Taking the Plunge.....Again

[nullorchis (imported)]

In reply to plix: Have you tried "weaning" yourself off of "T".

In other words, cut the dose to 75 percent and run with that for 2 to 3 weeks.

Then drop to 50 percent and maybe go a month.

Then drop to 25 percent and another month or more.

I did this over many months, and then recently went to zero percent.

I found zero percent again did not work for me.

Too tired, too weak, but my main complaint was confusion and inability to focus or concentrate.

That just made life too difficult to deal with.

So I recently went back up to 25 percent.

Still have not gotten completely back on track, but I feel like I am starting to come around.

At the 25 percent level there is no interest in sex or ability to perform.

And hopefully at 25 percent I can avoid or delay any long term issues like osteporosis. (in addition to taking calcium supplements).

It may take you less time, or more time, to adjust to changes in T level.

I do not know this to be a fact, but it is my guess that starting and stopping T completely, cold turkey, is not a good thing.

There are a lot of hormones in the body and they need to be in balance.

Slowly adjusting them just seems like it might be a better approach than sudden starts and stops.

[plix (imported)]

In reply to plix: Have you tried "weaning" yourself off of "T".

In other words, cut the dose to 75 percent and run with that for 2 to 3 weeks.

Then drop to 50 percent and maybe go a month.

Then drop to 25 percent and another month or more.

I did this over many months, and then recently went to zero percent.

I found zero percent again did not work for me.

Too tired, too weak, but my main complaint was confusion and inability to focus or concentrate.

That just made life too difficult to deal with.

So I recently went back up to 25 percent.

Still have not gotten completely back on track, but I feel like I am starting to come around.

At the 25 percent level there is no interest in sex or ability to perform.

And hopefully at 25 percent I can avoid or delay any long term issues like osteporosis. (in addition to taking calcium supplements).

It may take you less time, or more time, to adjust to changes in T level.

I do not know this to be a fact, but it is my guess that starting and stopping T completely, cold turkey, is not a good thing.

There are a lot of hormones in the body and they need to be in balance.

Slowly adjusting them just seems like it might be a better approach than sudden starts and stops.

I have considered it, but I doubt I would be successful with such a plan given my impatience I know that when I was taking 2 pumps of Androgel, I did not notice much of a difference compared to higher doses, but admittedly I did not do that for very long (because I was impatient). Testim would be more difficult to gradually stop because of how it is supplied.

I am more concerned about osteoporosis than I have been in the past. Although most eunuchs seem to take calcium supplements, given my desire to keep things natural, I would prefer to prevent osteoporosis through diet and exercise instead of supplements or medications. I wonder if I can realistically expect to be able to do this. It would seem to me that getting an appropriate amount of calcium from diet alone is not out of the question, and my research seems to indicate that exercise can be very helpful for preventing osteoporosis.

[nullorchis (imported)]

Regular testing can monitor calcium and osteporosis.

I get impatient with my impatience.

It is almost as hard to control as erections when testosterone is flooding the body.

Good luck.

[Hash (imported)]

I still use a very small amount of testosterone replacement, I'm actually afraid of reducing it because my body then adapts to the new smaller amount and does not respond if I decide to add more. Someday I know I'll stop the madness and go to zero, but when I do I'll need to remove my penis. It's already gotten quite small and there's no sense in keeping it. I feel now that a eunuch should not have anything, no scrotum, testicles, or penis.

[nullorchis (imported)]

I read with interest your comment about being afraid to reduce TRT because your body

adapts to the new smaller amount and does not respond if

you add more (at a later date).

Adapts how? Respond how?

I recently stopped TRT, but after about a month did not like the increased tiredness, weakness, and confusion.

Is this the adaptation you are talking about, or are you referring to sexual feelings and performance?

Quite interested in this, a new piece of informaiton to me .

[plix (imported)]

It has now been about two months without T.

My libido is substantially reduced from what it was, but occasionally it tries to fight its way back for a day or two.

