Thought crime indeed. The Internet has become the 2-way television screens of George Orwell's 1984. I'm not sure where all this is headed, but it doesn't look good.

I too had some sexual abuse as a minor. There are some stories that I would like to write based on my experiences. Now I am thinking that this would be too dangerous.... [sigh]

Kangan (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2007 10:11 am Thought crime indeed. The Internet has become the 2-way television screens of George Orwell's 1984. I'm not sure where all this is headed, but it doesn't look good.

I too had some sexual abuse as a minor. There are some stories that I would like to write based on my experiences. Now I am thinking that this would be too dangerous.... [sigh]

It may really be too dangerous.

As for my abuse itself - it hardly can be considered as "sexual one". Getting accidentally hit in the testicles is the thing that often happens to young boys. It's the observers of this accident and my observation of them were the reason for that impulse that started all my sexual fantasies...

Jeanio (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2007 10:47 am It may really be too dangerous.

As for my abuse itself - it hardly can be considered as "sexual one". Getting accidentally hit in the testicles is the thing that often happens to young boys. It's the observers of this accident and my observation of them were the reason for that impulse that started all my sexual fantasies...

So a non-sexual event started your sexual fantasy. Fascinating. This could mean that ones sexuality is determined by all sorts of non-sexual events... so much for Sigmund Freud....

Kangan (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2007 11:00 am So a non-sexual event started your sexual fantasy. Fascinating. This could mean that ones sexuality is determined by all sorts of non-sexual events... so much for Sigmund Freud....

Maybe I might call it "a half-sexual event", if there be such a term. The first of my two stories tell about it. In short here, in Russia, in small towns and villages people usually go to the bathhouse every weekend and by the age of about 7 Mom always took me to there along with her and my younger sister (about 1,5 my junior). And there once, after we had with a sister a playful quarrel over some toy, we started grappling and then she accidentally hit me in my naked balls. And for us both it was a sort of shockingly-surprising thing. For me this kind of pain, I've never felt before, for her my helpless and pathetic reaction, which first totally buffled her for she had no inkling of its cause. And there was Mom who soon explained her how weak all boys were down there, and there were some younger girls, who with much interest watched me and my reaction, not sparing their giggles on me, and my sister who joined their giggles after she'd learned that her brother was so vulnerable because of his little nutsack. And all of them were naked, though their nakedness wasn't meant to be of anything sexual in the first place. I mean my mother didn't see anything of sexual experience to me in her taking me with her to the bathhouse. But that event so strongly focused my consciuosness on my testicles and so strongly underlined it by those girls' giggling and watching my helplessness. Sure, no one of them meant any sexual abuse to me, but their very nakedness was telling me that I was so funny and pathetic to them because of my balls...

Kangan (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2007 10:11 am Thought crime indeed. The Internet has become the 2-way television screens of George Orwell's 1984. I'm not sure where all this is headed, but it doesn't look good.

I too had some sexual abuse as a minor. There are some stories that I would like to write based on my experiences. Now I am thinking that this would be too dangerous.... [sigh]

Write your stuff. Submit it under another name on the story archive (If I am correct, you dont have to be a registered member to submit stories). Submit from someone else's (library's) computer. Thumb drives are nice for this... Play to the paranoia and surpass it...

Jeanio (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2007 12:06 pm Maybe I might call it "a half-sexual event", if there be such a term. The first of my two stories tell about it. In short here, in Russia, in small towns and villages people usually go to the bathhouse every weekend and by the age of about 7 Mom always took me to there along with her and my younger sister (about 1,5 my junior). And there once, after we had with a sister a playful quarrel over some toy, we started grappling and then she accidentally hit me in my naked balls. And for us both it was a sort of shockingly-surprising thing. For me this kind of pain, I've never felt before, for her my helpless and pathetic reaction, which first totally buffled her for she had no inkling of its cause. And there was Mom who soon explained her how weak all boys were down there, and there were some younger girls, who with much interest watch me and my reaction, not sparing their giggles on me, and my sister who joined their giggles after she'd learned that her brother was so vulnerable because of his little nutsack. And all of them were naked, though their nakedness wasn't meant to be of anything sexual in the first place. I mean my mother didn't see anything of sexual experience to me in her taking me with her to the bathhouse. But that event so strongly focused my consciuosness on my testicles and so strongly underlined it by those girls' giggling and watching me. Sure, no one of them meant any sexual abuse to me, but their very nakedness was telling me that I was so funny and pathetic to them because of my balls...

I guess Freud did get it right after all. An interesting explanation of how someone gets started in CBT. Interesting.

Kangan (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2007 4:41 pm I guess Freud did get it right after all. An interesting explanation of how someone gets started in CBT. Interesting.

Yeah, I agree about Freud's being right. There's another thread here where people tell about the role of mothers in their getting interest in castration. In my case the mother's role is obvious. From psycological point of view maybe after that event it was more rational to stop taking me to the bathhose with girls. AnywayAnd after that she kept on taking me with her for about a year. And it was always the same company - Mom, me, sister, Mom's sister with her daughter of my age, our neighbor with her daughter of about the same age. You just imagine - I'm the only one of them with a pair of testicles. And always when naked among them I felt that starnge fear of being hit in the balls again by one of younger girls, strange because it was a tantalizing sort of fear, a kind of anxiety. And the adult women of the company didn't make it easier. My next time in the bathhouse after that event the first thing I heard was Mom telling my aunt the story of how my sis happened to hit me in the balls last week. When I was romping about with girls, Mom could just drop some phrase like that: "Mind your balls, sonny." I felt it was somewhat naturally unfair that there never were said such phrases like "watch your privates, girls".

