Apparently I'm Vulcan. That would be logical.

devi (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 05, 2014 12:33 pm Apparently I'm Vulcan. That would be logical.

Live long and prosper.

Today I received my first phone call advising me how to behave at holiday functions. At 58 years old I do need advice about what is appropriate. Those of you who have met me and socialized with me know how out of control and embarrassing I can be. Pity my family that has to put up with me.

My family does not really know who I am. I am just the role I play when I am around them. So this Saturday at a smaller get together I am to be on my best behavior. I think that means do not have any opinions of my own and do not say anything gay.

If I was dating someone my mother would never let me bring him because it would upset my younger brother. When my brother moved out of state I could not bring anyone because she had not met them yet but I could not bring them to the house. Always alone at the holidays.

Looking forward to the festivities.

Dealing with jerks like this is easy - tell them to fuck off.

I did.

Long ago I told them all that if my (then current) BF or partner wasn't welcome then neither was I. All said welcome aboard. Guess I have been lucky.

Now that mom is dead I can take someone if only there were someone to take. These days I am more curious about lectures on how to behave. I wish my family understood or wanted to understand who I am and what I am about. I can imagine what might happen if I told them I am a eunuch.

The EA has changed much since my early involvement. Many of the members have moved on or been banned. Several of my friends no longer participate. We now have a lot of sensationalistic news stories that make the site not worth sharing with friends. Friends who might gain a better understanding if it were not for those articles.

Of course the other side of the coin is that I have nothing new to share. I have been a eunuch for so many years that I have nothing new to add. So many years that I do not remember all the changes. I do not know about chemical castration or hormone replacement therapy since I have not tried either.

I am also in the group that used a cutter that we collectively preach against. The posts that brag I did it the right way "I used a surgeon" even for those who I am convinced did not really get castrated. Some who went to urologists had more trouble after the fact than I did.

My issues are beyond this site. I need to concentrate on emotional healing from trauma and abuse. I need to get past where I am today. The EA can no longer do that for me.

Hmm.... Don't move on too fast; we'd miss Corky -and his companion! There are so many here who support, befriend and lend an ear to any who feel down for so many reasons. We arrived here by many routes, and now it seems good to make the best of it. --Even if the issue has little to do with eunuch life. Even cats and the weather get more than their share of attention here, and a person, even TG & C, are treasured much more than either of these!

I was missing a sense of community due to a joke a very important friend posted on Facebook regarding a recent famous transition. His joke along with the ugly comments that followed by his friends made me feel alienated from him. He is my younger friend that knew of my transition from male to eunuch and helped name me tugon. I have not brought this up to him other than a one word comment. He quickly apologized to me. It does not change my love or respect for him and since he knows me better than anyone I took the comment to heart. I would just like to give him a little smack on the back of his head.

As far as day to day life I am still working at the hotel. I was employee of the quarter for the first three months of this year. I receive the most positive comments on the guest survey satisfaction responses. I receive praise for my politeness and manners. Oh and being a eunuch I think people feel instantly comfortable with me. I make sure they know my name and can call on me for any needs. Many of our male regulars have become very relaxed with me and have dropped their guards. One younger business man has been flirting more and more. He brings me treats and jokes about when he stays in a room with a jetted tub that I should join him and make bubbles. I joked back and said I would bring my snorkel.

I received a call from a care agency asking if I would work for them again so I am doing some part time caregiving. I am working with mostly Alzheimer's patients maybe because I will be there one day myself. One wife became very excited when I showed up for my second assignment and her husband called me by name. I did not have the heart to remind her I wear a name badge.

I am travelling to Kansas for a nephew's wedding. I used to say I will not attend another wedding until everyone can be married. Oh damn you SCOTUS now I have to travel to Kansas. The governor of Kansas has determined that it is okay to discriminate against gays. I will be photographing any place I see that has signs regarding gays not being welcomed. Luckily I am travelling with my loving supportive family so if we pull in front of a restaurant saying I am not welcome I am sure they will bring me carry out. I just hope they leave a window down since it is supposed to be hot.

Still being walked by my dog. Still pissing people off with my liberal beliefs. Still reminding people this is a racist country. Still trying to stir the pot and make people think. Most importantly still avoiding other peoples' drama. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

What a fun morning today. Had a dentists appointment for a root canal and a prefab tooth. I had a filling drop out and they could not just drill a little and fill a little. Oh no you win a root canal at great expense. Of course the next step is a crown. Dr. honey the coffers are low and it will be a while before this queen gets her crown.

I have a great fear of anyone doing anything around my face. I have anxiety when my eyes are tested. In a dark room with a strange man and the door shut, panic. One time I thought I was going blind and in fact had just fogged up the lenses on the test equipment. The anxiety along with my fear of being wrong is an awful combination. Of course at the dentist having multiple people working in your mouth when your feet are up in the air is upsetting. Luckily today they had this slick device that propped my mouth opened so I did not have to participate.

Since I was not needed I dissociated for the two plus hours. In my sleep like state I spent some time in Paris. It was nice to walk down Rue St. Honore again. After he was finished with the procedure he complimented on how easy it was to work with me. At first they offered me gas but I told them I would not need it. Now that I remember I fell asleep trough much of my castration. Had he known how to numb properly I might have.