Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

Ha those Kirk and Spock actors are way too young. Cradle robber!

You can calm down, MrT. The actors and I are all consenting adults.

Well at least we don't have to worry about your sex drive going to pot.

Whatever sex drive I have is in my mind. My testosterone is undetectable and I do not get physically aroused. I expect this might change if have the orchiectomy. I would then stop taking the testosterone suppressant and my adrenal glands would supply the typical female level of T.

Danya you "blend" very well. The way you look, dress, talk etc are all totally feminine I don't know you any other way so don't continue to be shocked that people accept you for who you are.

I suppose I continue to surprised because, since leaving my job, I am frequently put in social situations that I have not experienced before. Like speaking before a group of over one hundred strangers.

[[quote="Danya (imported)" tim

e=1244362620]
quote="Danya (imported)" time=1

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I appreciate your kind remarks.
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Re the relatives... I've thought long and hard about it. Its still weird to me that they don't get it but maybe its that they are wired to think of you in your pre transition persona and just are not seeing you now enough and thus... Don't get it. And of course some of it might be that they
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see things on TV with over the top drag queens or whatever and think "this" is you when its clearly not.

When I recently wrote to my family, I was very diplomatic but firm. I sent them photos of me at Christmas, so they should know I do not look like a drag queen.

As soon as I locate it, I will place a link here to one of my earlier posts where I quoted Lynn Conway's take on family reactions to relatives who transition between genders. I suspect a lot of her own experience also applies to my family, with the exception that I have never been invited to visit since I transitioned. This is very unusual as they would typically call or write saying they miss should fly to see them.

Here is part of what Lynn Conway wrote about family reactions to transsexual relatives. I quote her at greater length in my post 121 on this thread, on page 9, where I include the URL to her web site:

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=13

130&page=9

"

However, TS women must remember it's not their fault that such things happen, nor is it their family members' fault. Instead, these rejections are caused by deep aspects of human nature being acted out under extremely trying circumstances. What we witness is an almost animal-level reaction to something that seems incomprehensible to close family members.

The more successful that a TS woman is in her transition, the more superstitiously emotional and profoundly shocked a reaction she may get from her family. This should not be surprising, being a natural reaction to witnessing one human being disappear forever and a completely different one replace them.

Try to put yourself in their shoes. Think how you would feel if a beloved son or brother of father transitioned. It's a terrible quandary for family members, especially if they didn't have a clue this was coming. Some family members may try hard to still "see the boy" in the transitioner and cling to the past, and thus alienate the new girl. Others will

suddenly "don't know this new person who seems to have killed the boy", feel grief at the loss of their loved one, and feel great anger at the "st

ranger" (the transitioner) for making this all happen.

"

Anyway, glad you had a great Thanksgiving.

How did it go with your surgeon? Did she find a good code to put in that the insurance would accept?

I should find out later this week if the insurance company will approve the orchiectomy.

Hugs,

Danya

[John (imported)]

Hi John,

I am pleased with my breast development, which is continuing. I can tell because of the tenderness. I am somewhere between an A and B cup size.

I have worn a bra for close to a year and a half now.

Hugs,

Danya

Congratulations!

Greetings

John

[mrt (imported)]

I wonder if telling them that the person they miss (or think is dead etc) is still you and that this is the same person that they always knew. The difference being that

a. You can openly show who you are inside and ,,,

b. Your much happier now, not having to try to be something your not.

Well I wish you luck with the insurance. And hopefully your adrenals WILL make enough. I have a theory that they don't so don't be afraid to ponder adding that to the mix. As odd as that might seem. It clearly helps "Mrs T"

[Danya (imported)]

I wonder if telling them that the person they miss (or think is dead etc) is still you and that this is the same person that they always knew. The difference being that

a. You can openly show who you are inside and ,,,

b. Your much happier now, not having to try to be something your not.

You and I had this same discussion last year. I have discussed all these things with them (many times) and even suggested they visit to see how happy I am. And also that I am accepted wherever I go. It hasn't worked.

In many of these situations, the family doesn't give a hoot how happy you are. They're more concerned with what the neighbors will think, or their church or...on and on.

Well I wish you luck with the insurance. And hopefully your adrenals WILL make enough. I have a theory that they don't so don't be afraid to ponder adding that to the mix. As odd as that might seem. It clearly helps "Mrs T"

I hope to hear by tomorrow whether the surgery will be covered.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I have been feeling discouraged the last two weeks because I haven't had any interviews lately. This afternoon, I submitted my resume to a recruiter for a position that matches my qualifications well.

The recruiter called me within 5 minutes of receiving my resume and I found out that I'm an even better fit for this than I initially thought. The company has been looking for a combination of things that few people have. I'll speak more with the recruiter, and possibly the hiring manager, tomorrow. I am hopeful I will have an interview and get the job. The hiring company wants to move quickly.

