Shamelessly stolen jokes

[ambiguous (imported)]

Tampax has announced that it is replacing the piece of string in its tampons with a short length of tinsel.

Its for the Christmas period only.

[Paolo]

Booooooooooooooooooooooo!

[Dave (imported)]

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.

[Dave (imported)]

What is green and sings :headphone and isn't Kermit the Frog?



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Elvis Parsley

[Dave (imported)]

five silly jokes

Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

A. It’s Christmas, Eve!

Q. Why did Santa Claus ask the turkey to join his band?

A. He had the drumsticks.

Q. Ever wonder why Santa Claus goes down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

A. It soots him.

Q. Hey! Know what they call someone who's afraid of Santa Claus?

A. Claustrophobic.

Q. Do You Know what you get if you eat the Christmas decorations?

A. Tinselitis.

[Dave (imported)]

Stupid things Teachers told me part 1:

While teaching Japanese history, my teacher was entirely convinced that the suicide of a Japanese samurai was called 'sudoku,' instead of 'seppuku.'

A teacher told me that people invented sleep because they were bored.

I had a teacher who swore that the Underground Railroad was a physical railroad that ran under the ground.

I had a teacher who said that all street lights are outfitted with cameras for the government, so we shouldn't use them.

[rogerwpbfl (imported)]

My d-ck is like a submarine, everyone always goes down on it.

[Dave (imported)]

More stupid teacher things:

a) A teacher said that once a horse closes its mouth, its jaw locks and it is literally impossible for a human to open its mouth again.

b) One biology teacher said that dogs evolved longer faces so they could smell things around corners.

c) Our teacher put materials from plants and materials from animals on a board. We could not convince the teacher that wool was not a plant.

d) A biology teacher said that if you jump up and down after sex, then it will kill the sperm and you can't get pregnant.

e) Another biology teacher, during the sex ed portion of the year, said all penises are the same size 'when it counts' (i.e. when erect).

[rogerwpbfl (imported)]

More stupid teacher things:

e) Another biology teacher, during the sex ed portion of the year, said all penises are the same size 'when it counts' (i.e. when erect).

Let me model in this biology teacher's class... it could make a great story haha

[Dave (imported)]

More Shamelessly Stolen jokes about bad Teachers:

- - I once had a math teacher that told our class that any fraction that was over 1 equals 0.

- - A math teacher said that you count by twos like this: 2, 12, 22, 32…

- - In physics class, we were told that if a bug was in an airplane it would not be able to fly forward because it could not fly faster than the plane was moving.

- - A science teacher said that the moon is just another star like the sun.