Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[kennath7 (imported)]

Danya

It’s really good to find you in good spirits

I hope things go well for you

Keep pressing forward toward your goal of fully becoming the person

You feel you are inside

You are doing a good job staying focused do not lose that

You have grown leaps and bounds

You have become a beautiful woman keep up the good work

[mrt (imported)]

I may have been experiencing PMS symptoms today. Truth is, I was very frustrated about some issues related to the treatment of transgender and transsexual persons. A kind friend put up with my ranting for far too long. Then I spoke with my boss privately about much of the same stuff, although I presented it to him differently, of course.

Occasionally, I feel that I am fighting an uphill battle for my rights, as a TG person, all by myself. This is not really the case and there are people of good will all around who agree with my 'cause'. My rights are simply not an urgent issue for them, however.

Issue 1: A person, who should know better, suggested that 'sexual orientation', as a protected category in a non-discrimination policy, would certainly cover transgender people, too, right???

Isssue 2: Someone else, whom I also would have expected to know better, recently suggested that a company might exclude health insurance coverage for Gender Reassignment Surgery so as not to be viewed as promoting transsexuality. Huh?? Is this similar to irrational fears that homosexuals are recruiting little gay people from the ranks of children? What decent person would condone such a thing?? Or is there a fear that, with GRS coverage, all sorts of employees would suddenly decide a new vagina or penis is just what they've been missing?

Issue 3: Not related to my rights at all, but a little unsettling. I rarely feel old, although I am 57. Today, though, a coworker announced he had just turned 27. I thought, Oh My God, I'm 30 years older than him and over twice his age. How did this happen? I used to be the one people told "Oh, you're so young." As long a no one starts calling me "Granny", I'll be OK.

Health insurance "morality" drives me nuts. If they were to ever look at the costs of GRS based on how often this is used? It would be NOTHING! Its just not done that often. And who on earth would do this that REALLY didn't need it. Without making everyone who has a fetish interest in having their penis removed angry. Its just not that common a wish. Or at least I think so.... On a different wavelength but still on the "morality" of insurance. I'm quite amazed that they can exclude drugs like Viagra because they are "lifestyle" drugs. Or they limit them to 6 pills a month etc. What "lifestyle" is it that we are talking about. Those that have sex drives and participate in sex? I suppose the Insurance folks believe the only sex done is for procreation. As when I was 8 or 9 and figured my parents had sex only 3 times since there were three of us kids. PLEASE!!!

Doesn't this stupid stuff just make you want to scream?!

[paulault (imported)]

Seems most people think sexual orientation and gender identity are the same thing, i know i have been asked by people and have had to set them straight, the doctor that does my laser hair removal and that lived and worked in Trinadad Colorado, knows Marcy Bowers and worked with many transsexual patients didn't know this but she does now. I'm not going to be ft till next year and my companies EO policy does not say gender identity, only sexual identity, i checked with them and transitioning will not be a problem so i suspect i may not be the first to do so.

Most company health care policies don't pay for much, and i agree paying for SRS or FFS for those transitioning is a mere drop in the bucket. There is so much miss information floating around like people think it's a disease and they might catch it . I'm sure if insurance covered transitioning everyone would want to transition, who wouldn't want to lose their family, job, friends, home etc.

I know how you feel Danya, i turned 57 last Saturday, although i look and feel much younger, i envy those younger than i that are transitioning now, but i know trying to transition back in the 60's or 70's would get you locked up in a mental hospital, the younger ones don't know how good they have it these days.

I'm thinking maybe i should start my own thread on transitioning here even though i have several others.

Paula.

[Danya (imported)]

Danya

It’s really good to find you in good spirits

I hope things go well for you

Keep pressing forward toward your goal of fully becoming the person

You feel you are inside

You are doing a good job staying focused do not lose that

You have grown leaps and bounds

You have become a beautiful woman keep up the good work

Hi Kennath7,

Thanks for your very kind words and thoughtfulness. You say a number of important things in a few words. I really appreciate your comments "You have grown by leaps and bounds. [quote="kennath7

(imported)" time=1239263580]
You have become a beautiful woman keep up the good work.

