Many of us ' Old Folks' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals.

2. Spiked hair and bald spots.

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Mini skirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. Inline skates and a walker

And last , but not least

13. Thongs and Depends

Don't spoil the fun of gerontophiles!

Thongs and Depends indeed! You've stopped preaching and gone to meddling!. Oh, that one is for David Vitter, okay, got it.

Now this may dispel any semblance of normalcy I may have had, but... miniskirts and support hose are a definite turn-on.

Hey! At fifty this makes me feel pretty young afterall. Have none of those problems. Only thing is that I have to now explore life at less than 38 carbs a day. OUCH!!!

God I'm hungry.