyWorld08 (imported) wrote: Thu Oct 02, 2008 2:19 am Hey guys, thanks for all the insight and encouragement. Maybe one day I'll have the guts to tell other guys that I care about them, or that they are special. For now, I suffer in silence. They guy I know who is a minister, I certainly used to talk to him a lot before he was married, so I hope he at lease knows that I 'like' him. I was even invited to his wedding, and I went. But after that, I was so downhearted, I have stopped emailing/writing him. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years, now.

Not to worry, there are plenty of other straight guys in my office to begin obsessing over. It IS unfortunate that we can't control our emotions and decide who we are going to fall in love with. Maybe that is why I just want to turn those emotions off, not forever, but a long time.

Anyway, thanks again for all the feedback.

I'm hardly qualified to make any kind of diagnosis but you may have some form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that makes a normanl infatuation into something very uncomfortable for you. Prozac DOES help many people a great deal with OCD (do your research as I'm not a medical practitioner).

Good luck, Ramses