T +84

So, my trial will come to an end at around 15. of August. If there are no sudden changes in plans.

Well, meanwhile I did masturbate yesturday. Everything seem to be the same as it has been during last 2 months. I could achive soft erection in 3 minutes and orgasm in 10-15 minutes afterwards, if I don't loose interest, which I occassionally do. This time orgasm was very shallow and mild. At first I thought I had first dry orgasm since puberty, but after a while few drops of clear liquid emerged. Sometimes it is more clear, other times greyish. But interestingly I have been relatively horny last 2 weeks. I I have been thinking quite often about sexual stuff. Which is weird, as I take 100mg/day of Androcur every day. Perhaps I take another test of my T levels soon, to be sure that T is at castrate levels.

Some thoughts about less joy in eunuch life. Yes, it is not only me who has noticed that. So it must be quite common. Also I feel that I am less organized. And it is difficult to me to start big changes. Like move to another place or ask more salary or search for a new job. Which makes eunuchs more docile for outside observer. But it might not be this way. Not quitting bad job is not a sign of being content with that job. It is a sign of difficulty to take initiative, to organize, to force stuff being done. This might cause depression, which is common in eunuchs. Or this might be one of many reasons for depression. Feeling hopeless.

this reminds me my puberty. As there are many positive effects with high T levels, I remember that extra joy of being alive, there were moments of extra clarity of my mind that I remember clearly to this day. My memory became much better. Suddenly music seemed to obtain deeper meanings, more impression from music that I liked. Small things in everyday life seemed to be interesting I picked up deeper interest in certain stuff, like elctronics. Now all these things I described above are reversed. But that was expected to happen. I still do my stuff and have some joy doing it, but being constantly tired and disinterested in anything, makes progress very slow. Like 5x time slower.

I keep thinking that testosterone sensitivity first, varies in people, as people might feel completely different at same T-levels. And also sensitivity to T lowers over the time. I don't know why. May be there is less T'receptors in older people. Also, I suspect that Androcur could destroy T receptors over time. That is not studied of course.

One more thing, people who plan to start chemical castration, should change their lifestyle before they start with chemical castration. It is much

erikboy (imported) wrote: Fri May 10, 2019 10:11 am easier to continue with physical activity.

It is almost impossible to start any change when you go through rapid drop of T in your body. You are busy with lack of energy, and dealing with other effects you are going through. As I described above, it is more difficult for eunuch to start changes generally. And if you are unable to start it, you might be frustrated and feel down.

But I am still feeling fine with all the above.

Tx, Ericboy, for your excellent personal report !

erikboy (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 07, 2019 1:59 am T +84

So, my trial will come to an end at around 15. of August. If there are no sudden changes in plans.

Well, meanwhile I did masturbate yesturday. Everything seem to be the same as it has been during last 2 months. I could achive soft erection in 3 minutes and orgasm in 10-15 minutes afterwards, if I don't loose interest, which I occassionally do. This time orgasm was very shallow and mild. At first I thought I had first dry orgasm since puberty, but after a while few drops of clear liquid emerged. Sometimes it is more clear, other times greyish. But interestingly I have been relatively horny last 2 weeks. I I have been thinking quite often about sexual stuff. Which is weird, as I take 100mg/day of Androcur every day. Perhaps I take another test of my T levels soon, to be sure that T is at castrate levels.

Some thoughts about less joy in eunuch life. Yes, it is not only me who has noticed that. So it must be quite common. Also I feel that I am less organized. And it is difficult to me to start big changes. Like move to another place or ask more salary or search for a new job. Which makes eunuchs more docile for outside observer. But it might not be this way. Not quitting bad job is not a sign of being content with that job. It is a sign of difficulty to take initiative, to organize, to force stuff being done. This might cause depression, which is common in eunuchs. Or this might be one of many reasons for depression. Feeling hopeless.

this reminds me my puberty. As there are many positive effects with high T levels, I remember that extra joy of being alive, there were moments of extra clarity of my mind that I remember clearly to this day. My memory became much better. Suddenly music seemed to obtain deeper meanings, more impression from music that I liked. Small things in everyday life seemed to be interesting I picked up deeper interest in certain stuff, like elctronics. Now all these things I described above are reversed. But that was expected to happen. I still do my stuff and have some joy doing it, but being constantly tired and disinterested in anything, makes progress very slow. Like 5x time slower.

I keep thinking that testosterone sensitivity first, varies in people, as people might feel completely different at same T-levels. And also sensitivity to T lowers over the time. I don't know why. May be there is less T'receptors in older people. Also, I suspect that Androcur could destroy T receptors over time. That is not studied of course.

One more thing, people who plan to start chemical castration, should change their lifestyle before they start with chemical castration. It is much

erikboy (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 07, 2019 1:59 am 0]
easier to continue with physical activity.

