kristoff wrote: Wed May 14, 2008 7:32 pm Maybe suspenders would work? :-\

No, suspenders aren't my style. I have considered making the skirt fit better using a safety pin. Most of the skirts I've seen do not come with belts. If I wear a blouse and let it hang outside the skirt, this would do the trick.

MrT, another wonderful friend on the Archive, did a little research on my insurance carrier. I'd already looked myself but found nothing. It turns out they do cover hormones, GRS and even breast augmentation for patients with the diagnosis Gender Identity Disorder.

I had been a little down about the expense of all these medical procedures. It's not that I've made definite decisions on any surgery but I can now relax knowing I can afford it should I want it.

This coming Monday will be my first day at work as Danya. The outpouring of support from coworkers has been heartening.

Informative meetings were held today for employees who might have questions or concerns about my transition. I did not attend these so coworkers could feel free to ask anything without fear of embarrassing me or being offensive. I've gotten feedback that these meetings went extremely well and there weren't many questions but some lively discussions.

The critical component to make my transition successful was upper management's strong statement of support that was accompanied by clear expectations on how I am to be treated.

This morning, I went to get my somewhat bushy eyebrows tweezed and my eyelashes tinted. I couldn't believe what a difference these quick, inexpensive things did to make my look more feminine. I'm really pleased with the results.

Afterwards, I stopped at my pharmacy and told the pharmacist I am transsexual. I was dressed fairly androgynously. Since I typically use a check card to pay for prescriptions, I wanted to be sure there wouldn't be a problem. I will be presenting as female but using a card that still has my legal (male) name on it. The pharmacist said he already had 3 transsexual patients and that the name on my card wouldn't matter. It seems like transsexuality is really far more common than most people know.

Before heading home, I stopped at my doctor's office to sign a release form for some of my records, which I'll pick up tomorrow. I let the young woman helping me know that I am transsexual and would be presenting as female when I return for the records. I also admired her lips which looked far more kissable than my own thin lips.

On May 29, I will see a doctor who prescribes HRT for transsexuals to see about getting on estrogen. I told the office what information I'd be bringing with me. The nurse said I might very well be prescribed estrogen on the first visit.

This morning I gently let go of my male self and his clothing and from now on I will always dress as myself, Danya. This was impossible before because I had not yet transitioned at work. That comes Monday morning but as of today there is no chance of the man being called for a work emergency.

I am feeling very self-confident and nothing will stop me now from being who I am, a woman. This afternoon, I saw my therapist who hadn't seen me fully dressed as Danya (this was my second appointment with her) until today. I was in the outfit I will wear to work Monday: a very nice dress, new summer pumps I got on sale this afternoon, jewelry that compliments what I wore, off-black nylons, padded bra (I am trying to save money so that padding is tissue paper!) and a nice wig.

My therapist couldn't believe that the woman she saw before her today was the same (male) person she saw last week. Like my U therapist, she was really impressed by how well I pass. She couldn't believe how great the skin of my face looked. This was very affirming. She also said no one would give me a second glance. I had already found that out earlier on my own on my first trip to the mall.

After seeing her, I decided to have dinner at a local restaurant that I frequent. As a man, I was been well known there. When he's eaten there, he was often greeted by name and there would often be his favorite beverage, iced tea, waiting on the table before he was seated. This evening, there were a number of wait staff there who knew the old me. I spoke directly to several and not a one gave even the slightest flicker of recognition.

All of this is very nice. What really mattered, though, is my new outlook on the world. I took a book with me to read while I ate. My old self would always have his nose buried in a book when dining out alone. Tonight, as myself, I took the book with me but didn't open it once in the hour and 15 minutes I spent at restaurant. Instead, I spent the entire time observing people and feeling very much a part of humanity. It's very hard for me to put into words what I was feeling but it was as if the world had opened up to me for the first time. I fit in with these people at last. Finally I feel like I belong. Before, I was off in my corner reading. Now I was participating, if only through very active observing.

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed May 14, 2008 7:54 pm I have mentioned elsewhere how,

many years ago, a psychologist had told me my personality seemed two-dimensional. That's because he wasn't seeing all of me but then again I was not ready to recognize who I am. There was the transsexual part, the woman inside, that I was not able to acknowledge. Now I'm out there for everyone to see as a complete person for the first time in my life and very three-dimensional.