A very good thing is that the job is not a replacement, but it is to fill a new position created because the company is growing even in this economy. It's a bit of a drive from my home, but at least it is away from the cities, so there would not be much traffic. They would also let me telecommute on a regular basis.

It would pay close to what I made at my old position, too.

If they move too quickly, I might have to give up the idea of having an orchiectomy this year. I'd gladly do that, of course, to have a job. This one sounds challenging, which I like.

[John (imported)]

Hi My Friend!

How happy I got, for your apparently good news, I´ll both cross my fingers and pray for your new position!

Greetings

John

[Danya (imported)]

Hi My Friend!

How happy I got, for your apparently good news, I´ll both cross my fingers and pray for your new position!

Greetings

John

Greetings John,

I appreciate your good wishes and prayers. Things are moving along with this new job opportunity and I think there is a good chance of my getting it. If I don't, I've got other possibilities in the pipeline. I've also started to look outside my home state.

Hugs,

Danya

[Mac (imported)]

Dear Danya,

Good luck with your interview. Are you seeking the position as your true self (Danya)?

[Danya (imported)]

Dear Danya,

Good luck with your interview. Are you seeking the position as your true self (Danya)?

Hi Mac,

I very definitely am seeking the position as my true self. I never go out in public any other way. It's who I am and must remain to be happy.

There's the other factor, not that it would make a difference, but since my legal name is now a feminine one it would be difficult trying to find a job not being my true self.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Turns out my insurance will not pay for an orchiectomy. I am disappointed but not surprised. I will still find a way to reach my goals, even if it means getting there is postponed a few years.

I spent part of the day at yet another of the area malls with my unemployed friend. At this time of year, I avoid the Mall of Death like the plague, it is more crowded than I can tolerate. So these are perfect weeks to explore the many smaller, more human scale malls around the cities. Along the way, I'm learning all kinds of things about the

construction of women's clothing.

My friend is an excellent seamstress and makes a lot of her own clothing. The amount of time we spend looking at clothing, trying to decide what it's made of without touching it and commenting on its faulty construction is amazing.

She is the same person who purchased a bra for me because, as she put it, 'I am less unemployed than you!' Today, I decided to stop and look at the OPI line of nail polish. This is what Erica Ann uses and her nails always look terrific. Turns out I remembered the correct name of Erica Ann's polish. My friend decided she would buy it as part of my Christmas gift. I can't wait to put it on. Doing my nails is very relaxing. I'll probably watch 'Love Actually' during the process. Last year, I viewed the film at least ten times.

As we passed the numerous mall jewelry stores, my friend quite appropriately warned me not to stop long to admire the gems. Truth is, while I still like jewelry, I am no longer tempted at all to buy anything, which is a good thing particularly since I am unemployed.

Late in the afternoon, we stopped at a bookstore. My friend likes to check out the bridal magazines to keep up to date on the latest fashions. I commented that I only like the covers of those that show not only the bride, but also a man holding or kissing her.

That reminded me to tell her of my visit to the dentist earlier in the week. After the hygienist cleaned my teeth, the most handsome dentist I had ever seen came in to examine my mouth. I had taken my glasses off for the cleaning so I could not see him clearly when he came in. He had a gorgeous voice. When he got close enough so I could get a good, though still blurry, view of his face I felt like saying 'take off your mask and kiss me!'

This prompted my friend to recount what a younger man at a train stop had said to me last week. His comment 'your ear rings are beautiful, are they pink?' left me a little confused and, not at all usual for me, without a response. My friend told him they were red rubies. Today, she informed me that he had been flirting with me! I still tend to be a little naive about flirting. A wolf whistle I understand immediately and even enjoy, to the consternation of some of my friends. Things like comments on my earrings are another matter. They seem so innocent, don't they??

I am waiting to hear more on the promising job possibility I mentioned a week or so back. I checked on the status a few days ago and it seems I am in the running. Time will tell and in this economy the employers can afford to take their time making decisions.

Something strange is happening and it hasn't happened in a number of years, perhaps decades. I am getting in the Christmas spirit, whatever that means. Whatever it is, I've got it. I suppose it's partly the music and I don't mean the inane songs like the dog barking out Jingle Bells. It's more music I draw out of memory, not what I hear in stores, that has a deep meaning for me and only in part because it is finely crafted. Another part of what's happening is the friends I have who, even when they may not know it, are helping me at this difficult time.

I was even going to put up my Christmas tree when a very special woman invited me to visit for the holiday. Her invitation 'exacerbated' my condition; I felt even happier and more in the spirit of things.

For a long time, I haven't enjoyed Christmas much at all and I can relate to those who feel downright depressed, or have other negative reactions, to the holiday. This year will be a very different experience, a happier one, thanks in large part to Erica Ann's invitation.

Some months after I transitioned at work, I wrote how surprised I was that my life and happiness continued to get better after that first wonderful day when I started living my life full time as my true self. I am even more surprised that, despite being unemployed, the same thing is continuing. I have had a few set backs but, and may have more, but my happiness and satisfaction with life and who I am are still increasing.