I often struggle with the idea of romantic love versus a nurturing love I never received as a child. Having a mother that never bonded with me and a father that sexualized me at an early age I have been unsure of what I truly need.

http://teacher.scholastic.com/professio ... onding.htm

The most important property of humankind is the capacity to form and maintain relationships. These relationships are absolutely necessary for any of us to survive, learn, work, love, and procreate. Human relationships take many forms but the most intense, most pleasurable and most painful are those relationships with family, friends and loved ones. Within this inner circle of intimate relationships, we are bonded to each other with "emotional glue" — bonded with love.

Each individual's ability to form and maintain relationships using this "emotional glue" is different. Some people seem "naturally" capable of loving. They form numerous intimate and caring relationships and, in doing so, get pleasure. Others are not so lucky. They feel no "pull" to form intimate relationships, find little pleasure in being with or close to others. They have few, if any, friends, and more distant, less emotional glue with family. In extreme cases an individual may have no intact emotional bond to any other person. They are self-absorbed, aloof, or may even present with classic neuropsychiatric signs of being schizoid or autistic.

The capacity and desire to form emotional relationships is related to the organization and functioning of specific parts of the human brain. Just as the brain allows us to see, smell, taste, think, talk, and move, it is the organ that allows us to love — or not. The systems in the human brain that allow us to form and maintain emotional relationships develop during infancy and the first years of life. Experiences during this early vulnerable period of life are critical to shaping the capacity to form intimate and emotionally healthy relationships. Empathy, caring, sharing, inhibition of aggression, capacity to love, and a host of other characteristics of a healthy, happy, and productive person are related to the core attachment capabilities which are formed in infancy and early childhood.

I recently attended a family reunion of

tugon (imported) wrote: Sat Aug 13, 2016 11:10 pm my father's side of the family.

They were very nice and I felt welcomed. They were constantly mentioning how much I looked like my paternal grandfather. Even though they were quite nice I did not connect with anyone. I would certainly feel comfortable meeting with them again but I cannot say I would miss anyone if I was not able to return.

I do have to say they were nicer than my mother's family. They were rather shamed based people and I was gay. I was an early disappointment due to my dislike of sports and my interest in my chemistry set and building things. I would rather launch a rocket than throw a ball. I would receive sports based toys as gifts. One time I responded to a radio contest and won. I had no interest in the prize but when my mother found out I won a football we went to get it. It stayed in the packaging for weeks.

Have I developed enough for intimate love? Probably not but maybe in my next life. Sometime my heart breaks that I have no one special in an intimate, loving relationship but I have some very good friendships that fill the void. I wonder what it would be like if I could find a good therapist at an affordable rate to help me with those issues.

I certainly share your experiences of not having received much in the way of nurturing love from family. My father spent a lot of time away from home drinking and cheating, and my mother experienced the stress of both that situation and the divorce that followed not much later. My grandparents did a better job of parenting, although they still had a hard time with saying "I love you" and were more disciplinarians than nurturers.

I suspect that not receiving this love that we definitely needed has had consequences for both of us. I know that in my case, I do have difficulty with forming relationships with others. I feel nothing toward anyone in my family except for maybe my grandmother and brother. I have one close friend, and for me that is plenty. I tend to think that quality is much more important than quantity when it comes to friendships. I also have a number of people in my life who I would consider friends (but not close) and acquaintances.

But actually forming new relationships with others can certainly be challenging for folks in our position. I know that people can tell there is something different about me, and for many people that is enough to write me off before taking any time to get to know me. But even among people I know well, I still find that I am often not 100 percent comfortable around them, and therefore they still do not see much of my true personality. My closest friend has seen more than anyone else has because he is a rare person I've become completely comfortable around.

I did have one therapist diagnose me as "schizoid," but that was one opinion from someone who only knew me for a short time. She had no knowledge that I am virtually certain I have an autistic spectrum disorder (I didn't know it then either). I'm sure that in my case that disorder complicates matters.

