Nullorchis, thank you so much for the advice and concern. i spent 8 months shooting myself up with Depo-Provera and have experienced the temporary effects of castration..i just could not afford it any longer. i have seen psychiatrists, therapists, psychologists and 2 social workers concerning my feelings and gender identity...and when i say that my need to rid myself of my testicles has been life long, i mean life long. i have felt so helpless...when i finally came acrossed the process of alcohol injections, i became so happy with the thought that permanent castration for me could be a reality. i know you should never try it, but i have. i know you could get hurt, but the benefits for me and my life far outweigh the risks.. Right now i am just trying to keep my sanity during the long process of destroying these things that have pretty much destroyed my life..

Well, need2b, I completely understand. We inherited testosterone as nature's way of ensuring the survival of the species. We each have different amounts and it works in different ways in each of us as it interacts with our own body's chemistry.

In the case of many, we do not want or need testosterone as it causes in us more difficulties than we can endure. It is just a damn shame society will not let those of us who know that we need to eliminate testosterone from our body will not let us choose to do so as one can choose vasectomy.

So we go through our own personal hell, put our safety at risk, and are viewed with disdain. After six injection sessions I believe I have achieved my own personal success and lucked out with no harmful results. I still have a way to go in finding out at what minimal level of testosterone can minimize negative health impact and not activate sexual need. But I have crossed the point of no return, and the amount of relief, joy, happiness this gives me more than compensates me for the negative feelings I had about myself for engaging in dangerous self abuse in the past.

In one respect I really had no choice in the matter; I was all consumed with the absolute need to be free of testosterone, one way or another. This may be perceived as psychotic to others, and before I accomplished my goal I could not disagree. But now, free of being driven, consumed, haunted by testosterone, I am beginning to feel so much better I don't care what others might think. This was good and right for me, and their judgemental opinions are of no importance. The bad part was putting myself at risk of physical harm.

Another great risk is that someone who commits self-destruction of testosterone later does not like the result. Injections and castration are like jumping off a bridge attached to a bungee cord. If you get the desired result the bungee cord was just the right length. If the result is worse than the original issue, then the bungee cord is too long.

Just a cute little observation, the right testicle has been hiding ever since it got poked twice the other day

Kimi, any signs of being castrated? Hot flashes, lack of erections, shrinking?

Nothing drastic has taken place, not that I expect anything new at this point. One thing to remember is that I went from spiro to the injections. The testicles are smaller than when I started, but that was to be expected. I've had a couple erections since I started, I assume that was due to my stopping spiro when I started injecting (couldn't stand peeing all day lol) I'm pondering getting blood work in a week or two, just to see where I'm at. Of course with no baseline, I don't know what to expect. Hopefully really low so I don't have to continue and can move forward with trying to get them removed.

(Posted this from my new Droid X, not as easy to type without the physical keyboard of my last phone lol)

I'm a trans-woman who lives around Saint Louis, MO. I was diagnosed with clinical depression a year and a half ago and have been taking Lexapro 20mg, which was bumped up to 30mg this January. I took Risperidone 2mg for 5 months, then requested that my Psychiatrist stopped it this January because of possible permanent side effects and dopamine deficiency. Anyway, I've tried many ways to reduce my testosterone and put estrogen into my body. I've tried methods like phyto-estrogenic supplements, but never got much of a reaction out of them. I worked with hops, which is one of the most potent phytoestrogens around, and that seemed to reduce my appetite, motivation, libido and make me depressed. No hot flashes though. I stopped the hops and tried to find a therapist or someone who'd give me an orchiectomy. There's a hospital in Saint Louis that does orchiectomies, but only for cancer and other emergencies. I was able to find a hormone therapist who does transgender hormones, but my psychiatrist hasn't contacted him yet. Plus she wants to be sure that I'm "really" gender dysphoric. So I came across alcohol injections a while ago and after careful consideration, decided to go forth with it. I'm ending this post and continuing on another post since this has become so long. To be continued...

