Shame and regret...but I’d do it again!

[Nidaho Rachel (imported)]

I feel the same regret that Lesley feels. I'm sure if I had all this wealth of information and support networks in the 1970's when I was in my teens I would have become a much different person then I am today. I'm sure me and the two boys in the basement would have parted shortly after I was of legal age. I most likely would have gone for full gender transition.

So my shame and regrets is that I didn't take action on who I need to be in my late teens and become that person.

Their was so little information available to me at that time. If I was 18 right now I would have been on hormone blockers looking forward to getting my orchiectomy!

[justine77 (imported)]

Hi Nidaho Rachel, I'm 26 but my opinion is that it's never too late, you could do more in 1 year than some people could do in a lifetime. Justine x

[Nidaho Rachel (imported)]

Thank you for the kind words. I have watched a older friend go through transition to female and I now a nice in her mid twenties that has transitioned to female. From my observation people from your generation are far more accepting of of non- binary gender people then my generation. My older friend has had a much harder time being accepted then my nice that is over 6'6" tall. At my age it comes down to will all the bull shit you have to go through make you that much happier for the time you have left on this side of the grass.

[cutnbulls2ox (imported)]

So although I was perfectly capable of biologically producing a child until very recently, I chose not to. I have raised 4 children, fostered, and now am a youth leader to boys aged 12 to 17, many of whom do not have a "father" in their life. Only last night a boy called me to say he was stuck with a broken bike. I was his first call. Being a father isnt anything to do with planting your seed in a female. My step kids all come to me first, not their biological father. I have "fathered" many children and continue to do so. You can be a real father any time you choose! There are lots of wonderful children out there desperate for you to make that decision!

Immensely admirable ! You prove a man can be a non breeder by choice and still be a father to other men s kids, especially boys wanting a grown man to care about them and show an interest in them. Most men are afraid of all kids, fearing the accusations of being a pedophile keeps kids deprived of men s time, companionship, help, influence, teaching, role modeling, and any contact with grown men. Its great to hear you broke through those fears and risks to make yourself available to so many kids in need.

[russianboy (imported)]

So although I was perfectly capable of biologically producing a child until very recently, I chose not to. I have raised 4 children, fostered, and now am a youth leader to boys aged 12 to 17, many of whom do not have a "father" in their life. Only last night a boy called me to say he was stuck with a broken bike. I was his first call. Being a father isnt anything to do with planting your seed in a female. My step kids all come to me first, not their biological father. I have "fathered" many children and continue to do so. You can be a real father any time you choose! There are lots of wonderful children out there desperate for you to make that decision!

Very clever!

[MikeGrant (imported)]

Why " very clever"?

[Atreyu69 (imported)]

I don't know much but this I know for sure. Young or old, voluntary or involuntary, there should never be any shame associated with being a eunuch or being nullified. I'd know that's easy for me to say, I'm intact and plan to stay that way. But I dream of a world where young intact boys and young eunuchs could shower together with no more concern than cir'ed boys showering with uncir'ed boys. Some interest in the differences and some debate over which was better, but neither group feeling in anyway superior to the other. Diversity should be celebrated not reviled.

[cutnbulls2ox (imported)]

I think that s closer to happening than you think.

For many years I coached and taught swimming to all ages from tiny kids to teens to adults. I d freeze all day long getting in and out of cold water and hardly get warmed up all day long. Finally after my last classes, I d get to strip off my wet trunks and take a long hot shower in the locker rooms to warm up. Whatever age groups happened to be in my own and other coaches or teachers groups would be showering with me. My testicles would usually be fully retracted up into my abdomen and completely hidden and my scrotum empty from hours of cold water causing both my balls to retract thru my inguinal canals up in my gut. My balls did this automatically from trying to keep my balls warm and my sperm from all dying of cold exposure. I had no control over it at all.

It usually took at least 30 minutes or more of warming before my balls would warm up enough to drop down into my sack at all again, and even longer time before my balls would reel out to relax and hang low in my scrotum.

So I looked completely nutless and castrated in front of tons of boys and men in the big open locker room showers and dressing in locker rooms on a daily basis. The boys and men using the gyms and weight rooms shared the same central showers and locker rooms.

Boys and men would do a double look or look for a long time to confirm that my cold shrunken scrotum had no balls at all in it. At first they d think I must have high hangers or tiny balls. But all soaped up and wet in the showers it was obvious my sack was empty. Only the bravest few boys and men would calmly ask me why I had no balls ?

