justpaul (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:29 am Q: What does a blonde woman do after she sucks a cock?

A: Spits out the feathers.

Q: What is every blonde Japanese girl's favorite holiday?

A: Erection day.

Q: What is a smart blonde commonly called?

A: A golden retriever.

Q: What does a smart blonde have in common with UFOs?

A: You often hear about them, but no one has ever seen one.

Q: Why do blondes always smile reflexively during lightning?

A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: What did the intelligent blonde say when she saw a YMCA?

A: Look, they spelled "Macy's" wrong!

Q: What are the first two things that a blonde does every morning?

A1: She introduces herself.

A2: She goes home.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

A: Sometimes the legs of the ironing board are hard to open up.

One blonde was instructing another in the art of fellatio. Blonde 2 ventured,

"I wonder how long dicks should be sucked."

"That's easy!" said Blonde 1, "The same as the short ones!"

Q: What's the difference in a blonde and a redhead?

A1: About 25 IQ points.

A2: One is a dumb fuck and the other is a wicked fuck.

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: None. They are all true stories.

Q: Why do blondes wear a ponytail?

A: To hide the valve stem.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's IQ?

A: With a tire gauge.

Q: How can you tell a smart blonde from a dumb blonde?

A: The smart blondes have dark roots.

Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?

A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?

A: The blonde has the higher total sperm count.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: A refund.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?

A: You can only fit two people in a Porsche.

Q: What do blondes and doors have in common?

A: The harder you slam them, the looser they get.

Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out?

A: If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. They screw in cars.

Q: How can you tell if the nurse is a blonde?

A: She can make a patient without disturbing the bed.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: What do blondes and the bermuda triangle have in common?

A: They both swallow alot of "seamen."

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?

A: Tits Go In Front.

Q: Why does a blonde always drive a BMW?

A: Because they can spell it.

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?

A1: Has that blonde gone yet?

A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?

A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?

A: Remove their underwear.

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?

A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: Why don't blondes like vibrators?

A: They chip their teeth.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?

A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." [Depending on your viewpoint.]

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of her head?

A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?

A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A1: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

A2: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: When does a brunette have half a brain?

A: After a dye job.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from her job as an elevator

operator?

A: No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't learn the route.

A blonde just got married and decided to fuck the brains

out of her new husband on their first night together. She put on

her sexiest negligee, crawled into bed with him, and snuggled up.

But nothing happened.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I can't have sex...it's Lent."

"Lent? To whom and for how long?"

A blonde went into the employment agency to get a job. She met with

one of the clerks, who helped by beginning to fill in her application.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Buffy Smith," she answered.

"No, no, I mean your whole name."

"Vagina."

One friend in a bar asked another, "So, how did you do with that blonde

you took home last night."

"Terrible. She had the biggest cunt I've ever seen."

"So, what did you do?"

"Not much I could do. I just threw in a quarter, made a wish, and

sent her home."

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short mini skirts?

A: Cause their balls show!

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their sexlives:

Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you meant with one guy?

Q: Have you heard about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?

A: He wanted to know who the other man was...

There once was a typical blonde. She had long, blonde hair,

blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes.

So one day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and

dyed her hair black. She also went out and bought a new

convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a

man standing in a field with a bunch of animals.

"That's a nice flock of sheep, Mr. Sheepherder!" She said.

"Well, thank you," he answered.

"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you." Said the

woman.

"Let's hear it."

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can

I have one to take home?" asked the woman.

"Sure." was his reply.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and

concentrated all her mathematical skills, then guessed "382."

"Wow!" Said the shepherd. "That is exactly right! Go

ahead and pick out whichever sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Then, the rancher said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you."

"What is it?" queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my

dog back?"

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

Did you hear about the blonde who was deathly afraid of flies until

the first day that she opened one?

Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend told her he loved her?

A: She believed him.

Q: What is the main difference between a blonde and a Rolls Royce?

A: Not everyone has been in a Rolls Royce.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

A: Because they can't even keep two calves together.

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?

A: "Have another beer."

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?

A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

A: Her ankles.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress

(reading her nametag) ?

A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: Why did the banker take the blonde teller into the bank vault?

A: For safe sex.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A: A golden retriever.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a blonde?

A: A 200% chance of getting screwed.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?

A: All the rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

A2: Don't tell her to swallow.

A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last

night gave you a good blow-job?

A: The bedsheets are sucked up your ass.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?

A: Marriage.

Q: When is the only time a blonde says anything intelligent?

A: When she is talking about what her husband said.

The hotel manager found a beautiful blonde maid looking

rather guilty. "What is the matter, my dear?"

"Well, the man in room 1210 called down for room service,

and I was sent up to his room. I walked in. He took one look at

me, tore all my clothes off, and brutally horse fucked me right on

the floor."

"Oh," consoled the manager, "you must be feeling terrible."

"I am. I never even found out what it was he wanted."

Firing guns as they entered, two robbers entered a bank and

announced a stickup. They ordered everyone in the bank to disrobe

completely and lie face down on the floor.

One blonde teller was not only nervous, but traditionally

made many mistakes. After taking off her clothes, she lay down on

the floor face up.

One of her fellow tellers next to her hissed, "Roll over,

Buffy! This is a robbery, not the office party!"

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?

A: They can't find the zipper.

A blonde was walking down a dark alley one night when a

mugger jumped out of a doorway and demanded all her money. "But I

don't have any money," she said.

"Don't lie to me! I know you must have some on you

somewhere. Where is it, in your bra?" said the robber as he

began frisking her all over. He paid particular attention to the

very full looking and understandably therefore suspect bra. As a

matter of fact, he groped her breasts for a prolonged period,

finding nothing. Well, no money, anyway.

"I told you I didn't have any money," the blonde smiled,

"but if you promise to keep that up for another ten minutes, I'll

write you a check for any amount you want."

Q: What’s the smartest thing ever to come out of a blonde's mouth?

A: Albert Einstein’s dick.

Q: What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?

A: A padded dash.

Q: Why do blondes insist that their partners use condoms during sex?

A: Doggie bag.

Q: Why do all blondes have lipstick on their steering wheels?

A: From blowing their horns.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?

A:"I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?

A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?

A: She realized she had given her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?

A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?

A1: The blonde.

A2: All the other guys awaiting their turn.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?

A: "Nice tits!"

A blonde walked into a hardware store, picked up the hinges she was

looking for, and went to go pay for them. The clerk asked her, "Need a

screw for those hinges?"

"No, but how about a blow job for the shovel in the back?"

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her driver's license?

A: Because she got an "F" in sex.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?

A: Because they can't get their heads into the jar.

Q: Why can't a blonde die in her sleep?

A: Because blondes can't do two things at once.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?

A1:Blow in her ear.

A2:Buy her another beer.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die?

A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?

A: Once they're on their backs, they're fucked.

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?

A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)

A2: By doing the splits.

Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?

A: She can't say "No".

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to her left leg?

A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?

A: The back of her head.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a brunette?

A: A brunette is looking for Mr. Right. A blonde is looking for Mr. Right Now.

Q: What did the blonde's dentist find?

A: Teeth in the cavity.

A blonde was brushing her teeth and flossing in front of the

bathroom mirror, when she noticed that her gums had started bleeding.

"Thank God!" she exclaimed. "Safe for another month!"