My wife I have talked about it for some years now. She is very much tired of that conversation. As she does not like sex anymore, she is all for it and feels that its been long enough, overdue and time to go ahead. I do agree with her, I do want to and know that I will eventually. But so far I have still been hesitant to actually become a eunuch. For me knowing sex can feel so good I hate the thought of losing it. I also fear that I may continue to miss it for a long time after. Another opposite possibility is that after a while I may not care, really like the change and not want it back, which for me is scary as well. Especially if she says I told you so.

I became hypo-gonadal a few years ago and my Dr put me on trt as soon as it was discovered avoiding what would have been the natural outcome. My wife was disappointed that I did. She feels it would have been better and still wants the natural outcome - a calm husband no longer wanting sex.

lister - From all the blogs that I have read about men who were castrated, the overwhelming majority state that they love being castrated and don't miss their testicles. Most regret not being castrated earlier and most enjoy having control of their sexuality. If you are already using a testosterone replacement, your testicles are probably shutting down and getting smaller. When you use TRT you shut down the natural production of testosterone. So it sounds that for most castrated men, they don't miss their testicles and actually like being castrated.

It's comforting to see that so many people have struggled with uncertainty and doubt as they went on this journey towards castration. I can't help but wonder how many people who were posting to this thread back in 2012 and before are now castrated or on their way to being castrated.

Could someone who's made the decision and been castrated please speak on their experiences with doubt and uncertainty leading up to the surgery? And what cleared away those final doubts for you--or did you just power through the doubts and take a leap of faith?

Thanks!

anthonyg (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:19 am lister - From all the blogs that I have read about men who were castrated, the overwhelming majority state that they love being castrated and don't miss their testicles. Most regret not being castrated earlier and most enjoy having control of their sexuality.

I'm one who was finally castrated after I'd been prescribed testosterone. We knew one ball was dead, and the other simply slowed production of testosterone. I certainly have no regrets and am not shy about others seeing my 'reduced' genitals.

I just wanted to be a eunuch, though I do find a completely smooth nullo look attractive. But to answer your survey, "Q p1.)" I would say I was held back by "#

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm 4. Afraid of surgical complications?

" I scar very badly, from my several surgeries, not just ugly scars but very sensitive scars that never got any better for decades; i.e., permanently. So I don't think it will be comfortable. As such, I chose chemical castration. "Q p2.)" Though I did not go through with any surgery, my chemical castration did bring on a number of side effects, low energy, depression, etc. And I live in a constant fear of osteoporosis. "Q p3.)" I have not really "come out" with my eunuch status, as there is really no need to do so.

I am totally comfortable in nude beaches or gym showers or saunas, showing off my much shrunken genitals and small breast development, even enjoying once overhearing neighboring guys on the beach commenting they could hardly see any genitals on me.

About being comfortable with yourself, I might throw in a counter argument, just for your consideration. If you do research here in EA, we are all supportive of transitioning into whatever form we wish, as we all share similar thoughts, and a good number of us had gone through the transition already. As such, by nature, we (myself included) are mostly biased towards transitioning.

However, you seem to be conflicted with your feelings of transitioning. For that, I would suggest also researching more, talking over with therapists, to thoroughly explore truly what sexual being you really wish to be, and how you really wish to live your life.

Yes, we need to live for ourselves and be ourselves. But this type of surgical change is a big decision and permanent. Please make sure this is truly what you want, hearing from not just those who said yes already to themselves, but understanding why you might want to say no.

I think the biggest thing stopping me is oddly enough this website, The Eunuch Archive. By reading and also writing stories about castration I'm able to enjoy being a eunuch in my fantasy life. Therefore I don't have to do it (have myself castrated) in real life.

The biggest thing stopping me right now is money. I've been dealing with a financial situation for the past year that hasn't allowed me to save much. I also don't have medical insurance. The second thing is probably fear. Although I almost can't even remember what it was like to not desire emasculation, I'm still afraid I might regret my decision. I've only ever told one person that I feel this way and he is not in my life anymore. So no one really knows who I am, how I really feel about myself and my body. Eventually I will make it to a MoM and finally meet the people I admire. Hopefully then I will know whats right for me. Someone had mentioned in another thread something I hadn't considered before, that Dr. Arnkoff is getting older and may not be doing the surgeries much longer. Sucks to think that I might miss my shot if I wait too long. But I guess if I really want it I'll find a way.

Atreyu69,

That is a very good introspective from you. Honesty with oneself after-all is about the most important thing

a person can find.

Also I recall way back in time how in my case just looking and reading brought on a certain amount of satisfaction.

