I have been given an offer to join this community that I simply cannot refuse.

The offer is by Mother Nature, and the bit about being unable to refuse is a reference to "The Godfather". "Tell him either his brains, or his signature will be on that contract."

I would really prefer not, but my preference is of little import.

I have prostate cancer.

I intend to attack it aggressively. Surgical removal of the prostate, radical orchiectomy. Hormone therapy.

I have been reading posts and referenced articles, and I am already feeling better about how to deal with it.

I am changing Urologists, because the first one blind-sided me with the biopsy. I thought I was coming back for a consultation, when the nurse told me to get ready for the biopsy by dropping trou and underwear. In the follow-up interview the next week, he proudly mentioned that when he palpated my prostate, there was an unevenness and almost always, it was cancer. He knew at the end of the first exam that he was going to do the biopsy.

Had he bothered to ask, I would have readily agreed. I won't mess around with cancer. I probably would have moved the date up to get it over with sooner.

Instead, he led me on by saying we were going to talk about it.

I don't want to learn what other decisions he might make without bothering to tell me,

My life is going to change.

Part of my purpose here is to learn what I can do to preserve my masculinity, as I lose some unnecessary organs. I am in my fifties, and have had a vasectomy. Sterility is not an issue.

The rest of the purpose is to talk about it, and roll it over. It is not really the kind of conversation you strike up in a locker room at my local YMCA.

There would be unpleasant consequences for turning to some stranger after a shower and saying "Oh by the way. Have you ever been castrated? Would you like to be? What are your thoughts on it? Maybe we could go get a cup of coffee and talk about it."

I am happily married, but the cancer has pretty much killed my libido already. My sex drive has gone to nearly zero over the last four years. My wife is understandably upset about it.

That is most of the bad news. The good news is that it is prostate cancer, usually slow-growing. Prospects are pretty good for someone with my level. Black-mole melanoma, by contrast, is just a death sentence.

I have a great deal to live for, and I am single-mindedly obstinate about going forward.

I have read the posts on the other threads in this forum and am quite grateful for the references and articles. I have already done a lot of research, but this is the first place where it seemed to be all pulled together in an understandable whole.

To those of you that are maintaining all of this, Thank you.

Welcome Joe-

You seem like the right man for the job at hand. I empathize with your situation and I envy your resolve. Best wished for a speedy recovery. The people here are AMAZING and will happily help you in any way they can.

Chin up!

Welcome to the EA and your positive attitude will serve you well. As you already know you must take control over your healthcare. There are many who can help and lots of great knowledge on this site. Feel free to share here.

Hello and welcome aboard. I hope to be reading many postings from you.

While being diagnosed with cancer is NEVER a good thing, I do think your attitude toward it is clearly a positive and correct approach. Much better than some folks who would mope and dwell only on what they are losing, you have focused on what you will be KEEPING, namely your life. As you rightly point out, things could be MUCH worse with "black mole carcinoma" or something like pancreatic cancer.

NOT to seem persnickety or anything... but "The Godfather" was one of my favorite movies of all time and I think MAYBE you have it wrong on the "offer he can't refuse." The document that the band leader was compelled to sign was a RELEASE from a contractual obligation that a singer was under... I think his name was "Joey Fontaine" or something like that... Michael was at his sister Connie's wedding, and was telling his (then) girlfriend Katie about Luca Brazzi...

OK, OK, enough of the movie trivia, I know, right now everyone who is still reading this is shaking their head saying something like "What an anal retentive MORON that Deacon guy is!"

Joe, oh Joe-You only lose your masculinity if you choose to. I know as do most of us here that to many men their prostate, their testicles, their penis are their guarantor of their masculinity. That's the world's way of seeing it. Bull balled. Hung like a horse, Donkey Dicked. If you are loved and cared for as a man, if you remember that all you lost was the possibility of death, that there's an old saying about a brave man dying only once, but a coward many times and old-fashioned as it all sounds, it's true. Then your core masculinity is very much intact and not liable to be shaken.

What do you think happens next? Are you afraid of what you may have been told? That you'll "feminize"? That manhood ended in a surgical theatre? Go bact to your Urologist, he does have your best interest at hear. Have him suggest someone to counsel you both before and after. Have him explain drug therapy to sustain not only your feeling of masculinity but certain sexual characteristics. Of course it's unfortunate, we all sympathize and understand. Most of us come to castration or genital modification by choice but it does not stop our understanding of the circumstances of others. I'm glad you found us. Just now it may be difficult dealing with a group you may have been taught to revile, the "homos", the "men who want to be women", the "weird" but look around and read. There's a wealth of technical information and anyone will be pleased to answer any question. That's a good thing here, no false modest and every phrase and question is from liberty hall. You won't get laughed at, you'll get answers and sympathy and help.

