Hi!

It's been a good last few days. Between the Midwest E.A. meeting this past weekend, the progress and the effects of the H.R.T. on me, both mentally and physically and my second appointment with my Endocrinologist tonight.....it's been good.

Once again, I got a pretty through examination by him with all the normal things like blood pressure testing and blood samples for hormone testing. He has now increased my estrogen dosage to 5 Mg.'s a day, which is very exciting....at least to me. My breasts had already become pretty tender at 4 Mg.'s a day and are showing good signs of growth. I've achieved a solid and substantial "A" cup and I'm well on my way to filling that long sought after "B". I can't wait to see what 5 Mg.'s is going to do! The fat redistribution is also well under way and I can continue to see the effects that it's starting to take on my face.

The overall feeling of...how can I put this....um....general well being is about the best term I can come up with. It's wonderful just to be happy instead of all those other feelings that so well associated with GID.

OMG! It's almost like it's too good to be true. I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up and find out that it's all been a dream.

I am so happy for you. Hope it all continues the way you want.

LindaLeah

Hi Everyone,

Just really depressed today. I've been having to deal with the bill from the hospital from that very unfortunate incident that occurred 4 weeks ago with the Phyc ward and it's just brought back all the frustration, hurt and memories from that night. I was doing pretty good and time was beginning to heal and put some distance between me and that incident, but now it's all back and in my face again.

I can't even begin to put into words the feelings I'm experiencing, i.e.; the humiliation, the loss of dignity and self worth and the loss of my own inner pride is really depressing me, like I have never been depressed in my entire life. I even found myself praying for an early death this afternoon. I can't do it myself, but maybe the Lord will bring this existence to end. One can only hope.

I don't know if I can go on in my life without my dignity and self respect. What's really ironic is that in everyone's rush and panic to help that night, they actually did more harm to me than good. I feel like damaged goods and just don't know how to get it back again.

Hopefully the Lord will hear my prays and answer them soon.

Hi Erica Ann, I am sorry to hear your going through all these depressing feelings. I can only imagine. I sure hope things get better for you sweetie. I know how bills can be, and the phone calls too. I really enjoyed talking to you in the chatroom, it was nice to see you there. I've had a lot of depression this past year myself. I keep a lot of it inside, sometimes I talk to my friends here, and my boyfriend in Portugal. I went to visit him back in April for 2 weeks. It was the most happiest time i've had in a long long time. I get very depressed wondering when I'm gonna get back to him. I do truely love him very much..... But enough of me. Erica Ann, I surely hope you get those bad thoughts out of you mind, I surely want to keep you as a friend. And I know many here that want you also as there friend. So please try not to let them bad memories get to you, we love you here girlfriend. Take Care.

love, Lilac

Erica, so sorry to hear yesterday wasn't all that great But each day brings a new promise, and new possibilities. I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but things will get better, I promise. I have been down that dark well myself before and my heart goes out to you. I know what you mean - particularly by the "loss of dignity". You have a community here who loves you and cares about you. And - believe it or not - (I didn't when I woke up in hospital!) - they do these things because they care.

My parents wouldn't talk to me for a while after they found out I was visiting Dr Kimmel. I'm very sure they will eventually warm up to the idea. Blood is thicker than water, and they are your parents.

There is a poem I remember reading at that time in my life I would like to share with you, if I may:

One night I dreamed a dream.

I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

I will be thinking of you. Please keep writing, posting your feelings so we can all help. I'm sure everyone here wants to see you get back to your true self real soon . And extra huge cuddles really help

Please PM me anytime you are feeling down. I'm probably the last person you want to speak to . But hey, it's always great to talk

Take care,

Hi Everyone,

Thanks so very much for your thoughts and concerns. I do appreciate them and they went a long way in helping me feel better about the whole thing.

I feel I just need some time to distance myself from the whole mess and I was doing pretty good at it until that damn bill brought back all those nasty feelings from 4 weeks ago. Told the spouse last night that the bill is something she's going to have to deal with....I just can't do it.....it's just too darn painful. :-\

It also helps that I have now basically transitioned, full time, on the weekends and that does make me feel a lot better being myself, as I am today. Went last night for a manicure and pedicure which also made me feel better too....couldn't hurt, right?

I've just got to suck it up and keep moving on...there is no other alternative.

The spouse and I also going out tonight to our favorite night club and I'm going to wear this new cute outfit I picked up. I can do that tonight because my new brown pumps showed up yesterday so I now have the shoes I needed to wear with the brown outfit. Brown, which is not exactly my favorite color, is the new "in" color this fall.

Going to have lunch with Terri today so that should be fun and helpful. We TG/girls do need to lean on each other occasional for some support. That's why its so nice to have friends!

Take care everyone and thanks again for "the good thoughts".

***************

P.S. Just got off the phone with my doctor from discussing the latest hormone test results and he's pushed me up to 6 Mg.'s a day of estrogen starting in two weeks. WOW, NOW THAT'S REALLY MADE ME FEEL BETTER!

Oh! Erica Ann, you look so great in that pic. Wow!! Now I really like what you wrote today. That sounds so much better sweetie. You look marvelous darling... *smiles* Have fun tonight you and your wife. Say hello to Terri for me please.

Love and hugs, Lilac

Hi!

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 13, 2006 6:59 pm It's been a good last few days. Between the Midwest E.A. meeting this past weekend, the progress and the effects of the H.R.T. on me, both mentally and physically and my second appointment with my Endocrinologist tonight.....it's been good.

Once again, I got a pretty through examination by him with all the normal things like blood pressure testing and blood samples for hormone testing. He has now increased my estrogen dosage to 5 Mg.'s a day, which is very exciting....at least to me. My breasts had already become pretty tender at 4 Mg.'s a day and are showing good signs of growth. I've achieved a solid and substantial "A" cup and I'm well on my way to filling that long sought after "B". I can't wait to see what 5 Mg.'s is going to do! The fat redistribution is also well under way and I can continue to see the effects that it's starting to take on my face.

The overall feeling of...how can I put this....um....general well being is about the best term I can come up with. It's wonderful just to be happy instead of all those other feelings that so well associated with GID.

OMG! It's almost like it's too good to be true. I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up and find out that it's all been a dream.

I know exactly how you feel! Although I'm kind of taking the journey in the other direction. Getting on enough HRT to be healthy is amazing. Feeling "male" or in your case "female" has to be amazingly powerful stuff. I know how getting a dose increase is a "Wow! Thats great" moment. I remember that I got bumped one too high and had to come down. I felt a little "cheated" but of course the Doctor was correct. My mood went from so dark and uncaring to happy and confident. My anxiety? Gone! Energy to spare and having my sexual "wiring" drive etc all return has been an amazing experience. Its so great to hear your feeling better. Good luck! BTW I like your new pix. Ahh... What was the old one? I never quite understood it.

Thank you everyone for your compliments on the new avatar. I must be feeling better about myself! Never thought I'd be brave enough to post such a photo, but as I progress further into transition, I'm finding that my confidence is building with every passing day.

By the way, that photo was taken this past May, 5 months on HRT, 2 months post castration. No FFS, I would have to guess that's pretty obvious!

Had a great time out last night. Met a very classy TV by the name of Trish. It's a pity that all of us TG/Girls can't look like this person, as he has a very easy time passing based on his looks and build.

Erica Ann,

Good to see you are in better spirits. And that new Avatar, puts you out there girl. Well done!

You know, I just realized your first name initials are the same as the Archive; E.A. How about that...