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OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Fri May 01, 2009 4:42 pm . I am to the point where I believe it would have been better if I had never been born. There is not enough years left in my life to improve my self esteem and answer the acceptance of my sexuality. ...........

Dear OneBallBoi:

The nice things about "beliefs" is that by definition they are not TRUTHS.

Without factual foundation we have beliefs. We believe something is true, or false, but we can not present any supporting evidence to confirm.

THUS, you can accept that it is not necessarily true that it would have been better if you had never been born.

And you do not need "years" to improve or accept. You only need one minute, and one minute after that, and one minute after that.

Change comes within.

In the darkness look at your "me", "myself", and "I".

Really "look" at yourself and who you have been, who you are now, and what you want to be at some point in the future.

Then In a mirror look into your eyes and see your "me", "myself", and "I".

Tell yourself that "I" and going to change "me" for the benefit of "myself".

You control your destiny.

Nothing I or anyone else can say in print, or verbally can change anything for you. There is no drug, no magic potion, no ointment.

A million people can be cheering you on to improvement, change for the better, but if you do not pick up one foot at a time and move it forward change won't happen.

Most people want and expect things to get all better with the snap of the fingers. This doesn't happen.

Change comes one step at a time. You don't get from where you are to the other side of the planet with one giant step. It takes many many smaller steps. You won't really notice that by controlling your thoughts, directing your thoughts, thinking only of positive, not negative things, you will one day suddenly realize that it didn't take years for you to gain self esteem and either accept your sexuality, or not give a damn about your sexuality.

You can do it. No one else can do it for you. Unfortunately doing this is about as hard as loosing weight or stopping smoking. We become addicted to our personal pain and suffering. No quick fix.

Carry a smooth pebble in your pocket. Each time a self defeating or negative thought enters your mind, squeeze that rock, your rock of gibralter, and take control and think "I" and not going to let "me" defeat "myself".

"I" am in control and I will focus on what I want to do, what I can do, and what I will do is to take one step at a time and step after step after step I will put the past behind me and move out of the kind of life I do not want and into the kind of life that I do want. And be patient.

Philip Larkin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Larkin) - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.

Wonderfully appropriate! I'm a long-time Larkin enthusiast, and didn't expect to see him quoted here.

Cured of being "Gay" is not a cure.

Rather it is just a redefinition.

Consider our society requires people to establish that they are in one camp or the other, Gay or Straight. Okay a few admitted "Bi's" out there survived the required dichotomy. Also, consider each camp promotes social pressure on its' members not to even, consider, exploring the other "camp".

Sexuality studies investigating sexual identity in a manner, such as a scale of 1 - 10, rather then yes or no, find an ample population in the middle ground, more then is socially expressed.

So, being "cured of being gay" may just represent someone in those middle numbers, like 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 and identifying himself as, "Gay", may just happily redefine himself in the other camp as society requires, yes or no and a not a product of therapeutic success.

Good South Park episode revolves around being, ambicurious.

Butters gets sent to a camp to be, cured of curiosity.

Maybe we need two new topic areas.

1) Religion & Philosophy

2) Good South Park episodes - for discussion and links.

How about it Evil Overlord ? (I know, put it in suggestions/comments)

"

OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Fri May 01, 2009 4:42 pm Parents can destroy their children for life, I really believe that.

"

That is even a bigger problem than homosexuals. Only it is not recognized yet as the human society is in endless development phase.

So far the bitter reality is that genes of those parents spread who make real babies. Caring parents who could rise perfect human beings and who just do not spread their genes die out. Logical, isn't it?

About gay being "cured"...

Well, human ability to take roles and belief in his rightness could make miracles. Have you heard about the prisoners and guards experiment, that went wrong very fast?

Our brain is so adaptive! Placebo effect is the first thing that comes to my mind. Then you now, people can fool a lie detector too. So, was there any 'real cure' or just role change and placebo effect like situation, nobody could tell. It would be difficult even for scientists to tell with their brain activity scanners etc. stuff.

Oneballboi,

Why are you still living with and putting up with your abuser? My sister is one very abusive bitch and I finally had to cut off all communication with her as a result. I could do nothing right according to her. She took after dad in that way and once I did, ( it has been since last November) I find I am doing much better, believe in my abilities and judgement.

It is now up to you to either leave or continue to suffer.

As for being "cured" of being gay, I went through the "ex-gay" programme. I consider it to be just a cruel joke.

I am what I am and it is up to me to find fullfillment as a gay man.

OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Fri May 01, 2009 4:42 pm In my thoughts, I believe that our parents have a lot of influence over our sexuality. I have zero amount of self esteem. I have been told that I am worthless, helpless and hopeless. My parents instilled in me originally the lack of self esteem. I did nothing right to please my Dad. After my Dad died and I was the care giver for my Mom, my self esteem did improve for a while. But the living situtation I am in now, is no help in that area as well. I am not able to complete simple tasks like sorting clothes for the laundry, washing floors, etc. to satisfaction. My self esteem is going thru the bottom again. I am to the point where I believe it would have been better if I had never been born. There is not enough years left in my life to improve my self esteem and answer the acceptance of my sexuality. Parents can destroy their children for life, I really believe that. I don't believe all parents are bad. And I would love to know "Jesus's" take on these thoughts of mine.

Jean Op den Kamp (imported) wrote: Sat May 02, 2009 9:55 am Please understand: I am listening. Only don't know what to say. Please tell me, how many years do you think you will need, and if it takes that long, why are you waiting to start....

loveU

Jean

OneBallBoi

I made a mistake in a PM to you. Already told you. But I am not to much to say sorry open on this board.

I am SORRY, mistakes like that shouldn't happen

love you

Jean

I thought this might be about those wacky guys in Iran who said "We have NO gays in Iran!" and then announce that everyone who says they are Gay will be given (by force if need be) TS surgery so they will have hetrosexual sex.

Then the question becomes. Are they "cured"?

Hummmmm......

Of course the M2F who then becomes a Lesbian is "uncured"

You can cure or uncure gay people but not bacon... No, I have NO idea what that means....

mrt (imported) wrote: Tue May 12, 2009 6:29 am I thought this might be about those wacky guys in Iran who said "We have NO gays in Iran!" and then announce that everyone who says they are Gay will be given (by force if need be) TS surgery so they will have hetrosexual sex.

Then the question becomes. Are they "cured"?

Hummmmm......

Of course the M2F who then becomes a Lesbian is "uncured"

You can cure or uncure gay people but not bacon... No, I have NO idea what that means....

So there isn't really that much difference between Iran and the rest of the world.... you will have to cure those who want to cure

mrt (imported) wrote: Tue May 12, 2009 6:29 am You can cure or uncure gay people but not bacon... No, I have NO idea what that means....:

rolleyes

I 'll try to help you thinking, I guess somewhere about yesterday I can have you the answer, can you meet me there

loveUall

Jean

I for one am gay.I have staight freind,gay friends,and bi freinds.Being cured sorry but what does is matter.Respect each other wishes and lets just all get along.Free your mind of everything from race to sexual classifactions.We all will be better off.