My troubles

For a long time I've had fantasies about emasculation, to the point where they are the only sexuality that I have. I don't have any problem with other people's practcies or fantasies, but in myself? I hate it. I can't stand it. I've tried using 'orgasmic reconditioning', but all it takes is one joke about emasculation to get me to slip into losing the more 'normal' sexuality I've tried to give myself.

I just can't cope any longer. This sexuality has been with me since I first started masturbation, at around ten years old, and its still with me at age twenty: it isn't going to go away.

Everything is going wrong. I'll never be able to have a relationship, not with my lack of other sexual interests, and the notion of actually acting out my fantasies is unbearable. It makes me hav panic attacks and shaking sessions whenever emasculation is mentioned, and its ruining my life. I honestly wish I were dead. I've already made detailed plans how to hang myself. I need any help at all. Its my last hope.

I want to make clear that I don't find any of your practices or fantasies disgusting...and its not even disgust, rather despair. Please help.

Have you tried chemical castration? It is easy, and not too expensive, not permanent, let's you "test the waters" before you take the plunge.

You need to get professional help for chronic depression ASAP. You don't have to tell them your inner most secrets unless you want to. I highly recommend that you get on some type of antidepressant. In many males antidepressants also lower the libido. Also, the last thing you want to do is kill yourself.

I know exactly where you are coming from because I have been there. Death is not permanent, and I believe that you will be forced by God to come right back to finish learning your lessons from this life. Plus think of all the pain and suffering you will cause to your family and friends.

I think you should look into some counseling also. Someone dealing with Sexual issues as well as general. Keep in mind, there is no such thing as a right or wrong fantasy. Also by trying to deny it to yourself it's like telling someone don't think about pink elephants...then it's ALL they are thinking about. A good therapist should be able to help, and sometimes it takes a little bit of time to find the RIGHT therapist for YOU. So if you don't like someone, you aren't stuck with them, and can find someone you have a good rapport with.

Also don't do anything on impulse. I'm sure you have friends and family who would be deeply affected if you tried to hurt yourself. If the feeling is extreme, call a suicide hot-line in your area. It is anonymous with compassionate people there to try and help you. My wife has been suicidal and they've helped her when she has been at her lowest.

Best of Luck

Batman

P.S. We're all here to listen to each other and not judge (except politics and religion of course)

Chemical castration or any other kind of castration would be the WORST thing for this young man to consider. He is clinically depressed already, to the point of suicidal thoughts. Testosterone deprivation is the absolute worst thing that could happen to him chemically right now. He is not LIKE many here, period. His fantasies are NOT desired, this is not something it sounds like he wants to have as a presence in his life. The writer says he is in the United Kingdom, there is national health care there, but as we all know, getting mental health services is the most difficult since it is deemed to be the least necessary by the "medical" establishment. My hope is that he will CALL for help, be honest, tell them EVERYTHING especially the suicidal thoughts. They will help, but they do need to know how serious you are to triage you properly. Do not, I repeat do NOT entertain the thought that castration would be the solution to your problem in ANY aspect. In love and peace.

nonuts (imported) wrote: Sun Apr 27, 2008 8:22 am Chemical castration or any other kind of castration would be the WORST thing for this young man to consider. He is clinically depressed already, to the point of suicidal thoughts. Testosterone deprivation is the absolute worst thing that could happen to him chemically right now. He is not LIKE many here, period. His fantasies are NOT desired, this is not something it sounds like he wants to have as a presence in his life. The writer says he is in the United Kingdom, there is national health care there, but as we all know, getting mental health services is the most difficult since it is deemed to be the least necessary by the "medical" establishment. My hope is that he will CALL for help, be honest, tell them EVERYTHING especially the suicidal thoughts. They will help, but they do need to know how serious you are to triage you properly. Do not, I repeat do NOT entertain the thought that castration would be the solution to your problem in ANY aspect. In love and peace.

I read recently that in some men low testosterone (men with balls) can lead to depression, lack of energy, etc... so perhaps you should also consider having your Doctor check your testosterone levels.

There is nothing wrong with your fantasies as long as most of them stay that way. Also remember, the grass is always greener on the other side. Another point is that it seems you find masturbation wrong and perhaps sinful? It is not wrong and is apart of being male. I have seen video of apes and monkeys masturbating in the wilderness. Mankind says it is wrong, but God does not care if you masturbate or not.

Well, thanks for the replies. I don't feel quite so bad today, actually, and there are other days on which things don't seem so bad.

As it happens, I an currently taking medication for depression, though I've only been on it a short while. Chemical castration would be unbearable. I find myself aroused by emasculation, but in every other aspect the idea is unbearable. It seems odd, then, me coming here, but this is the only place I know where people won't react in revulsion, or with cruelty.

Besides, today Ican see clearly that this is just one of several problems. I've got so many other matters to deal with - anxieties about work, my social ineptitude, and especially my body (I'm very overweight, and very unattractive) - that I guess I've just been falling into the depressive trap of making everything a battle, rather than taking things one step at a time.

So, today, when I'm feeling better, I'll force myself to arrange meetings with a therapist. I can't stand this sexuality any longer, though I've no problems with anyone else having these sorts of fantasies. I'd have to say that I certainly don't think masturbation is wrong or sinful. But in myself, this sexuality and the thought of acting out these fantasies is absolutely unbearable.

Thanks, anyway, for replying. Maybe seeing a therapist can give me some sort of life to live.

I to am on medication for depression plus I suffer from random panic attacks 2 to 3 times a week. I have three really, really good friends that I would trust with my life but 2 of them live far away and we do not get to chat much anymore. The one local friend I have left is a female, and we met back at the local community collage. The two of us learned that we could trust each other and we talk frequently. Perhaps you have such a friend but have not realized it. I know a fellow gay man that is overweight (yeah me to), but he gets lots of boyfriends. The difference? he tends to be happy and gets out on the town, for me the happy aspect is a difficult item to conquer. I have heard over and over again that happy people attract more people then sad people.

One idea for you...perhaps you can take a class at nearby community collage in something that interests you, or pick out a local charity group that peeks your interest

then get involved and meet people.

If you want you can email me privately, but would love to try and help you out.

Thanks for the replies. I've started seeing a therapist, and I've made an appointment for Wednesday to talk about my sexuality. I'm pretty nervous, but I know that it's the right thing to od. I've also been on antidepressant medication for a while, now. It's really made a difference. Whilst I can't say that I'm especially 'well' yet, I no longer want to die. That's quite something.

On the topic, has anyone else here ever found their sexuality or fantasies difficult to accept? How did you cope? Have you still been able to have relationships?

I have had trouble dealing with my castration fantasies...They come and go, but often, it is an overwhelming urge that I know I must act on. At my age, 59, it is not so serious since i have already rejected family life and honestly think that getting rid of my sex drive would not be a bad thing... but you are too young to really do it if you have such doubts. Maybe you need to find others who enjoy the fantasy in a harmless way... acting it out might help. There is nothing wrong with having fantasies...