"

Hugs,

Danya

Health insurance "morality" drives me nuts. If they were to ever
[/quote]
look at the costs of GRS based on how often this is used? It would be NOTHING! Its just not done that often.

There are many studies that show that the cost, to companies who include GRS coverage, is minimal. It seems my own employer continues to exclude it, but I have not given up. I will build a better case over the next several months and resubm

it this to management. The tide is changing, slowly, and more companies include this coverage every year.

....As when I was 8 or 9 and figured my parents had sex only 3 ti

mes since there were three of us kids. PLEASE!!!

Doesn't this stupid stuff just make you want to scream?!

MrT,

When I was 8 or 9, I had no idea my parents

had ever had sex. Things is, I didn't know what sex was. LOL

Yeah, the stupid stuff does make me want to scream. That's exactly what I told the friend I called when I was frustrated by all this.

Hugs,

Danya

Seems most people think sexual orientation and gender identity are the same thing, i know i have been asked by people and have had to set them straight, the doctor that does my laser hair removal and that lived and worked in Trinadad Colorado, knows Marcy Bowers and worked with many transsexual patients didn't know this but she does now. I'm not g

oing to be ft till next year and my companies EO policy does not say gender identity, only sexual identity, i checked with them and transitioning will no

t be a problem so i suspect i may not b

e the first to do so.

Hi Paula,

I'm very happy to hear that transitioning won't be a problem at your company.

I am surprised your doctor did not know the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity, since she's worked with a number of trans patients and knows Marci Bowers. I'm glad you set her 'straight'!

Most company health care policies don't pay for much, and i agree paying for SRS or FFS for those transitioning is a mere drop in the bucket. There is so much miss information floating

around like people think it's a disease and they might catch it . I'm sure if insurance covered transitioning everyone would want to transition, who wouldn't want to lose their family, job, friends, home etc.

I need to double-check that GRS is actually still being excluded by my employer. They do not exclude hormones, gender therapy and other non-surgical options related to transitioning. They list a sur

gery exclusion on the web site, but it is vague and may include GRS while excluding FFS, etc. I need to talk with someone about this, rather than make assumptions based on the web site. That may even be out-dated.

I know how you feel Danya, i turned 57 last Saturday, although i look and feel much younger, i envy

those younger than i that are transitioning now, but i know trying to transition back in the 60's or 70's would get you locked up in a mental hospital, the younger ones don't know how good they have it these days.

You may not have noticed, Paula, that I started a Happy Birthday Paulault thread to wish you a happy birthday.

Occasionally I envy the younger folks, too. Mostly, though, I accept that it took m

e this long to transition for some very good reasons. The most important time is right now. I agree, it's easier

for younger folks, at least in some ways. Being older when you transition has some advantages, too.

I'm thinking maybe i should start my own thread on transitioning here even though i have several others.

Paula.

If you find it therapeutic, or just fun, to write about your experiences, I encourage you to start your own transition thread.

I have never kept a personal journal of my life. For some reason, unless I think there's a chance someone will read what I write, I'm not interested. Having my story here makes it easy to go back and see how far I have come.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

If I do not write any new posts over the coming weeks, or even months, it is because I am putting a lot of effort into getting where I need to be in my life. I value everyone's responses on this thread and to posts I've made elsewhere on the Archive. There are a number of people here who are friends, including some I have never met. There are also many wonderful, caring people here.

I mention this now only so you know that nothing is wrong if I am not posting. Especially since I have been posting very regularly for quite some time. I will update this thread when I have something major I want to report.

I always answer PMs and emails and welcome those from anyone who wants to contact me.

[Danya (imported)]

I have a number of things I want to report.

My latest lab work shows that my testosterone (both free and total) is now below the detection limit.

Estradiol (estrogen) is now 250. My former male self would had been certain to include the units. Now, while I would normally do that, I don't have the time to look it up and I am not bothered by leaving out the units.

I am happy with the estrogen results. My HRT doctor said these results fluctuate, anyway. I'll see her again in three months.

I am making a lot of new friends and I find this easy. Forming friendships was never easy for the male person I used to be.

Not only do I form friendships easily, I find I easily care about what is happening in friends lives. Before transitioning, I thought I cared. A lot of that was caring based on thinking 'it is right to care.' Now, my caring is a deep emotional response to people.

