Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

micropenis (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:46 am You should consider vaginal construction when you have your surgery. You may or may not want to have penetrative sex afterward, but it is nice to keep the option open. You should try it at least once.

As for the job search...

I know how hard it can be, especially in today' economy. Never give up trying.

Remember: A new job is like sex. It can be a pain in the ass at first, but once you get going you will be glad of it. 😄 🍑👋

I'm definitely considering GRS with the creation of a 'neovagina', as the pros call it! This would provide the 'open' option you describe. 😄 I know I'd like to try penetrative sex.

I appreciate your words of encouragement on my job search, micropenis. Although sometimes it takes me awhile to get over the shock of a major life crisis, like losing a job, I always persevere. Perhaps it's related to a strong stubborn streak that has been pointed out to me on many occasions. :) Although probably less frequently since I transitioned.

I love your analogy between a new job and sex!

Thanks for writing.

Hugs,

Danya
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

Tomorrow, I will travel to Chicago to spend Christmas with Erica Ann and her family. I am tired today, and worn out from my job search. But I have no doubt that once I arrive at their home, I will start to recover and have a wonderful time. I'm also looking forward to meeting Bryan (Terri).

I haven't enjoyed Christmas at all for the last fifteen years, mostly because I have nearly always been alone. There's so much emphasis at the holidays about family and spending time together (enjoyable time, at that.) So, although I was not consciously lonely, I felt a void in my life.

The situation was looking to be even worse this year because I never received a response from my relatives to my letter (mid-November) setting boundaries for an honest and respectful relationship. It already looked like they could accept me only from a distance. Not getting a response to my letter shows that this is, indeed, the case.

The result, however,is that their lack of response has given me a sense of freedom. I no longer hope that one day they will come to accept me. I left the door open for that down the road, if they can abide by the boundaries (such things as mutual respect, at least being willing to be seen with me in public perhaps at my place first, keeping me in the loop on family events) but I doubt that it will ever happen. After all, it's been nearly two year
Danya (imported) wrote: Tue May 27, 2008 9:47 am s since I first told them I am transgender
and provided them with support and reference information. I feel free now to move on with my life while not wasting energy hoping for something that will never be.

Nonetheless, by late November I expected this Christmas to be one of my most difficult. I am unemployed without a biological family for support of any kind.

Fortunately, friends on EA and elsewhere have been very supportive.

Then Erica Ann called one morning some weeks back to invite me to spend Christmas with her and her family. I was on my way out the door for an appointment when she called, to see my gender therapist. As I drove, I was elated by Erica Ann's invitation. People talk about families of choice and I realized, again, how important my family of choice is for me. That it is even more valid for me than my biological family had ever been.

Erica Ann and her spouse are part of my family of choice. I really do view Erica Ann as being my sister. There are others on the Archive, and off, who are also part of this family.

I thought I'd have something more profound to write about this family, but I am very tired. I also need to finish packing for my trip.

Happy Holidays to everyone.
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

I arrived at the home of Erica Ann and her family early this evening, getting out of Minnesota just in time to miss a huge snowstorm! As I approached Chicago, I ran into some sleet, rain and snow but this was a minor annoyance compared to what I left behind. :)

All I want to say for now is it's already clear that this will be the best Christmas of my adult life. I am blessed to have Erica Ann in my life. It seems the more I get to know her, the more I realize what a remarkable woman she is.

[I probably shouldn't write that here - she may see it! 😄]

I am also blessed with the friendship of several other people on EA. I am very fortunate.
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

I spent a wonderful day with Erica Ann and her family, along with a good friend of her youngest son.

By the end of the evening, I was feeling overwhelmed by emotions brought on by the contrast between this Christmas and others. By memories of Christmases from my childhood, which were happy on the surface only. Christmases during my 20-year marriage, when I generally felt stressed by the need to pretend to be someone I was not. In more recent years, I have typically spent Christmas alone, feeling the holiday was merely something to be endured.

What was missing from every previous Christmas of my life was the presence of people who cared about me and accepted me for exactly the person I am. When I was not alone, what people saw was a rather two-dimensional person struggling to match their expectations. My inability to do that was extremely stressful.

This two-dimensional limitation to my personality was brought to my attention by a psychologist years ago. I was stunned by his observation. I felt that I was defective and somehow not a complete person.

He was right, though, and I did not become a complete person (very three dimensional) until I started to address my gender identity. It seems obvious now; I had been repressing a crucial piece of my identity to please others.