Outside of sexual effects, I have not noticed much that I can say for certain is due to the lack of T. For me the effects of being without hormones seem to develop much slower than what most people report, if they develop at all.

I do seem to notice my sense of smell more often once again.

I also seem to notice fatigue more often than I remember in the past. While I am not willing to say for sure that this is related to hormones, I am willing to admit it is a possibility. Other things that could be causing this are getting older, working a job that can be naturally exhausting, or recently having to take on a second job (though I noticed more fatigue before beginning the second job).

I don't seem to be experiencing anything out of the ordinary emotionally. About a month ago there was a day when I was on the moody side, but since that was an isolated occurrence, I don't believe it was related to hormones. In the past, I remember being able to cry a bit more easily when off T, and I have had a few crying episodes over the last couple of months, but they are infrequent.

It is much too early to expect any physical changes. Although I have not been weighed in some time, I don't think my weight has changed much from what I can see. My beard still grows quickly, and I still have plenty of hair on my body. I don't think the thinning areas on my head have filled in much, but since they are not completely bald, I remain hopeful that they will over the long term. I have not experienced anything resembling a hot flash. The only thing that potentially could be considered a physical change is that my nipples are more tender.

A couple of things that are surprising:

1. I am still occaionally told that I smell good. I have not applied any Testim in two months, and previously I never heard that outside of using Testim, so I am not sure what could be causing it.

2. I am still having complexion issues. I would not expect that after two months without using T. I wonder if perhaps my body is still adjusting to the changes, which could also explain the libido fluctuations. If I could afford it, I would have my T level tested to see where I'm at, but unfortunately I can't right now.

Although I am not seriously considering using E, the thought has entered my mind. The main reason is concerns about the more serious long-term effects of being without hormones. That means this time it is not so much any impatience about effects. In fact, I'm actually pretty pleased with what I have seen so far. I want to go longer without

hormones before making any decisions

about what to take. But I remain concerned about long-term health. While I have recently changed my diet and get plenty of calcium from food, I am not sure calcium intake will be enough to prevent osteoporosis. I am also concerned about diabetes and the long-term effects of no hormones on neurological health.

In other news, I am still working the job that I enjoy very much. I absolutely cannot believe how happy this job has made me! I look forward to going to work every single day, and I finally feel there is a reason I was born. Unfortunately the second job I mentioned is in the business world, but I think I can tolerate it a little better this time since it is only a second job. I consider my first job to be my "real" job. The other one is only something I do on the weekends to make money.

I temporarily took a break from going to graduate school. However, just last week I decided I am going back to finish. I expect to be finished in summer of 2014.

[plix (imported)]

I no longer entertain thoughts that I am a woman. I gave up on that idea long ago.

However, even though I am not female, I don't think too many people out there, including myself, would describe me as stereotypically masculine. Among other reasons that I have never believed I am just like the other guys, I have always related better to females than I have to males. I had almost exclusively female friends as a child. I still have some items from elementary school, and apparently I listed a girl in the spot for "best friend" on a paper from kindergarten. Other boys displayed rowdy behavior and interests that are typically associated with being a boy, but I did not do any of those things. When my brother and his male friends wanted to wrestle, I was either the referee or just stood by and observed because I had no interest in engaging in fighting myself. Many times my brother would try to wrestle with me, but I generally refused. I preferred the conversations and cooperative games that were part of my friendships with girls.

I did have one close male friend as a child, but the way we interacted was unlike how the other boys interacted together. We had conversations and played games that did not involve any fighting or other physical contact. I had a few male friends during adolescence, but those relationships felt awkward and did not last too long. Even during adolescenece, my most memorable friendships were with females.

I have to wonder if perhaps the way I presented myself as a child exacerbated the physical and emotional abuse I experienced. My brother was quite a bit more stereotypically masculine than I was as a boy, and the person who was responsible for most of the abuse targeted me far more often than he did my brother. I wonder if this is because I somehow came across as weaker, more vulnerable, and less able or willing to defend myself.

