I really enjoy not being hyper focused on getting off all the time. I have had some episodes of depression and my wife always noticed and commented on it. Usually she'd say something calming and kind like, "why have you been such an asshole lately?". That always made me feel much better and let me upen up to her (note sarcasm).

But she hasn't said anything lately about my mood and since I'm just home on weekends, I give her some love once or twice a weekend. It's enjoyable and I look forward to it and it feels normal. It's funny how much different our bodies react to the same drugs, or T-level. For me, It has maily just reduced the amount of porn, fantasy and masturbation which is exactly what I was aiming to do. As an experiment, I would like to see what it's like to have sero interest in anything sexual but that wouldn't be very fair to wife just to satisfy my curiosity.

ramses (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 01, 2007 3:28 pm I really enjoy not being hyper focused on getting off all the time. I have had some episodes of depression and my wife always noticed and commented on it. Usually she'd say something calming and kind like, "why have you been such an asshole lately?". That always made me feel much better and let me upen up to her (note sarcasm).

But she hasn't said anything lately about my mood and since I'm just home on weekends, I give her some love once or twice a weekend. It's enjoyable and I look forward to it and it feels normal. It's funny how much different our bodies react to the same drugs, or T-level. For me, It has maily just reduced the amount of porn, fantasy and masturbation which is exactly what I was aiming to do. As an experiment, I would like to see what it's like to have sero interest in anything sexual but that wouldn't be very fair to wife just to satisfy my curiosity.

Whew.... Communications breakdown! Its making more sense why your on this road to me. Anyway, I'm pleased to hear its working. I'm just being curious but when your make love to your wife is any part of the "objective" your sexual satisfaction? Do you have any serious urges during the week?

mrt (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 01, 2007 8:04 pm Whew.... Communications breakdown! Its making more sense why your on this road to me. Anyway, I'm pleased to hear its working. I'm just being curious but when your make love to your wife is any part of the "objective" your sexual satisfaction? Do you have any serious urges during the week?

I enjoy quite a bit. I know my T is "lower" but not sure how low. I may have only achieved a moderate reduction in T but I'm pretty happy with where I'm at now.

Day 98- 150mg depo provers today and 2 spiro 100mg daily.

Things seem to be going well. I still don't have any diminished capacity when it comes to sex except for the fact that many night I'm more interested in just going to sleep. Still no morning erections and it seems that my energy level has dropped as I seem to get really tired in the evening. The good thing is that I don't have to take sleeping pills any more. I have also noticed that body hair grows slower after epilating. It comes back slower and finer/lighter.

I also feel a little weaker and am going to start lifting weights again and doing something for cardio. Weight seems to be slowly droping as I'm about 207 right now (as 220 when starting chem). I was 245 this time last year. I still want to get to 190 lbs which is a really fit and healthy weight for me with my frame at 6ft.

One funny thing I've noticed lately is that I think I finally understand why women just don't put out when they are mad at you. Before chem cast., I could enjoy sex with my wife even if I was pissed at her. I could even have sex with a woman I HATED as long as she was attractive enough. The other night, my wife and I had a bit of a spat and the LAST thing I wanted was to be intimate with her.

I still want to boink a good looking girl when I see her but I just don't put any effort in it. The risk just outweighs the return.

ramses (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 20, 2007 7:45 pm Day 98- 150mg depo provers today and 2 spiro 100mg daily.

Things seem to be going well. I still don't have any diminished capacity when it comes to sex except for the fact that many night I'm more interested in just going to sleep. Still no morning erections and it seems that my energy level has dropped as I seem to get really tired in the evening. The good thing is that I don't have to take sleeping pills any more. I have also noticed that body hair grows slower after epilating. It comes back slower and finer/lighter.

I also feel a little weaker and am going to start lifting weights again and doing something for cardio. Weight seems to be slowly droping as I'm about 207 right now (as 220 when starting chem). I was 245 this time last year. I still want to get to 190 lbs which is a really fit and healthy weight for me with my frame at 6ft.

One funny thing I've noticed lately is that I think I finally understand why women just don't put out when they are mad at you. Before chem cast., I could enjoy sex with my wife even if I was pissed at her. I could even have sex with a woman I HATED as long as she was attractive enough. The other night, my wife and I had a bit of a spat and the LAST thing I wanted was to be intimate with her.

I still want to boink a good looking girl when I see her but I just don't put any effort in it. The risk just outweighs the return.