I'm being castrated by choice in a month but in no way does that effect my masculinity. I'll be a male Eunuch. What you will be and how you regard yourself is up to you. You may not have chosen to join us, but by posting you show that you are open to understanding not only yourself but others.

Calm yourself, you are among friends who hope only that you will be one too.

Welcome to the zoo. Maybe Deacon will get you some popcorn to go with the movie he narrated to you! --FLO--

Joe,

You came into this crisis with the right attitude, just keep your head about you and maintain that attitude. This is extremely difficult one of the biggest challenges you will ever have in your life. Mentally, your associations with manhood are based between your legs. You can't help but it's how we are brought up, I also believe it's instinctual as much as environmental.

Communicate openly and honestly and emotionally with your wife. You may think you are doing that for her benefit but gaining her support is going to be critical for your recovery.

I encourage you to speak with our resident hormone expert "testman", he knows a great deal about steroids, there are some you can take that have very little androgenic defect, they have a strong anabolic effect where you may be able to maintain masculine muscular development. In terms of sex drive and the ability to achieve an erection there is no substitute for testosterone unfortunately.

Again discuss this with your wife explore your options see a sex therapist if necessary, intimacy isn't always about or even includes a sexual orgasm. On your side of it the way testosterone deprivation works is in a way, very benevolent, in that you will lose the desire and drive to have an orgasm. You really won't miss them and eventually you'll wonder why you held so much importance to them.

Your wife of course is another story. She will still have hormonal desires and needs for orgasm. So yes I have no idea the details of your current sex life but chances are it will have to expand and take on new ideas. Discuss all your thoughts, concerns, and fears and accept all that they may have to offer.

Your life is tantamount. Being a male missing some male parts is far better than the other option.

Hello Joe,

Welcome to the Archive. I am sorry to learn about your prostate cancer and about the quality of care that you initially received. I am very happy, though, to hear that you are taking charge of your condition and planning active management of your own health. A new urologist/oncologist is certainly called for in your situation. I hope that you find one with whom you can work easily.

Prof. Richard Wassersug (School of Medicine at Dalhousie University) and I have, so far, published four papers in medical journals about the voluntary eunuch community and our research here. Three of the papers are specifically about voluntary eunuchs, but the fourth considers both voluntary eunuchs and prostate cancer eunuchs. It is primarily concerned with what we can learn from the voluntary eunuchs that will be helpful in the treatment of PCa eunuchs.

There are about three-quarters of a million PCa eunuchs in North America today, and Medicare, alone, pays for over 80,000 castrations per year – most of them chemical castrations. The drugs for chemical castration are Medicare’s second largest pharmaceutical expense (after cholesteral medications). You are certainly not alone in your efforts to deal with your cancer. It’s rare, though, that anyone takes such an active and positive role in seeking information.

I would be happy to send you (and any other readers of the Archive) PDF copies of the articles. Your urologist/oncologist might benefit from reading the article about steps that can be taken to help PCa patients.

If you would like just the one article, or all four of them, send me a <Private Message> by clicking on my name on this post and then following the instructions. I would need an off-Archive email address that will accept attachments to which to send the article(s).

I think that you will find the Archive community to be very helpful and ready to share their personal experiences. You will find it to be a friendly place.

Joe,

Welcome to our club (zoo?). I castrated myself voluntarily, but with a similar good attitude as yours. Do not worry about losing your masculinity. My balls do not function, but I still think of myself as a male.

You do make a good point about certain doctors not telling you the truth. You were very right to change your urologist.

I still have sex with my wife, although my orgasm is quite different than before as nothing much happens. I can still have an erection. However, radical surgery to remove the prostate gland will probably affect your ability to have an erection. The sex drive is mostly all in the brain, so you should still be able to satisfy your wife with other means such as manual or oral contact. My wife prefers cuddling and hugging along with manual stimulation in preference to penetration,

Good luck.

Hello Joe,

I am very sorry to hear of your prostate cancer diagnosis and your initial experience with the medical system. Your very

tugon (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:12 am positive attitude will serve you well

as you proceed.

If and when you need support, you will find many very caring individuals on this site.

Take care of youreself.