Paolo, don't punish anyone

T +104

My suspicions about T levels increase are now proved. Form level of 17ng/dL, it has increased to 47ng/dL. My T levels have increased considerably - 2.7 times! I can feel that in many ways.

I am less tired. More energetic. My sweat is not as watery as before. Slight smell difference is noticeable for me at least. I masturbate twice a week instead of twice a month.

What is the reason? My Andocur dosage since about 1st June has not changed. It is 100mg per day. When my T level was measured 17ng/dL, I have been on 100mg/day almost a month..

I started to notice change at the beginning of August.

What could be the reason? Is my liver metabolizing Androcur much faster now? Anyway, this case is now documented with hard data.

Since today I will up my dosage to 150mg/day. We'll see if it helps.

T +110

It has been a week now at elevated dosage of Androcur. 150mg a day, instead of 100mg. It seems like it works. I last masturbated 9 days ago, and only now I feel like I need to do it again. Before it was like every 3rd day I felt horny. That pleases me. It also means that either Androcur is leaving my system faster or, it has become less efficient at current levels. Anyway I will stop that trial in a month.

I suspect that without Tamoxifen/Raloxifen my sex drive had been stronger. Also I suspect that without them I had developed gynecomastia to some degree. And for sure, they have helped to make me joint pain free and muscle pain free. I started Androcur without Raloxifen and developed joint pains and muscle pains. Soon after I started Raloxifen, 2 weeks after I started Androcur, these pains vanished within a week. So, it is a good stuff for your health as an eunuch.

It is interesting, that I keep forgetting that I am castrated. It seems like tiredness is not so difficult to deal with, and I am getting used to it too. My day looks different now than before. During night I wake up many times. And all soaked, at least one time. Then in the morning I feel very slow until I can have my coffee... That guarantees me energy and a happy face for at least 2-3 hours. Then I feel exhausted and need a nap. After a nap I feel relatively normal again until about 6 in the evening. That late I do not drink coffee normally. Only rare occasions. Then I just fall on bed and read something or write or watch watch youtube if I am really tired. Then I feel much better. After some great rest I can be active again for one or two hours. Then I try to get some sleep as it is too late... That is difficult. Before I did not need naps and I was able to work full evening. Interestingly I don't care.

I still have hot flashes. Sometimes so hot that I start to sweat all over for no reason. These are reminding me that I am an eunuch. Otherwise I feel very me. Me myself. No sign of depression whatsoever. I kind of love that sexless me, it is a true me. I don't feel myself any worse, incomplete or invalid. And it is kind of sad to stop this trial.

I must admit, that during a transition period I felt myself incomplete, invalid, less a man compared to intact men, meaning all other men surrounding me. That was a difficult period. I felt dizziness and it seemed like I don't know who am I. Thoughts to stop crossed my mind briefly even. But I knew all this coming.

What I did not expect, is that it is now, 3.5months from start, much easier to cope with all negative effects.

So, as I am a lazy eunuch I stop writing right here.

T +113

Now I feel for sure that my T-levels have dropped again to around 20ng. Libido has dropped significantly. My sweat isn't sticky anymore. After it vaporizes, it leaves no oily substance. So, increase of Androcur dosage to 150ng has helped.

Of other changes I just observed, I can say, that my bodyhair has become clearly thinner and less pigmented. To my surprise my pubic hair has become shorter. Clearly shorter. On my legs some places are completely hairless because trousers have worn it out. And on my half bald head I noticed small thin hair, almost invisible, like on my hand. I don't know if it is my hair growing back, but I haven't noticed tiny and thin hair before. These changes I like

When I walked today, I noticed that I have lost interest to see new places and go out. Before I quite often went out to either long walks or I drove to some new place. I remember that going out and interest to travel emerged right with puberty. Suddenly I started to go many different pllaces. My bicycle trips around my home lenghtened from few km to up to 100km. I couldn't sit and stay in one place. Now I find it hard to even have an evening walk. So testosterone forces males further away from home for some reason. Probably we have inherited this behaviour from our ancestors.

I'm glad you are getting the desired changes. Stick with it and be patient. You will feel a great sense of accomplishment. I don't buy the stuff about being away from home or close to home. It is merely a period of adjustment and transition. Just my opinion.

T +115

I do not know the exact date yet, but I am going to stop this trial in 2 or 3 weeks. Then I will report how things will return to so called normal.