So, this Christmas Eve I spent time with a loving group of beautiful people who care about me exactly as the three-dimensional woman I am. They see the complete me and not a two-dimensional, incomplete representation of a person.

Late Christmas Eve, Erica Ann's spouse told me she was concerned Christmas with them would not meet my high expectations. I responded that it was already exceeding my expectations. What everything came down to, from the delicious shared food, the Christmas music, opening of gifts, games around the dining room table and finally my feeling so overcome with emotions that I was in tears - what it all came down to was feeling very much at home and cared for, at long last and by people who fully accept my true self. I could not ask for a better gift.
Mac (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1492
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 10:53 am

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Mac (imported) »

Danya

I am happy to hear that everything went well for you.
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

Christmas day turned out to be the most relaxing and ejoyable holiday ever. For the first time, I was not depressed when the day was over.

Erica Ann, her spouse and I went to and 11 AM Christmas Mass which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Today has been similarly relaxing and perhaps even better. An added benefit was getting to know both of Erica's sons better. I felt completely at home.

Tonight, we're going out to Hunter's nightclub, my third trip there since February. I'm going to wear my 'little black dress' with a pendant Erica kindly lent me. Once we get there, I'll take off my boots to switch into my black, 4" heels. It's very possible that tonight I will dance at Hunter's.

Tomorrow I will return home.

Got to go so I can fix some chipped nails!
mrt (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1657
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 12:00 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by mrt (imported) »

You might not have the cure to Christmas depression or depression in general but it sure sounds like a hell of a good treatment!

Belated Merry Christmas and glad you had a great time!
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

mrt (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 28, 2009 10:05 pm You might not have the cure to Christmas depression or depression in general but it sure sounds like a hell of a good treatment!

Belated Merry Christmas and glad you had a great time!

It was terrific treatment, MrT! Hope you had a good holiday, too.

Hugs,

Danya
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

I left the Chicago area Sunday morning, after spending the evening of December 23 through very early Sunday with Erica Ann, her spouse, children and a few other folks. During the visit, I learned several things:

1. Several months after transitioning, I knew I had become less introverted. Now I know this goes further than I initially realized. During my visit, I spent several days surrounded by people for many hours at a time. Some I had never met before. I was entirely comfortable, actively participated in conversations and board games, sat comfortably for group photos and felt no need to be alone to recharge.

Now that I'm home, I miss having those people around me. I mean I really miss all of them, and Erica Ann most of all. I wish we didn't live so far apart.

I still tend to be an introvert, but there seems to be an extravert part of me now. I am having a little trouble adjusting to being at home by myself.

When I arrived home last night, it was the first time ever that I was not happy to be back.

2. I already knew Erica Ann's spouse is terrific. This visit made that even more apparent. Erica Ann is very fortunate here.

3. I can have interesting discussions with young adults and when we don't agree, I am not bothered. Several of these talks were very stimulating. During my 20s, I tended to believe I had all the answers and thought anyone who did not agree with me was beyond a doubt mistaken. Now, I state and defend my opinion but I am not at all bothered by disagreements.

4. I saw more evidence that little children feel more at ease with me than before I transitioned. On the drive home, I stopped to get a bite to eat. As I was leaving, a young girl of 2 or 3 tried to open the door for me. I thanked her and proceeded to the next door to the outside. The young girl dashed ahead and tried to open that one, too. Then she followed me out onto the sidewalk. I asked her where her parents were and said she'd better go back inside. Just then, her father came up. As she followed him, she turned to me and waved, shouting 'bye!'

5. Saturday evening, Erica Ann, her spouse and I went to Hunter's nightclub. At one point, Erica Ann told me I had an admirer behind me. When I turned to look, he left. He came back later and sat beside me. We spoke for quite awhile and he bought me a drink. I was thrilled! :) He seemed like quite a gentleman and I knew that he would probably want to spend the night together. Early in our conversation, I told him that was not going to happen. Nonetheless, we kept talking for a long time.

We kissed and enjoyed a few other expressions of physical intimacy. I was very comfortable with this. I was never comfortable with the few women I dated before I met my future wife many years ago. Even after I was married, I usually had to psych myself up to get physically intimate.

My experience with the man at Hunter's was very different. I was relaxed, confident and totally into his expressions of intimacy. It was all effortless and fun.
mrt (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1657
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 12:00 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by mrt (imported) »

Well I always thought you blended well. Clearly you really blended with this guy! Thats great! Now, if only he was rich.... ;-)
Post Reply

Return to “Blogs & Life Stories”