It is almost impossible to start any change when you go through rapid drop of T in your body. You are busy with lack of energy, and dealing with other effects you are going through. As I described above, it is more difficult for eunuch to start changes generally. And if you are unable to start it, you might be frustrated and feel
[/quote]
down.

But I am still feeling fine with all the above.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience in such a detail, you really analyse your feelings well.

One question I have: What now? So you are stopping to take Androcur and will probably have quite some time where you will still feel the effects of low testosterone (I only took it for two weeks and still feel it almost a month later!), but at some point you will be your old male self again, what then? Is surgical castration an option for you? Or do you plan to return to chemical castration in a few months?

tobi24876 (imported) wrote: Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:02 am Thank you so much for sharing your experience in such a detail, you really analyse your feelings well.

One question I have: What now? So you are stopping to take Androcur and will probably have quite some time where you will still feel the effects of low testosterone (I only took it for two weeks and still feel it almost a month later!), but at some point you will be your old male self again, what then? Is surgical castration an option for you? Or do you plan to return to chemical castration in a few months?

It is interesting that I feel indifferent. about surgical castration in future or continuing with chemical. I might continue my current chemical castration out of curiosity to find out how other drugs works, I have to decide yet. But the most annoying thing of being castrated is that lack of energy. It feels like life is rushing ahead like a train, leaving you behind. Lack of morning erections and a very mild sex drive seem to be less important than lack of energy. I stopped taking Raloxifene, which seems like increases sex drive and makes my muscles painful and weaker. The perspective that I might need to take raloxifene or any other drug to feel better or more functional after surgical castration isn't very exciting. But still I think I could cope with surgical castration if I choose it.

But right now, after stopping Androcur, I will wait until I return to as normal as possible. May be my precastration T levels will never return. But we will see. It might take a year or little more.

T +89

Few days ago I woke up with hard on. It was a real hard on. That hasn't happened to me for more than 2 months.

I stopped taking Raloxifen a week ago. It seems like my muscles are more painful now. It seems like some joint pain is returning. Also some sexdrive is returning. I feel like I need to masturbate twice a week. Before, it was like twice a month or once a week. Raloxifen is a drug that acts as an antiestrogen in breast tissue. But it acts as an estrogen in bone tissue. It seems like it makes muscles stronger too and eliminates joint pains and also removes some sex drive. Now I plan to continue with tamoxifene, to see if it affects my sexdrive, which is too high I think. It is a complete estrogen blocker, starving bones from estrogen too. So I won't take it for a too long time.

One more important thing - yesturday when I masturbated, I had a DRY orgasm. Last time it happened, was when I was 13.

I looked at my face in a mirror. It looked different. My skin looked more smooth. There were no spots at all. Skin isn't oily/shiny anymore. It is hard to tell what is different. But there is something different in my face. Eunuch face?

I have thought about many things meanwhile, but I keep forgetting.

Yes, to make boring life better, I try to listen to music that I used to like. It helps me to feel better, more energetic.

One day I had that feeling that I better lay on bed and do nothing. I was also in a quite bad mood as I had things to do but I lacked motivation. Somehow I managed to force myself out and into car to drive toward one place I needed to go. I put on some nice music, and after making a successful phone call to my business partner things seemed to start to solve/move. I felt much better about my progress and much of energy returned, making me happy about getting stuff done. So it is much about your mood to. I've noticed that I could overcome difficulties of lack of motivation and energy, if I could make that first step, it is so damn difficult. But knowing that things start to move after first step, it motivates me more to make that first step.

Allright enough for now.

You may want to read more on Tamoxifen. It is rather selective like Raloxifen and good for the bones. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamoxifen

T +95

It seems like I will continue with my chemcastration for at least one more month. I am still on 100mg Androcur per day. And week ago started Raloxifen again. And my mild horniness seem to vanish again along with muscle and joint pains.

And yes, I have outdated data about Tamoxifen. It acts quite similar to Raloxifen. I plan to switch over to Tamoxifen, to see and feel any differences.

T +99

RED ALERT! Despite I am on 100mg Androcur I am noticing things that should not happen. Today I had like 3rd morning wood in 2 weeks. Despite I had a dry orgasm about a month ago, 3 days ago I ejaculated amount that should not be there. Also I am more often horny than a month ago.

How could it be? Is it my liver that somehow learned to absorb Androcur faster? Like in drunkards, liver activates and they need much more vodka to get drunk?

Anyway Triptorelin is on the way and Blood tests will be done soon.

PS. I am using Tamoxifen instead of Raloxifen for the last 3 days.

just get the fuckers cut off you shouldn't be fucking with your body with all those chemicals. if you don't like the way it feels afterwards just get on testosterone replacement tharapy. i don't have any balls and that's what I do.

Wow. Bull in a china shop anyone? Talk about tact & decorum...

It's the advice of EA in general that a trial run of chemical castration is a good idea to see what the side effects of castration feel like.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this reply, but that was kinda harsh.

Blame it on the wild mushrooms I just ate, I guess. The L. Sulphureus always gets me in a good mood.