As a friend pointed out, my brain continues to be rewired by estrogen. There are even more types of movies I enjoy now than even a few months ago. The other night, I watched "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and thought the talking animals (and this is not an animation) were adorable. I had a strong dislike for 'talking animals' before transitioning, although if they were cartoons I could handle it.

Then the two Chihuahuas finished the movie in love. I was sobbing at that point. It wasn't because I thought "Isn't that wonderful, two dogs love each other". It was the idea of the importance of love that made me cry.

The temperatures were pleasant yesterday. When I left the office, I decided to walk outside to get to the parking ramp. As I walked next to my office building, three young men made comments about how attractive I was. I was well dressed and my off-black nylons and black 4" inch heels may have contributed to their reaction.

One of the young men wanted me to turn around for them so they could see me better. I gave a polite 'no' as I smiled. Another of the trio then warned his pals that they needed to be careful or else 'her husband might come after us.'

From their tone and demeanor, I am positive they did not pick up that I am transsexual. I enjoyed their attentions.

I am spending most of my free time:

1. Deciding the best course of action to bring in more money.

Two Archive friends who have seen my photos have strongly urged me to consider selling some as greeting cards. I will meet with a marketing consultant to get his take on this and what I would need to do to get this, and other parts of a photography side business, to work. Based on how that discussion goes, I will decide whether to proceed or abandon this idea. If I give it up, I will continue pursuing photography as a hobby but sell much of my equipment. I do not want to have problems with the IRS over business versus personal expenses.

If I give up the idea of making money with my photography skills, I will do something else. I am actively investigating several other possibilities.

2. Practicing the piano and pipe organ. I am narrowing my music selection for a possible piano recital. I practice the piano every day now, without fail. I think my playing has never been as good as it is now. This is related to

finally being who I truly am.

Last Sunday, I played the pipe organ for two church services and had a blast.

Last Tuesday, I went to my internist to get my back pain checked out. He ordered an X-ray because of my elevated risk for compression fractures, a result of osteoporsis. My osteoporosis is improving with treatment but the goal of that is to reduce fracture risk. Tests show this is happening, but I will never have 'normal' bones again in the hip, spine, wrist and similar areas.

The X-ray showed no compression fractures. I saw a phsyical therapist today. He was quite handsome and I joked with him about his diagnosis of "bone sprain" and was dying to ask if he made house calls! I have exercises to do to reduce the pain and I will see him twice next week.

I was given two free tickets to a performance of the male vocal ensemble Chanticleer. They are a very polished group and sing all types of music. They have many albums, too, some of which I have. I've never heard them live. I invited one of my new friends along and she accepted. I can't wait. The concert is tomorrow night. I will wear one of my 'little black dresses' to the beautiful concert hall.

[OneBallBoi (imported)]

Danya.. You better best be to the 2009 MoM.. I want to sit with you talk things over. You are special that I am proud to know. A very special lady.

[Danya (imported)]

Danya.. You better best be to the 2009 MoM.. I want to sit with you talk things over. You are special that I am proud to know. A very special lady.

Hi OneBallBoi,

It's great to hear from you, my friend. I will definitely be at MoM and I would love to have more time to talk with you than we had last year. You really impressed me then.

Thanks for your very kind words.

Hugs,

Danya

[billiejean789 (imported)]

Danya, sorry to hear about your brother's attitude. I've been there, done that, and got the T-shirt. After coming out, I have found that you generally keep your best friends and the others well- they were never really good friends anyway(and they rapidly disappear in your rear view mirror). I wish you the very best.

[Danya (imported)]

Danya, sorry to hear about your brother's attitude. I've been there, done that, and got the T-shirt. After coming out, I have found that you generally keep your best friends and the others well- they were never really good friends anyway(and they rapidly disappear in your rear view mirror). I wish you the very best.

Hi Billiejean,

Thanks for writing and for the good wishes.

I've accepted that

my religiously conservative brother

is unlikely to ever truly accept me for who I am. It was very painful, at first, but I am OK with it now.

You've got the right outlook, that's for sure. I'm lucky in that I am finding lots of new friends to replace those few who abandoned me.

I wish all good things for you, too.

Hugs,

Danya