Being an eunuch feels kind of normal to me. Except that tiredness.

About surgical castration I still remain undecided. There is no clear feeling that I am determined. I know that I can cope with being an eunuch, and I will have no depression issues. I worried most about depression at the beginning.

Today, while walking, I was thinking that interestingly my brain has been hard wired during the high T period, or most of the time in my life. I still think quite often about being an eunuch and some sexual stuff. But it rarely leads to any act, like masturbation. For example, during the last 2 weeks I have masturbated only once. I have had many times that feeling like I need to try at least, but mostly I soon forget about it and do absolutely nothing. For me it feels fantastic! And I don't want to give up that independence of libido. It is hard to point at, what really makes me like positive effects of castration. Or why impotence can be desireable.

But anyway, I wanted to say that my brain often brings me to the thought that perhaps I need to masturbate, but in reality nothing follows.

During my 3 years of chemical castration, Lupron & bicalutamide, fatigue was absolutely the worst side effect. It was life-changing, debilitating. Naps barely helped, bedtime by 8:30pm.

I've now been surgical castrated, my T at last measurement was only 7 ng/dl (when <50 is "castration" level), so I have essentially no T. And yet, I feel great! No fatigue, no hot flashes. What's the secret now?

Estrogen patches. Dr. Snuffy Myers adopted the use of them with his patients on "hormone therapy", or androgen deprivation. 25-50 mcg daily, patch changed twice weekly. Minimal side effects, some small degree of "feminization" possible, but at such a low dose it's pretty much not a factor. I'm actually on 100 mcg patches, and my blood level of E2 is 60 pg/ml (40-50 is "minimum", with 60 the target level to maintain bone density), so right where I want to be.

My libido is nearly zero, sexual activity can be completely ignored. With some effort a small firming can be achieved, but in reality I am simply no longer a "sexual" being. This was a strong desire for me, and a wonderful result at this point in my life. It's very comfortable now living without balls. My sense of smell has increased dramatically (not always a good thing, "male" odors gag me now).

Anyway, just thought I'd share that for someone still exploring options to reduce or eliminate libido. The path I'm on will do it.

Varys2013 (imported) wrote: Sat Sep 07, 2019 10:56 am During my 3 years of chemical castration, Lupron & bicalutamide, fatigue was absolutely the worst side effect. It was life-changing, debilitating. Naps barely helped, bedtime by 8:30pm.

I've now been surgical castrated, my T at last measurement was only 7 ng/dl (when <50 is "castration" level), so I have essentially no T. And yet, I feel great! No fatigue, no hot flashes. What's the secret now?

Estrogen patches. Dr. Snuffy Myers adopted the use of them with his patients on "hormone therapy", or androgen deprivation. 25-50 mcg daily, patch changed twice weekly. Minimal side effects, some small degree of "feminization" possible, but at such a low dose it's pretty much not a factor. I'm actually on 100 mcg patches, and my blood level of E2 is 60 pg/ml (40-50 is "minimum", with 60 the target level to maintain bone density), so right where I want to be.

My libido is nearly zero, sexual activity can be completely ignored. With some effort a small firming can be achieved, but in reality I am simply no longer a "sexual" being. This was a strong desire for me, and a wonderful result at this point in my life. It's very comfortable now living without balls. My sense of smell has increased dramatically (not always a good thing, "male" odors gag me now).

Anyway, just thought I'd share that for someone still exploring options to reduce or eliminate libido. The path I'm on will do it.

Good for the efforts and a great objective report. Since you've achieved your goal do NOT increase the estrogen dose. You've got it just right for what you desired. I on the other hand increased estrogen to actual abuse and am now a very sexual being. But in a much different way. Of course I also hade the penis etc removed so now it's all deep within. Which I actually have come to enjoy. So now that you've found the right balance for what you desired DON'T change it unless things change. Way too cool of an outcome for you and thanks for sharing

Varys2013 (imported) wrote: Sat Sep 07, 2019 10:56 am During my 3 years of chemical castration, Lupron & bicalutamide, fatigue was absolutely the worst side effect. It was life-changing, debilitating. Naps barely helped, bedtime by 8:30pm.

I've now been surgical castrated, my T at last measurement was only 7 ng/dl (when <50 is "castration" level), so I have essentially no T. And yet, I feel great! No fatigue, no hot flashes. What's the secret now?