Of course in the end it also brought on a great deal of frustration that I couldn't be all I could be in life. Make no

mistake, I feel I am more than all I can be now after so many years nullo. It's truly an individual thing and nobody

should ever be convinced from other folks experiences. The most in depth self evaluation is the most important

part of the decision process. Over the years I have never regretted any of my life choices. And often times find

myself only wishing I had begun my personal journey earlier thatn I actually did. Without a vagina or male genitals

has given me far more options in life that I never flinch from opening a new door to experience yet even more.

As you have found in your own situation, the fantasy is enough for you. That is a true lesson that many can learn from

and hopefully because you stated it there will be those who see the validity.

Good on you and enjoy the fantasy.

Meanwile I'll continue to enjoy the reality. Hi Hi!

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm THE QUESTION (for the uncut):

So here's a serious question for everyone who truly believes that they want to either be castrated, penectomized, or have the opposite gender's genitals like me. I'm just asking out of curiosity: What is the number one concern that is holding you back from actually doing it?

1. Not sure if you really want it or not? Of course.

2. Financial? (can't afford it / don't want to spend that much money)

I can afford the co-pay if it's insured, but not a trip to Dr. Arnkoff ($5-6000 all-inclusive? Heck no!). Also, I'm dead set on an inguinal operation for my hypothetical operation, and Arknoff won't do them at all for love nor money, as far as I understand it. So, since cash-n-carry options are off the table, I've started working with a urologist who will consider it, if certain hoops are jumped through first.

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm 3. Afraid that you won't like it afterward, and will be stuck unhappy with it forever?

Yes, but perhaps not the way you'd think. It's more of a question #10 thing.

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm 4. Afraid of surgical complications?

Actually? No. I'd perhaps be less afraid if I could get it done by a veterinarian, since an experienced vet has probably performed the operation upwards of ten thousand times. :p

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm 5. Afraid of after-effects? (things like tiredness, osteoperosis, and possibly having to take hormones afterward.)

I certainly don't want to do without steroid hormones once I'm fixed. I don't want feminization, but I probably would want to experiment with a steroid stack. It seems plausible that I could come up with something I like more than my natural testosterone level, though. (It's really quite low, but not low enough for my insurance company to pick up the bill for HRT) It's also possible that this steroid stack could include both estrogens and testosterone, or perhaps progesterones. (Bioidentical progesterone is apparently safe for unaltered males, and supposedly has health benefits, so I may experiment with that before. Also, it has the benefit that you don't need injections, which is nice

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm .)

6. Reproduction? (still want kids)

I don't want kids now, but someday I might. The availability of stem-cell sperm for artificial insemination would alleviate this source of hesitation entirely for me, as would replacement testicles. (DARPA is developing the technology to clone testicles for maimed soldiers, since IEDs have a bad habit of blowing people's testicles clean off. It's a crash program, with a ten-year timeline, so it should line up nicely with when I hypothetically might want children.

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm )

7. Sexual concerns? (still want sex, afraid change would destroy that)

If anything, my finasteride trial increased my libido.

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm 8. Family concerns? (Afraid of what your family would think, and couldn't imagine explaining it to them.)

Yes - but it's more a question of whether my parents will eventually want grandkids and whether I'll feel differently about starting a family in the future, perhaps motivated by finding a long-term relationship.

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm 9. Social concerns? (Afraid of what others would think, don't want to be judged.)

Hell, if my concerns could be addressed, I'd not only be open about being neutered, I'd advocate for the availability of elective castration on short notice - none of this years of therapy crap, just head down to the Planned Parenthood that does vasectomies. Perhaps enforce a 7-day cooling off period, if only to provide political cover and prevent people with regrets from saying "You didn't even try to warn me!" to the news media, in order to preserve that hard-won easy availability.

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm 10. Other reason not mentioned here.

I don't think the ideal surgery's available yet. Instead of a scrotal ablation, I'd like to pursue the smooth look by using remaining scrotal skin to craft a penile sheath - think of a dog, or perhaps more likely, a horse. I'd like to be able to pee standing up, so being able to evert it without an erection is important. Nothing flapping in the breeze that way, without having to go full nullo! I'm aware that you'd have to be pretty fastidious about washing it, but that's a price I'd eagerly pay.

Still, I want to do the right thing, for the right reason, at the right time. That's a high standard, and I'm only going to act once I'm confident I have all three of those figured ou.

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:55 pm 11. None of the above. I'm doing it. All I need is a place to do it and the money to pay for it.

I'm not doing it yet, but I'm getting the prerequisites done ahead of time so if I ever make up my mind, I can act swiftly and decisively - once I make up my mind, I won't change it since I've been carefully considering this for years now. I may or may not decide to get fixed in the end, but if I do it's going to be pretty durn final, given how long I've been working on my concerns.

A) Money.

B) Having access to anti-androgens.

If I gain A, then I get it done professionally. If I lose B, then I do it myself as fast as I need to.

Dysphoria is a powerful thing.