Well this may sound silly but

Welcome to the world - as you! Having met you in person I agree that you really should not have serious concerns about passing but its nice I'm sure to hear this from a professional who has worked with other TS folks.

I think Monday will be very liberating closely followed by just being normal and comfortable. Well scratch that I've seen my wifes contortions needed to get into some of her underwear.

P.S. one thing I learned from JR High school Girls. Use rolled up Nylons for stuffing bras... Or was it socks?? Hummm.... Either way have a good day monday and I have my fingers crossed that the 29th goes the way you want it to!

Hummm will Monday be a sort of Birthday?

Danya,

Good luck on your big day.

Mac,

Thanks for the good wishes. I really appreciate it.

MrT,

I will consider Monday to be a second birthday. My original plan was to have a celebration the day before, a kind of open house deal with party food. I was going to invite friends from work, church and others. Then I figured this would be too much effort the day before starting work as Danya. I'll have a party in a month or two, instead, after things have settled down.

Your comment 'Welcome to the world' doesn't sound silly at all. Last night, I felt like I fit in for the first time. It's not that I feel I need to be part of the gang, so to speak, but it was nice to experience a connectedness with other people that I haven't had before.

I never doubted your comments on how well I 'pass', of course, and I appreciate your input. Yesterday, my therapist's response came down to 'Wow' and she emphasized how fortunate I am to pass well. She has no problem telling me when a wig color or style doesn't work for me, so I know her response to my appearance was genuine.

I agree,

mrt (imported) wrote: Sat May 17, 2008 6:28 pm Monday will be very liberating

and I expect, and want, things at work to settle down into a normal routine. It's important that I continue to perform well at work.

Getting ready for work will be more time consuming with all of those added contortions required to get into everything .

I had tried rolled up socks for bra padding but never could get that to look right. I'll give your other suggestion a try with a pair of old nylons.

My therapist now knows I will be seeing the HRT physician on the 29th. She told me 'of course your know I'm not prepared to write a letter recommending hormones yet.' I understand that entirely. She has the results of my psychological testing from the U (with the conclusion that 'there's no reason that hormones are contraindicated'). Having only seen me twice, though, she needs to reach her own comfort level with my direction. From what she knows so far, she thinks I have been handling everything very well. She has no major concerns but just needs to ask more questions. I was a little surprised she was not even interested in getting all of my records from my U therapist.

She thinks it's likely the HRT doc will prescribe estrogen based on the information from the U. I will also provide the doctor with the results of medical tests originally requested by the U's physician. After the U doctor got those, she said there was no medical reason not to proceed with HRT. There are always risks, and even more so because of my age, but she said those are manageable with proper monitoring.

Danya,

The drag queens use small bags of bird seed - often available in costume shops, or make your own with nylons. One person I know wanted a small perky set so cut a Nerf football in half and used that to fill the bra

Monday is going to be fine and busy for you - probably whirlwind. Tuesday is going to be a more telling day, I suspect. You'll do fine!

Danya,

kristoff wrote: Sun May 18, 2008 10:26 am The drag queens use small bags of bird seed - often available in costume shops, or make your own with nylons. One person I know wanted a small perky set so cut a Nerf football in half and used that to fill the bra

Monday is going to be fine and busy for you - probably whirlwind. Tuesday is going to be a more telling day, I suspect. You'll do fine!

Hi Kristoff,

I retried the socks method and was able to get that to work well. I have heard of the bird seed method and I would see how that could work well, maybe, to even give a more natural 'hang' to things! OTOH, what happens if a hole develops? I really like the Nerf football idea.

I feel totally at east about Monday and I suspect you are correct. It will be a whirlwind. Things at the office should start to get back to normal by Tuesday at the latest. I have been invited out by several women coworkers for dinner and drinks Tuesday evening. That should be fun.

Thanks for the positive thoughts!

Danya

Well don't go Pamala Anderson with the nylons/bird seed you might have the same problem that the girl in Jr High did when she lost one in the hot lunch line.

As I recall she was quite the dish (for a Jr high girl) and she didn't need giant boobs to be popular...

I wish you luck with the therapist and the HRT doctor. Do keep all your appointments and labs and such. We want you to have a healthy transition! HRT is serious stuff and will do many amazing things to (for?) you...

Get a good nights sleep on sunday and God Bless you! Your a brave girl!