The other men and boys nearby would listen to my answer intently.

I d point to the 2 lumps under my ab skin and way up by my belly button and explain how these are my balls, pulled way up here. I d explain how I was so cold that my retractable balls would pull way up there for warmth and it took a long time to warm up enough to get them to drop back down into my scrotum.

The boys and men would say their balls never did that. I said mine always do if I m cold long enough.

Most of those boys and men never saw my balls in my sack at all. It took too long to warm up and I d be showered, dressed, and gone before my balls dropped back in my bag. The few who saw me naked or showering at other times with my low hangers weighing my scrotum down and obviously blessed with 2 very big balls low in my long scrotum were amazed. They said they thought I was castrated and just making up a story when guys asked me why I was nutless. They d say, you really do have 2 big balls in there ! That made me extra proud since I knew many of the boys and men seeing my cold empty sack didn t believe I had any balls.

But the whole point of this is that boys and men never teased me or acted fearful or ashamed or unkind when so many saw my completely empty and shrunk up scrotum in the showers and locker rooms.

Easily thousands of different men and boys clearly saw my empty and shrunk to a cold numb scrotum and no one ever teased me or made any mean remarks at all. Only calm questions from a few on how did I lose my balls ? Most never heard anyone ask me where my balls were and never heard any of my answers. Most just thought I was castrated and no one said anything about it most of the time. I was just a big hairy eunuch jock that lost my balls somehow to the vast majority of those boys and men.

Almost what you describe and already what I live routinely.

[paring (imported)]

cutnbulls2ox

Nice story, It didn't affected your pride because you knew you still had balls and you explain this to whoever dared to ask questions. Perhaps it'd have been different if you were castrated and they would have found out. As Qunuch81 said, he felt comfortable being naked among other modded men but a shame while among intact men. It's a bit like being chemically vs physically castrated, I'd say the later must have a deeper impact, when naked, especially among intact men. I'd say, most castrated men would have an apprehension to show up naked for the first time among intact men. We all feel comfortable chatting about castration among our peers, I guess, it wouldn't be so easy to do it among intact men. I'd say that the majority of men here are wannabes and we all have this same dream to be castrated but what stops us is this apprehension to eventually be seen without balls in various places. It is already difficult for some intact men to show off naked even less without balls. Lets not forget that for many of us, castration is part of humiliation fantasy, that is being the ultimate one. Castration for medical reason is acceptable while castration as fetishistic reason would be shocking for most outsiders. That's why very few make it public.

[cutnbulls2ox (imported)]

Paring,

I agree its way easier having a bunch of men and boys convinced I m castrated than to actually be castrated. That s a huge difference in self image and self confidence for sure.

What amazes me is how little most men and boys even reacted to seeing a small empty scrotum on me naked. After figuring out my bag was empty, they went on showering or changing without saying anything at all about it. Even boys, who are most willing to ask questions and not filter what they think or say, would obviously notice, take a long closer look across the showers and then just shrug it off like its no big deal.

Maybe since no one in the crowded showers and dressing rooms was acting like me being balless was anything unusual, the usually curious and full of questions teens and boys just acted like everyone else and ignored my empty bag?

It was usually the youngest boys or the ones I taught or coached that would ask why I had no balls. Most grown men wouldn t even ask. But they all listened up when anyone did ask me.

But like I mentioned, the vast majority of men and boys never asked and never knew I had any balls. Mo

st thought I was castrated and

didn t make any comments or say or act the least bit unusual, except to stare trying to see if I was really nutless when they first saw my nearly missing scrotum.

I taught phy ed for different schools and grades 5 to 9, right around puberty. I made a point of changing and showering together in front of my male students. I wanted to lead by example and show them its no big deal to be naked in front of other males. And to prove I had balls when I wasn t cold and showed off my balls when they both hung low and very obvious. To make sure everyone didn t think I was castrated when my balls pulled up in cold conditions. Honestly, the boys made more of a big deal about it when my balls were showing than when I looked nutless. But of course the locker room was all boys and I was one of the few male teachers to shower and change with my students. So it was very different from locker rooms and showers full of naked men.

Another coach interrupted my usual shower and shave before school to talk. I was naked with my face half shaved and talking with this fully dressed coach when my first hour boys started showing up to change for phy ed. They were so embarrassed to see me naked that they acted extra quiet and sheepish. The other coach noticed it right away and commented on it. Not enough boys get naked together or have naked dads and brothers at home.