Estrogen patches. Dr. Snuffy Myers adopted the use of them with his patients on "hormone therapy", or androgen deprivation. 25-50 mcg daily, patch changed twice weekly. Minimal side effects, some small degree of "feminization" possible, but at such a low dose it's pretty much not a factor. I'm actually on 100 mcg patches, and my blood level of E2 is 60 pg/ml (40-50 is "minimum", with 60 the target level to maintain bone density), so right where I want to be.

My libido is nearly zero, sexual activity can be completely ignored. With some effort a small firming can be achieved, but in reality I am simply no longer a "sexual" being. This was a strong desire for me, and a wonderful result at this point in my life. It's very comfortable now living without balls. My sense of smell has increased dramatically (not always a good thing, "male" odors gag me now).

Anyway, just thought I'd share that for someone still exploring options to reduce or eliminate libido. The path I'm on will do it.

Congrats Varys2013! You are most definitely on the right path. It is a very wonderful sense of accomplishment being castrated. The most satisfying feeling in the world. Also you will be a good inspiration for other men on the same boat seeking relief from this awful dilemma. Again congrats.

T +120

Here I announce that my chemical castration trial is about to coming to an end. I am reducing my Androcur intake. I have already been on 100mg for 2 days, down from 150mg a day.

Well, I remember that reading other people castration trial blogs I missed descriptions of physical changes. But now I know that these changes happened mostly at the beginning. during first 2 months. The rest continues happen in brain.

But anyway. My libido has been nicely low recently. (It seems like I feel the need to masturbate once a week. And thats ok with me. And the "need" is feels more like I can. Not desperate at all. Despite this I have forced myself to masturbate, to see if I can orgasm even if I don't feel the need. What I have noticed I couldn't force myself to masturbate twice a day. Even once a day is too much. Seems like there are some kind of sexual energy batteries that need to be recharged before you could reach another orgasm. In my case I need to recharge them at least 2-3 days before I could force another orgasm. But I can get it up almost any time. Well, it means some work and dedication. in 3 minutes it just gets up, but is far from "hard". Usually I just loose interest, and it won't get harder than half hard.

Semen. The amount of it decreased fast during first 2 months, until only few drops oozed out. Sometimes my orgasms were dry. It's consistency changed too. It was yellowish at first. Then it became crystal clear. Now it looks clear at first and then grayish.

Orgasm intensity has decreased. Orgasms aren't blinding anymore. But also I don't feel "post coital tristesse" anymore. Or I don't feel down and guilty. What is interesting, when I have abstained for more days. Like a week or more, then after orgasm I feel hard to describe pleasant feeling or satisfaction in my body. It is not there if I had forced an orgasm.

It seems like there is some fat redistribution and I just measured my weight, I have gained 2kg compared to my weight 4 months ago.

Testicular size has decreased 25%. That was visually noticeable. But it happened right at the beginning, during the first month and hasn't changed since. About penis size it is harder to tell. When it gets to its normal hardness, it seem to be of the same size.

What else? Perhaps you should ask me.

Despite it was difficult to get through transition period at the beginning, I had no psychological issues nor did I develop depression which I was most afraid of. I think it is because I never felt like my sexuality is part of my person. I even felt that all the sexual stuff was forced on me. So I (me, my person) don't feel any loss. I am still me that hasn't lost anything. That might be also the reason why I like that "no sexual thought" state of mind.

Eunuch calm. During my first castration trial I did feel it. And now I felt it only for a very brief time at the beginning.

One more thing. It seems like even at the low end testosterone affects me a lot. Like when it had risen from 17 to 47, I felt more energetic, but also more horny. It seems like when my T dropped very low I suspect lower than 17ng/dL, I feel very lethargic. I felt lethargic now that I upped my Androcur to 150mg/day. I must remind that Androcur blocks testosterone receptors, and drop in T levels comes from other mechanisms. Thus T level measurements don't give adequate understanding about castration level. What I want to say that if testosterone is measured 17ng/dL on Androcur, it should be equal to much lower T level for surgically castrated man.

Very little change in T level can make a big difference in how you feel.

The fact that I take Tamoxifen too, to stop breast growth and to kill libido that comes from estrogen and I still can get hard and have orgasms while other men become completely impotent, stresses how different we really are and how much YMWV (Your Mileage Will Vary)