"Why Yoli Shot The Clock", a stirring Texiz tale.
Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:12 am
Yoli here,
Here it is, almost 4AM. Guess who's going fishing!
Before I leave I want to confess to a rare but, some might say, heinous crime. I used a gun to commit the offense too!
Y'seeeee, Ash(leigh) and I had this huge and ugly grandfather clock in our little nest. It was a gift from one of her relatives, now deceased, and we felt obliged to keep it so long as said relative drew breath.
This clock had a chime that was the most irritating I've ever heard and when it sounded off late at night it sometimes startled the pewp (female equivalent of "poop") out of us, especially if we'd watched some creepy movie before going to bed. In the six years we had the cursed thing we never got accustomed to it.
Sooooo...Ash(leigh) and I got up at 5AM yesterday, wrestled the beast into the Hummer, then Ash(leigh) returned to bed as I put my pet deer rifle into the vehicle and hightailed it all the way to the ranch.
Once at the ranch, three hours later, I drove to a small pasture that had a hill mass on one side, dragged the clock out and stood it upright just where the ground (See: Rocks) started to rise, and then drove about 150 yards and took up a position that would assure that bullets would impact the hillside (and the damned clock!)
As I was loading my rifle the ranch foreman rode up on horseback and asked "Wot de fock are joo doing, Mees Yolanda?" I replied "Watch this!" and drilled a round into the clock, at about 3 on the dial. He was stunned, and his horse, "Guerilla" was a bit taken aback...about ten feet, in fact...suddenly.
I invited him to take a shot and handed my rifle up to him. He put one almost dead center in the dial.
By the time we'd used up the 20 rounds of ammunition I'd brought for the rifle, and a dozen or so rounds of 45 caliber pistol ammo (his), the clock was a shattered wreck.
Yes, the grandfather clock, and a rather valuable old one it was, has gone to the afterlife where, I hope, it has joined it's donor and is making her eternity a living Hell!
True story and not one intended to upset clock fanciers or antique aficionados.
Well, the boat is already hitched. My tackle and snacks are packed. My partner for the day just called (to Ash[leigh]'s annoyance) to confirm that he's running on schedule so...Off I go! Look out, Bass!
As ever, your loving Yoli
Here it is, almost 4AM. Guess who's going fishing!
Before I leave I want to confess to a rare but, some might say, heinous crime. I used a gun to commit the offense too!
Y'seeeee, Ash(leigh) and I had this huge and ugly grandfather clock in our little nest. It was a gift from one of her relatives, now deceased, and we felt obliged to keep it so long as said relative drew breath.
This clock had a chime that was the most irritating I've ever heard and when it sounded off late at night it sometimes startled the pewp (female equivalent of "poop") out of us, especially if we'd watched some creepy movie before going to bed. In the six years we had the cursed thing we never got accustomed to it.
Sooooo...Ash(leigh) and I got up at 5AM yesterday, wrestled the beast into the Hummer, then Ash(leigh) returned to bed as I put my pet deer rifle into the vehicle and hightailed it all the way to the ranch.
Once at the ranch, three hours later, I drove to a small pasture that had a hill mass on one side, dragged the clock out and stood it upright just where the ground (See: Rocks) started to rise, and then drove about 150 yards and took up a position that would assure that bullets would impact the hillside (and the damned clock!)
As I was loading my rifle the ranch foreman rode up on horseback and asked "Wot de fock are joo doing, Mees Yolanda?" I replied "Watch this!" and drilled a round into the clock, at about 3 on the dial. He was stunned, and his horse, "Guerilla" was a bit taken aback...about ten feet, in fact...suddenly.
I invited him to take a shot and handed my rifle up to him. He put one almost dead center in the dial.
By the time we'd used up the 20 rounds of ammunition I'd brought for the rifle, and a dozen or so rounds of 45 caliber pistol ammo (his), the clock was a shattered wreck.
Yes, the grandfather clock, and a rather valuable old one it was, has gone to the afterlife where, I hope, it has joined it's donor and is making her eternity a living Hell!
True story and not one intended to upset clock fanciers or antique aficionados.
Well, the boat is already hitched. My tackle and snacks are packed. My partner for the day just called (to Ash[leigh]'s annoyance) to confirm that he's running on schedule so...Off I go! Look out, Bass!
As ever, your loving Yoli