But only when I started going to the bathhouse with men, I felt I was missing that kind of anxiety. And then my fantsies began. First the object of my fantasies were other boy. Every time I was among naked males in the bathhouse, I just chose one boy or grown-up and started to imagine him bathing with girls and then in this imaginery bathhouse one of the girls would kick, knee or punch that guy in his poor balls to the great merriment of all the women around. The girls would laugh at him and tease him. And sure among those women were my Mom, aunt, sister, cousin. And as for the guys I liked to choose for my fantasies those ones with low-hanging sacks. And in my fantasies, the women while teasing the poor guy could say some phrases like "hey, guy, if your danglers are so weak, why don't you cut them off?"

Maybe one of the reasons for those weird fantasies of mine was my feeling of being not understood by other boys. At least there were two boys who I told that I sort of envy girls. Both of them ridiculed me for being a sissy, telling they, unlike me, are proud of having penis and balls. Maybe after that I started wishing that every guy at least once in his life got his testicles abused by girls.

And one more for Freud and his theory of Oedipus Complex. No, I never wished to kill my father and marry mother. But in my fantasies Mom and Aunt often tortured Dad's testicles...

That is one very interesting story about how your interest in castration got started. I wonder if there are any others on here with parallel experiences?

I can recall seeing a schoolmate get hit in the testicles by a ball at recess. witnesses included both boys and girls and a teacher. I vaguely remember getting hit in the testicles myself on at least one occasion. The fact that it was your mother that laughed at your injury probably had a lot to do with it.

I do vividly recall the night my mother caught me masturbating (I was 12 and not yet into puberty). The next morning at breakfast my father made some sort of remark about my penis being small. That remark DID make an impression on me as I then became very interested in the size of male genitals from that point on.

The bottom line here is that a chance comment by a parent in childhood about one's body can play a very big role in future psycho-sexual development. I would suspect that remarks about something like obesity could be just as damaging. Be careful what you say to your kids (assuming that you have any).

Kangan (imported) wrote: Fri Feb 09, 2007 7:53 am The bottom line here is that a chance comment by a parent in childhood about one's body can play a very big role in future psycho-sexual development. I would suspect that remarks about something like obesity could be just as damaging. Be careful what you say to your kids (assuming that you have any).

No doubt that's true. Parents are the people a kid trusts and in whom he/she tries to find compassion. Though I woldn't say my mother laughed at me, it'd better to say she took my injury ironically, smiling at my mishap. It were the little girls and sister wno laughed and giggled. But I think it's mother's irony rather than the girls' laughter that played the main role in all this. It just in some way showed me that mother was on the girls' side just because she, like them, didn't have testicles. One may suppose that after that I could feel the wish to be closer to father, with whom I shared the fact of testicle possession. On the contrary, in my following fantasies, I always imagined myself on Mom's side when she tortured Dad's testes...

Kangan (imported) wrote: Fri Feb 09, 2007 7:53 am That is one very interesting story about how your interest in castration got started. I wonder if there are any others on here with parallel experiences?

).

I'll be pleased to meet someone with a parallel experience.

And one more interesting thing. As I said in provincial Russia it's a custom for people to go to the bathhouse at weekends. And on the Russian net I tried to find some memories of males who went to the bathhouse with their mothers when kids. And sure I wasn't the only one. But some of those males confessed that visiting the bathhouse with mothers gave them some kind of loathing for the female body - for there they saw so many naked old women and fat girls. But as I said I was in the bathhouse always in the company of three young women - mother, aunt, our neighbor and three little girls. Certainly their bodies were in the center of my attention. And

Jeanio (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2007 5:47 pm when I started going to the bathhouse with men

it was a monumental switch for me to watch so many dangling testicles around me.

Slammr (imported) wrote: Thu Jan 27, 2005 12:34 pm Most of my stories-as people who've read them know-are about boys who are castrated. Some people don't think we should have such stories about kids on the Archive, but I think they're important. When I first discovered my cock, as in my story, Wasted Years (http://www.eunuch.org/Alpha/W/ea_53837wasted_y.htm), I was in love with it. It was the most important thing in my life. Maybe all boys don't feel that way, but I think most do. I would have been devastated had anything happened to it-or to my balls. I think that's why writing about a boy losing his cock or balls has such poignancy, at least to me.

Later in life, other things intrude; obtaining an education, work, emotional and sexual relationships, family; but, then, when you've just masturbated for the first time, nothing is more important than your own cock.

I think also that the readers of the stories differ from most of those posting to the message boards. Most of those posting, want to be rid of their cocks or balls. To the contrary, I think most of the readers of the stories, although turned on by the prospect, don't actually want it to happen. In some ways, it's like reading a horror story. One wouldn't actually want to be in that situation, but it's exciting to think about it. It's an adrenaline rush.

From C van D.

I've read a substantial proportion of Slammr's stories. These are excellently crafted, interesting and dare I say, amusing. The same can't be said of all "offerings" on the archive, which I periodically trawl through for ideas (okay, it's plagiarism but everybody does it. I owe a lot to Slammr's "Boy Neutering Drug" a long time ago.

By contrast I found the anonymous "Schoolboy Experiment" which purports to be a documentary but is sadistic and disgusting. I think a more selecive approach by the editorship wouldn't come amiss.

C van D