Aside from not getting along with most boys as a child, relating to adult men could be difficult as well. My mother had a male roommate who was aggressive and scared me. I could not relate to him at all. She had a boyfriend who was a gentle man, and I remember liking him. They were talking about getting married, and I remember telling him I wanted to change my last name to match his. I still don't know for sure what happened to their relationship.

Many years ago, I wrote a story for a creative writing class in college. The story was written in first person and used a female narrator. Several people in the class commented that I was great at writing from a female perspective. One said that I use a female viewpoint "very well." Another said that the dialogue "sounded like a girl." Although I have not written creative pieces in a long time, back when I did, I almost always used females as main characters. It felt far more natural to me to write from a female viewpoint. I tried writing from a male viewpoint once, but it felt awkward and stereotyped.

One might ask what the cause of my less-than-ideal masculinity is. From a naturistic viewpoint, could it be I did not receive enough T in the womb, or perhaps my T levels during infancy did not rise high enough as they are said to do at this stage of a male's life? If you are more of a nurture fan, could it be the absent father? If my father had been a part of my life as a young child, would I have been just like any other boy out there?

Some might read this and think that is clearly the profile of a gay man. But what is even stranger is that despite all of this, I am very straight. Were I gay, I would feel a lot better because it would explain a lot. I may just have to accept this is a puzzle that will never be solved.

[plix (imported)]

I'm now looking at three months without T. This ties the longest time I have been without hormones.

Things have not changed a great deal since my last update. As I've mentioned, in my cas

e the effects of being without hormones seem to

be subtle and gradual.

My sense of smell is definitely more powerful without T. I have discovered all sorts of scents that I would not have noticed before, and one thing I have recently discovered is the ability of a pleasant scent to put me into a delightful mood.

Recently I have been getting teary-eyed more often. I mentioned noticing this during previous experiences without T, so it seems reasonable to conclude that the lack of T could be playing a role.

I am quite happy with the path I am on. I have always believed that I was castrated for a reason. Just because the reasons I initially believed to be the case turned out to be false does not mean that genuine reasons do not exist, and with each day I become more convinced that I am doing the right thing. I am considering throwing out the remaining T that I have. I kept it at first because I was not sure if I was making the right choice. Now that I am certain I am on the correct path, I would like to get rid of it. Doing so would mean I would need to pass through a number of hoops to get back on T again, and those obstacles would make it that much more difficult to change my mind.

I am heading into uncharted territory here! As long as I can stay off the hormones, the future will bring the longest time I have spent without hormones. I'm excited!

[nullorchis (imported)]

Over the holidays, for various reasons (travel and busy, not to mention expense of T), I stopped using T.

I can only guess that a) I was too busy to notice what changes might be happening and, b) it takes awhile for changes to occur after stopping T.

Eventually I noticed changes that were significantly different than when I was taking T.

I can only describe it as a complete and total "de-sexualization" on several levels.

I liked it.

So after the holidays I did not re-start using T.

Then today I read a posting on the EA that re-awakened my fear of ostepososis.

One of the original reasons I had decided to take a low dose of T was to avoid the negative health impacts of no T or extremely low T.

So, as of today, I am re-starting the use of a low dose of T.

It takes time to develop your own personal schedule of T application as it takes awhile for the body to react to the introduction of T or changes in the amount of T.

So I will start off real low, and each month, up the amount slowly.

I was taking a fairly low dose before I stopped so I really did not notice any adverse effects of stopping it.

And I don't want to notice any adverse effects of re-starting it.

At least my original objective of destroying my body's ability to produce T on it's agenda has been accomplished.

It produces none, and I am in control of just how much T goes into my body.

That was my goal, and I am very pleased that I have control over this.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Start taking a little bit of E...maybe one 2 mg pill per day...A little boobage never hurt anyone. It's gotta be better than bone loss...Breast gains vs. bone loss.... No brainer to me.. Good luck smooches Jackie