The older I get, the more I am learning that people who are different ought to embrace those differences and even celebrate them. I've spent a lot of time with you, and I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with you. You are who you are, just as I am who I am. We've both been through a lot in our pasts, and it is difficult for someone who hasn't had issues like ours to understand.

As for love, I definitely would not give up on it. I didn't think I was capable of loving someone romantically until it happened. It took me a long time to accept that was what was going on because of the circumstances. But once I realized that's what was going on, everything started to make sense.

If sexual intimacy isn't your cup of tea, you might be interested to know that I had no sexual interest in this person, even when on T. It's strange because I do have sexual interest in others. But I didn't have any in this person and also not in a few others who I had grown to care about in the past and may have fallen in love with if they had remained in my life longer. It seems that in my case, when I start to really care about someone, I either don't form any sexual interest in them or lose any that I already had.

So I definitely think that it is possible to love someone without having any sexual interest in them, and there are plenty of people out there who have had the experience of loving someone without being sexually interested. You might find there is someone out there who would come to love you but not have much interest in sexuality.

You deserve to have someone special in your life. Even though I've lost my special person and will most likely never see her again, I feel like it was all worth it. My life is enriched for having known her and loved her. Love is worth it! Don't give up!

plix (imported) wrote: Sun Jul 09, 2017 2:53 pm If sexual intimacy isn't your cup of tea, you might be interested to know that I had no sexual interest in this person, even when on T. It's strange because I do have sexual interest in others. But I didn't have any in this person and also not in a few others who I had grown to care about in the past and may have fallen in love with if they had remained in my life longer. It seems that in my case, when I start to really care about someone, I either don't form any sexual interest in them or lose any that I already had.

I always had problems integrating love and sex. At certain times I think it might be due to my being abused sexually by someone I may have loved or was supposed to love or who should have loved and protected me. Of course I was not mature enough for sex nor had the chance to consent. Whatever it was sex and love never seemed to go together. I could have great sex with a stranger or someone I was not interested in except their physical attributes. Toss love in the mix and I would fail miserably.

I appreciate your input since we have some things in common. I am glad you felt the good part of romantic love. I just reread the previous sentence and realized that even today I am better at emotions than at the physical with another person I value and respect. I have always envied a couple who can be in love and make love.

This August we had the family days of the dead. Oh what an odd family. Of course I was not consulted. August 11th and 12th were the days of betrayal and insult.

I received a voice mail message the on the 10th they were dropping mom in the dirt on the 11th. My mother wanted her ashes spread over the Plains Of Abraham. I tried to encourage family to travel and do this together but everyone was too busy. I was never given mom's ashes so I was not able to do it on my own. After my sister passed away I can only imagine that her live in Dave and my sister-in-law made the decision. I felt no need to attend since I attended mother's funeral almost ten years ago and this was against her wishes. Again no one called and asked if I would like my mother's ashes.

The next day my sister's memorial was scheduled. Dave and my sister-in-law Kelly were busy telling mutual friends that I would not be welcome. Since it was being held at my sister's home which Dave had nicely mooched I would not feel comfortable attending. Dave had nicely mooched off of his first wife until she became tired of it. Dave is a questionable person who may get himself into some trouble left to his own devices. I have been a little curious about what might have been said if anyone asks why I was not in attendance. As in many times in the past I am sure they used this time to paint me in a negative light.

As an eight year old who was given the task of being the man of the family and contributing what I could it was hurtful to become the odd man out. I would discuss financial issues with my mother. As I have mentioned before any birthday or Christmas money was given for the family while the others kept theirs. At 16 when I received my paycheck I would take the family out for dinner. Sadly no one remembers that but somehow learned to vilify me.

Maybe consult the wisdom of Mr Corky. He seems an upbeat kind of fella.

Families, including my own, are capable of the most astonishing heights of compassion and generosity of spirit.

I don't know what it is, but when it comes to the Dear Departed, the depths to which the same family will sink is utterly dreadful. I was as surprised as shocked, but if there is an silver lining, it is that with the passage of time, there is much healing if given a chance.

