Healthy, Borderline and Unhealthy, and The Art of Accepting Limits

[JoaoGenerico (imported)]

Missed you, the posts and the stories !

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I suffer from bipolar disease, and one of the most difficult tricks of keeping it under control is detecting the difference between what I should label "acceptable" mood fluctuations, even if they are intense (e.g., I'm very sad because I've lost my job, or very happy because I've found a new one) and the "patological" ones (I am sad for no reason, I am much too sad because of a minor thing, I am overexcited for days and getting exhausted). It is much more difficult than it seems...

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Now, what about fetishes? How do you, personally decide your borders? What consists for you an acceptable part of your sexual identity and what becomes pathological paraphilia? Do you take in consideration the opinion of other people? A doctor? Some close friend you trust?

[Kangan (imported)]

That is a good question. When one is caught up in a pathological paraphilia (as I was once upon a time), you lose sight of reality. That is until you are caught and sitting in the Police Station being interviewed by the detective! That is when you discover there is a problem - and the problem is YOU!

Now after getting therapy, you learn how to recognize the symptoms, and to deal with them so as to prevent a recurrance. But this takes time.

[ramses (imported)]

I think if you just follow a simple checklist, it would help a lot.

1. Is it illegal?

2. Is it consensual?

3. Does it hurt me emotionally or financially?

4. Is it damaging to my relationships with others?

5. Is it unacceptably dangerous or unhealthy?

6. Does it cause me to feel regret or remorse afterward?

These would be good questions to ask yourself to asses if you are doing something unhealthy. I'm not a professional so if someone disagrees or has more input, please do so!

[Kangan (imported)]

I think if you just follow a simple checklist, it would help a lot.

1. Is it illegal?

2. Is it consensual?

3. Does it hurt me emotionally or financially?

4. Is it damaging to my relationships with others?

5. Is it unacceptably dangerous or unhealthy?

6. Does it cause me to feel regret or remorse afterward?

These would be good questions to ask yourself to assess if you are doing something unhealthy. I'm not a professional so if someone disagrees or has more input, please do so!

In my case, there was some conflict between those questions, since (1.) it was illegal per the Law, but (2) definitely consensual despite the "victim's" age. The other questions were moot.

If it had been a different jurisdiction, it wouldn't have been illegal. (Side note: find out where the age of "consent" is the lowest.)

In the end it was definitely damaging to my pocketbook (3.), and it certainly caused plenty of remorse (6.), but this was all after the fact.