Hi, I'm back again. Now as I was saying,

Marcy Thomas (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:59 pm I came across alcohol injections and after careful consideration, decided to go for

it. I bought 1mg, 30 gauge insulin syringes from Walgreens, which I was surprised were obtainable without a prescription in Illinois (I live in Granite City, 15 minutes from Saint Louis). I could only buy up to 20 a day, which was certainly not a problem. I did have to put name, address, signature and usage info on a notepad the clerk gave me. I put "injection" as usage info. Lol. The syringe needles were shorter than I thought, about 8mm long, but I could still use them as my testicles were 2 cm thick, the left one being a little bigger and hanging lower. On about 2/18/2011, I started with 10 units of 80 proof Vodka in each testicle. First, I washed my entire genital region, and sterilized my penis and scrotum twice with 50% rubbing alcohol. I clamped my testicles with three black sterilized hair rubber bands, afterward sterilizing my scrotum a third time. I was hesitant to inject at first. It was like taking the first step across a bed of hot coals. After a few minutes, I took the leap of faith. I aimed in the center of the side of my right testicle, and slowly injected the needle. It stung going through the scrotum for a few seconds, but I were able to get past that. The pain wasn't as bad as expected penetrating the actual testicular tissue, but it felt a lot different than expected. After the entire needle was inside,

gayaquarius (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 14, 2011 7:34 am I pulled back on the plunger

to make sure I wasn't in a vein. I then proceeded to push the plunger. 2 units by 2 units, I eased in alcohol, waiting until after the strange abdominal aching subsided each 30 seconds. Finally, I was done with the right testicle and proceeded to the left one. After I was finished, I withdrew the syringe and capped it back up. I rubbed my injection sites with alcohol and put my clothes on. I nearly fainted afterward from anxiety though, but that subsided. I didn't feel any pain afterward though, except a little ache in my right testicle the next day. To be continued...

Alright, as I was saying,

Marcy Thomas (imported) wrote: Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:36 am I didn't feel any pain afterward though, except a little ache in my right testicle the next day.

I did a second injection a couple of days later, this time 20 units per testicle. I've decided to now take Ibuprofen, Tylenol OR even an alcoholic beverage, an hour before injections, to block some pain and decrease hesitation (alcohol decreases inhibitions). I made sure I was sober enough to do the injections though. This injection time, I felt a slight bit more after-pain, probably a little more in my right testicle. My after-pain (soreness) lasted for about an hour. A few days later I did my third injection, this time 80 units per testicle, hoping to cause more leydig cell destruction (Leydig cells are the cells that produce testosterone). I felt more after-pain than before, which lasted for a couple of hours. I eventually decided to use Everclear, which is more than twice as strong as 80 proof Vodka. Everclear is actually 190 proof, so that's 95% Ethanol and 5% water. I was so eager to rid further testosterone production faster and more effectively, I didn't care much about a possible increase in pain. I was more cautious though. Everclear is generally difficult to get, and I couldn't get it at the local Shop-&-Save. However, a place in Granite City called Corral Liquors sells Everclear, so I was able to get it, thankfully. The first injection with Everclear was considerably more painful than with Vodka, and I had to go slower. I used an entire ml per testicle this time. There was a noticeable subsequent sting after withdrawal of the syringe, which is probably a very small bit of alcohol exiting through the injection site. After injection, my testicles stayed sorer longer, for about three hours, so I know the Everclear is definitely more effective than Vodka. I waited nearly a week until another Everclear injection, 1ml per testicle. To be continued...

Just going to a state store and buying "Grain Alcohol" don't recall a name brand. After Grain there was Bacardi 151 proof rum....ahhhh college

Like I said before,

Marcy Thomas (imported) wrote: Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:44 am I waited nearly a week until another Everclear injection, 1ml per testicle.

I checked to see if my testicles were shrunken any, but I couldn't really see any noticeable reduction in size. This injection was on March 4, 2011. This time, and last time, I'd get a moment or two of feeling like I would vomit, a heaviness in the throat and an oral secretion of some salty substance. I'd have to stop and wait it out for a minute or two before continuing. A few days after this injection, I noticed that my testicles were smaller than usual, and maybe even more spherical. I'd say they were about 22% smaller in average diameter. This past Friday was my latest injection, which was 1.5 ml per testicle. The sting from withdrawal of the syringe was more painful and lasted nearly a minute. I had to fall to the floor and think of something lustful just to make to pain more bearable (stepping in a masochist's shoes). This injection session didn't trigger any momentary nausea this time. After I was done, the soreness was more than last time, and also lasted about 5 hours. The soreness excites me though, because I know that means that more testicular tissue is being damaged. I've also noticed for the past few days that I've gotten momentary feelings of heat for an hour or so. It's probably a surge in LH beginning to cause hot flashes. Tonight, I kinda broke a sweat. I've also had a failure masturbating (no orgasm or discharge), and lower libido than usual (My libido has been kind of low ever since taking antidepressants). I wonder how much my testicles will shrink to this time.

P.S. My Everclear came in a glass bottle, but to keep the Everclear anonymous, I've been storing my Everclear in a plastic Deja Blue water bottle. Would that cause any problems, like the Everclear stripping chemicals from the plastic, or the Everclear eating through the bottle, since Everclear is so potent?