There is still much good to be found in the world....

Last night I had a dream that I got married. To a gentleman whom I know that I do not like and for whom I have no desire. Yet I was still happy to be married. We were going on a cruise for the honeymoon. Much like my man I have no desire to go on a cruise. Yet I was still happy to be married.

As strange as that was my long deceased mother went on the cruise with us. Her cabin needed repair so she slept with us in our cabin. Of course that delayed any chance of sex I did not want. Mother was never interested to meet any one I had dated. So the surprise that she wanted to travel with us on our honeymoon in the dream was far from reality.

Oddly I have carried the positive emotions of being married with me all through the day. This dream deserves interpretation. Feel free to add your thoughts on the dreams meanings.

I think that now

tugon (imported) wrote: Sun Nov 14, 2010 7:04 pm I have a better understanding of m

y dream. Mother would always tell me three things and two apply for this dream. The three things she would tell me is that I was fat, I would never have anyone and we never bonded. Luckily this time my obesity did not enter into the dream.

Sadly, just to prove her wrong I married someone whom I did not like and to whom I was not attracted. Oh but I would have someone. Maybe I was worthy.

As far as she travelling with us on the cruise ship it was a combination of force bonding. Nothing says bonding like following your gay son and his husband on their honeymoon. Then having to share your room for the night.

First off I am a no T eunuch so I am immune to most of the physical world. I find little interest in fleshly desires. I enjoy my mostly solitary life and would love to be a recluse except for the time food would be delivered. I have my music, art and my dog whose only flaw is needing to go outside to satisfy his needs. Oh he does create interactions with others due to his cuteness and desire to meet others.

Today a younger man saw me walking my dog and he pulled into a parking area near me. He mentioned he had not seen me in awhile and not knowing what to say I said you are not home much. We have been cordial with one another as I felt was expected with neighbors. I had spent one evening on his patio during a dog walk and we chatted. He had offered me a beer but I explained I was a wine drinker and I had a few glasses already. Today he invited me to stop by and shared that he now keeps wine in his apartment.

He is the corn fed boy next door. He is a construction worker. He has the kind of smile that is both ornery and seductive. When he was inviting me over and smiling the way he was I wanted to mention that I am immune to his charms. As I was having images of what I could do for him I realized I needed a booster shot for my immunity. What a rare combination of kindness and sexy. Do not smile that smile at me.

I hope age is not catching up to me. As I posted I had a fall on New Year's Day that I had no memory of falling only waking up face first in the mud and water. My doctor was quite concerned that I had a fall with no memory of tripping or any physical reason for the fall. She wanted me to be tested but I of course was not too willing for something that only happened once. Well as my falls have continued I will be tested very soon.

My most recent fall was Sunday morning. I tend to fall to my right side. The right side of my face is now a combination of scabs, swelling and bruises. My ribs are sore and bruised. When I fell Sunday and so tired of falling that I was going to lie there, cry and not move. Then I heard my dog and knew I had to get it together and take him out for a walk. I got dressed, got him ready and the bleeding had stopped so we went on our walk. When we returned I fed him and went to bed to rest up for night shift.

I have spent more times with my face in the carpet than ever before. Friends jokingly call me a carpet muncher. At my job guests think I was in some form of physical altercation protecting them. I mention that I will always keep my guests safe and of course I would. I did ask the management team at what point am I too grotesque to come too work. I now have a great Halloween face but too late for a haunted house.

This Wednesday the testing will begin with an Echocardiogram and a cardiac monitor to monitor my heart rhythms for 21 days. I will also see a neurologist to rule out any neurological issues with my family history of Parkinson's disease. I do have some neurological issues that are becoming more frequent. Trouble with gagging while swallowing liquids, reduced balance, my gait is slower and my voice is becoming quieter.

It will be interesting to find out if it is heart or brain.

Any further news on your health issues? I've been worried about you......hope everything is OK! That definitely sounds scary!