I think the change is in some ways subtle. I was still occasionally "thinking" sexualy but it didn't turn into any action. What you said about anger and it being a big sexual turn off sure is DejaVu for me. Do you find that "anger" happening more often? Like always? Thats pretty much how I remember my asexual self. Frustration, anger, anxiety, being tired all the time and konking out asap at night and waking up tired.

Do you have any projects? Hobbies? Have you done any of them? Another thing that I went through. Dust collects. Like Rust never sleeps?

I don't seem to get any angrier than normal. I do feel a little more empathetic to others (not in a bleeding heart way, though) and possibly feel emotions a bit more intensely. I'm definately more tired in the evening but not so much during the day. As far as frustration, I feel less frustration now from not always being so horny and needing relief. It's almost like being rid of a tooth ache. It feels very liberating. I

I have slacked of of hobbies in the last few years as I just get so busy with work or focused spending time with my girls (age 3 & &). I used to scuba dive alot but not since I left seattle area in 2001. I miss hiking in the mountains up there very much! I have actually been playing my guitar lately which I havn't messed with in the last few years. I've also been very tempted to head out to the firing range and do some target shooting or shoot some clays. I used to play alot of paintball (you get to shoot people and not get in trouble...) but my best friend and I work different jobs now and have different days off. We have been friends since 10th grade (1985).

The only thing that I do not like so far is that in bed, I have a hard time covering up and staying at a comfortable temperature. I can go from freezing cold to very warm in a short time. I don't get any kind of "flushing" feeling, just uncomfortably warm. I am usually cold when I get in bed and wake up warm in the mornings, which is opposite of how I used to be. It does make it hard to snuggle with wife and not break a sweat.

I woke up the other night in a sweat. A real sheat soaker. I had a VERY difficult time getting comfortable. I couldnt touch my wife or would immediately sweat where i was in contact with her but I was cold where I wasn't covered. I ended up cutting on the A/C and turning on a fan so I could cover with a comforter and be comfortable. Maybe I was running a mild fever or the DP is dropping in my system causing a hot flash? I took last injection on NOV19th and should get in next shippment this week.

It is really funny "how much your milage may vary". I started with two injections and repeast sinngle injection every 3-4 weeks with few side effects which are mainly, lack of morning erection and less fixation on sex including much less auto erotica. I have no problem in performing with wife and it doesn't seem to deminish the pleasure or duration. It's odd that I can have that response and someone else can end up in a mental ward and totally impotent. It is SO TRUE that "your milage may vary".

ramses (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:54 pm I woke up the other night in a sweat. A real sheat soaker. I had a VERY difficult time getting comfortable. I couldnt touch my wife or would immediately sweat where i was in contact with her but I was cold where I wasn't covered. I ended up cutting on the A/C and turning on a fan so I could cover with a comforter and be comfortable. Maybe I was running a mild fever or the DP is dropping in my system causing a hot flash? I took last injection on NOV19th and should get in next shippment this week.

It is really funny "how much your milage may vary". I started with two injections and repeast sinngle injection every 3-4 weeks with few side effects which are mainly, lack of morning erection and less fixation on sex including much less auto erotica. I have no problem in performing with wife and it doesn't seem to deminish the pleasure or duration. It's odd that I can have that response and someone else can end up in a mental ward and totally impotent. It is SO TRUE that "your milage may vary".

That was definitely a "hot flash". I have them also, but they seem to be tapering off in intenstity with time. I'm also finding that my libido is going away rapidly as i have not much interest in my wife except for a cuddle or two. As for night erections, I still have them. Your mileage definitely varies!

Dec 20th- Took 150mg DP

I've had a few "very down" days recently. I don't know if it's hormonal or just a normal reaction to stress and crappy situations. I've grown very tired of being on the road and only seeing my family on the weekends so I'm really growing weary of my job (I did have a promising interview today).

Last saturday, my wife found out that the real estate company she worked 7 years for was bankrupt. So suddenly we are missing a $60k income right before christmas. We had a family vacation planned to the Seattle area for ten days but I canceled my ticket and will sell vacation days back to company. I took the wife and kids to airport today, so I have the house to myself.

Luckily the deep depression has not persisted more than a day at a time but it seems really dark when it hits. I actually fended it off a few nights ago with two really large top shelf margaritas. I've had these episodes in the past and they don't seem any worse. I just have to keep it under controll while I look for another job because it is impossible to get motivated enought to send a resume when I'm feeling low. I hope I'm not boring avery one to tears with my diatribe...

ramses, be careful please, your getting to how i felt on lupron. Its not a bad thing if you lighten up the DP a bit, your sounding like the T level has fallen too much for you. My carrier and education fell to shit because i got sucked into the depression, dont let it get to you like i did.